My friends are making me question my own sanity lately - and making me worry about my own mental wellbeing since “you’re a combination of the people you hang out with most” and all that. How do I make friends who are more on my “level”? I think the main issue is that my friends are small-town-minded.

Friend 1: Getting married in October. The guy is very nice and pretty much does whatever she asks, but she is settling 100%. She is gorgeous and successful, he’s not. He rejects her attempts at initiating sex almost every time. This hurts her self esteem (understandably) and this is the one penis she wants to legally bind herself to?... I think he either has depression issues or has a madonna/whore thing going on and thinks so “highly” of her that he doesn’t view her as a sexual being anymore. They’re in their early twenties. She always says “it’s just this one thing”. There is someone out there who is as perfect as he is, who also wants to satisfy you sexually. I literally text back “dump him” when she vents about it, and my other friends reply that that’s not an option (?). She always says “I’m not gonna start my life over at 24”..... as if that’s OLD? Now is a perfect time to start it over. It’s freeing. Oh well. And when I talk about dating she says “we don’t have time to mess around anymore”. Huh? We’re damn near twenty years old!!! Seems sad to me to need that for fulfillment.

Friend 2: Dating a guy who is 13 years older than her, who is her superior at work, who has a child and an “insane baby mama”, who never married or even got engaged to the mom when she fell pregnant, who only broke up with her a few MONTHS ago. She thinks he’s the one because “he’s so nice”. There are lots of nice guys who don’t have this LIST of unfixable problems.

Friend 3: Dating a guy who treats her very well but is not capable of providing the life she wants. Her primary life goal is to be a stay-at-home mom with a beautiful expensive home (not my style but this is truly what she wants out of life). This guy does not make the money he needs to support a life like that and never will. Every time she finally dumps the last loser, I say “he was nowhere near being capable of giving you the life you want” and she agrees. Onto the next I guess.

I totally understand the “dating down” thing - it is nice to feel like you’re objectively the “better one” in a relationship. But this is rooted in insecurity and only drags you down, and deludes the mind of the subpar guy you’re with.

I’ll be happy as the rich, happy, unmarried friend if I don’t meet anyone who’s basically perfect for me.