Is it ever ok to move for a man?

buddingQueenie · 2020-03-14T22:51:49+00:00

Please do not EVER limit your career and education opportunities for a man. One time, I was in an LDR and I was being offered a really nice-paying job but I would have to work that summer full time. He said that if I took the job, he wouldn't visit me that year since I would be pretty busy.

Guess who's paying my bills? It's not the LVM I dumped lol.

Always look out for yourself. As has been posted a lot in this sub (too lazy to dig it up right now), "Your career will never wake up one day and decide it doesn't love you anymore"

dzgata · 2020-03-14T23:23:39+00:00

Men will NOT hesitate to drop you like an old sock if any opportunity arises for them. If you do it for them they’ll lose respect for you and devalue you. Choose yourself always unless you’re 100% sure they have done the same for you or would do the same.

blackopium777 · 2020-03-14T22:54:36+00:00

I finished school, while my husband already had a rather nice job in his city, this is why I moved for him. Most important thing is, that you always have a way out and that you have friends that would drive some hours to help you. In my case, my parents and friends were ready 24/7 to come and get me if anything went wrong. I was and still am heavily supported. Never forget that there are way too many males out there trying to isolate you so they can abuse you however they want. So in general, if you have a solid support system that would work even through some distance and your partner seems to be worth it/has a good enough reason to stay and let you move in, it could be worth a try.

eru378 · 2020-03-15T03:15:41+00:00

For the other side of this, look on r/relationships or relationship_advice and you'll see posts from men who are contemplating a big move for their career and are asking for advice on how to handle things with their girlfriend/fiancee/wife who is unsure or doesn't want to move. (I doubt you'll see many posts from men asking "is it ever ok to move for a woman?", because they see themselves as the protagonist of their life and women as side characters...) So many just straight up do not care about their partner's feelings, needs, wants, career, friends and family, etc and view these things as inconveniences. The advice they're seeking is more or less about how to manipulate or force their partner to go along with their plan and be an accessory in his life. Plenty of even seemingly good men are like this deep down and I think all women need to be extremely cautious about uprooting their life for a man.

I think it's a complex issue and best evaluated case by case, but I also can't imagine too many situations where I'd unequivocally say yes, move for that man. Definitely don't give up your job, career prospects, university place, friends and family for a man - and especially if you'd be moving to a location where he's got those things. You give up a huge amount of power by taking yourself away from home and familiarity and placing yourself on his home turf. He's had to sacrifice nothing and you have delivered yourself to him. If you break up or divorce you're now stuck in "his" city and your safety net of family and friends is potentially far away. Women need to harshly and selfishly evaluate whether a move would be wise and be our own strongest advocates.

G1RLCRUSH · 2020-03-14T22:44:11+00:00

Yes, red flag. Unless, in a very specific circumstance that I'd imagine you'd detail. But 9 times out of 10, it's apart of a web of control.

radical__daphne · 2020-03-15T00:45:34+00:00

When you have a ring and a date. Maybe.

surviveIIthrive · 2020-03-15T02:54:29+00:00

There should be no such thing as “he expects you to stay.” That doesn’t bode well if that’s how the conversation is going. You need to be able to make a decision together taking into consideration what’s best for you as a unit and individually. It should be a partnership — not his needs and wants dictate what will happen. Not “he expects me to.” Fuck that! Don’t set that precedent. And don’t get married until you work through this. Maybe consider marital counseling to understand what his expectations are. Some men think once they “wife you up” you will act like their property. You’d be amazed! Make sure before you get married!!

naamshiko · 2020-03-15T13:04:58+00:00

Don’t, DON’T, DO NOT.

My ex boyfriend expected me to move from my favorite city in the world to the capital (which I’d never want to live in). I thought that my favorite city brought me comfort and happiness and it was necessary for my mental health. A city can never wake up and turn its back on me someday.

When I talked about my choice to not move to my ex, I explained to him that I didn’t want to go live in a city where I don’t know many people and don’t have a good network because living abroad is already hard enough so I need to stay in the city where I know I have people I can count on if something ever happens. His response? “Don’t worry I’ll pay the rent while you look for a job”. He didn’t take into consideration the fact that if he decided to dump me someday I’d end up homeless, 10.000km from my home country in a city where I don’t know anyone. He just asked of me what he thought was convenient for me.

It’s a trap.

pwc003 · 2020-03-14T23:21:37+00:00

It depends on how it will benefit both of you and the disruption it will cause to your life. Also, I wouldn’t do it generally as a rule, but rules may be bent; a HVM is so hard to come by, if he really is one and it fits the questions above I’d do it.

sadlandlordde · 2020-03-15T10:50:20+00:00

I did move for a guy twice. Each time I made sure the move benefited me. Each time I got a well paid job, better that I had before moving either in terms of pay or the job itself or both. I moved only after I secured the job and both times I was financially prepared for the move but I expected the guy to help with the move. Each time they helped with packing and transport.

Keep in mind I don't have a lot of crap. I don't have my own furniture, my kitchen accessories are limited. Most of my stuff are my clothes. I expect a guy to have all the essential stuff needed to run a 🏠 and if he doesn't they will get it after I say I need it.

2020-03-15T21:56:43+00:00

I would never do that. I've been burnt before.

9penguin · 2020-03-16T19:10:07+00:00

No, unless he did it first for you or sacrificed something equally for you first, then maybe you can consider if he's worthy of such a huge sacrifice. The answer is usually no.

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Title	Is it ever ok to move for a man?
Author	BleuRaspbery
Upvotes	17
Comments	16
Date	March 14, 2020 10:40 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fir0fh/is_it_ever_ok_to_move_for_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-ever-ok-to-move-for-a-man.680184 https://theredarchive.com/post/680184

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