Hi ladies, I don’t have any female friends so I would really appreciate some advice

level_up_always · 2020-02-14T22:13:04+00:00

You want someone who is going to be jumping for joy at the chance of marrying you. This ain't it sis. Stop wasting your life and go home. Of course he doesn't want to let you go he gets to keep you around at no cost to himself! Why wouldn't he when you're making it so easy for him you even moved across the world so basically delivering yourself on a silver platter for what -- a guy who has 'cold feet'? And yes living together was a mistake giving wifey benefits to someone who isn't your husband sorry girl :-/ Think about it this why he sees how worried you are and struggling about your immigration status and could do something to solve it and he isn't. Idk about you but for me I want a man who solves my problems not adds to them.

ThinkTofu · 2020-02-14T22:29:32+00:00

You're pushing the pause button on your life so that you can accommodate a man who won't commit to you.

His "cold feet" = his decision. He doesn't want to marry you. He's keeping his options open & waiting for Mrs. Right and will gladly waste your time and your life in the meantime.

Focus on yourself and your own life. He's wasting your time and he knows it, but he gives zero shits.

If you stick around, you're going to end up being his bang maid until he finds to woman that he actually wants to ring.

eru378 · 2020-02-15T01:52:23+00:00

By moving to a foreign country for him, with no ability to work or study on your visa, you have placed a huge amount of trust in this man. You made those plans together but it's a fundamentally unequal situation: you made a big sacrifice and moved away from your home and safety net to be with him, and he didn't have to do anything comparable. In that kind of situation it's imperative that the person who's not moving does as much as they can to help and support their partner - fulfil their end of the bargain. That should go without saying! That's what someone who loves you does. Your boyfriend has completely abdicated all responsibility to you here. Obviously it's good that he expressed doubts about marriage before you went through with it, but there are ethical and kind and responsible ways to handle that kind of sad situation. What he's doing now is not that. He's stringing you along, which is cowardly and selfish behaviour. He can't have his cake and eat it too. You're stuck in limbo right now and a man with a good and decent nature would be apologising profusely and helping you to get back to the UK, not just thinking about his own future and worrying about himself constantly.

Go back home and get on with living your life. Don't spend another moment stuck in the US with this man who can't muster even basic empathy for you and your situation.

ghygdryhchmmmmjj · 2020-02-14T22:01:06+00:00

Dont be afraid we're here to help! I think your comment about him being too comfortable... you're right. Hes afraid to lose you but also not willing to take the steps to ensure that you stay. So hes not THAT afraid. He seems like he wants to hold onto while keeping his options open. You are a queen, not an option he should struggle with. If I were you I would say that you're uncomfortable with the relationship being open ended and that you are going to move on.

lemonheaddass · 2020-02-14T21:40:04+00:00

I would not have made arrangements to move here officially without a ring. And no relationship will have a good foundation if it is based on an ultimatum. Sorry he’s giving you the runaround.

2020-02-14T22:52:53+00:00

I don’t care if you’re from the UK going to the US or via versa— or from any country other than the man involved— plenty of men use the citizenship card as a punishment/bargaining weapon with which to control women they lure to their home countries. Seen it happen way too many times.

surviveIIthrive · 2020-02-15T01:33:05+00:00

I think we’ll need your definition of “good relationship” fleshed out so we can put things in context. But generally speaking you’re in a weaker position. You have no leverage and you’re isolated so likely to have a difficult time feeling empowered to just leave. Not to mention the inertia that comes with co-habitation. Sunk cost fallacy also at play here I’m sure. As a general rule, no woman should wait for a man to decide if he wants her!! His indecision means it’s a no, sis. He doesn’t want you. It may be difficult for him to be that direct. When it comes to matters of the heart, a soft no is a NO!

Title	Hi ladies, I don’t have any female friends so I would really appreciate some advice
Author	Throwaway5557771
Upvotes	22
Comments	8
Date	February 14, 2020 8:08 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f3xx4k/hi_ladies_i_dont_have_any_female_friends_so_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hi-ladies-i-dont-have-any-female-friends-so-i.682540 https://theredarchive.com/post/682540

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