How do I get him to chase me again?

aclumsygirl · 2020-01-21T00:54:44+00:00

Dread, baby. Introduce some dread into this overly-complacent dude. It's good for him.

Stop initiating texts. Just respond to his, and take your sweet time doing it. Be warm and pleasant, but brief and a little distant.
Make plans to go out with friends and if he asks, be vague about where you are and who you're with.
Improve your appearance somehow-- more makeup, some new clothes, working out, whatever. Let him wonder why you're doing it. (Meanwhile you'll feel great.)
When you're together, pay more attention to your phone than you usually do.
Make no plans with him. Zero. If he says "I haven't seen you in days/a week/so long!" just smile/text sweetly "I know! It has been a while!" and continue to do nothing.

Basically, shift your energy away from him. Right now he can feel you pulling at him and it's made him complacent. Lean way, way back and watch what he does.

Illustrious_Drive · 2020-01-21T00:42:25+00:00

So I think most of us know that unfortunately, relationships are a pretty bad deal for a lot of women :/

This is why women should drag the dating period out for as long as possible because really that’s the only time where the woman has the advantage. Once a guy “has” you, he feels like he won and he kicks back his feet and relaxes, while you kind of just feel like you’re now beginning since you didn’t trust him until now.

I don’t really think there’s a good way around this... I mean men really just get lazy.

But I think you should remember a few things below:

•it’s impossible for a man to maintain that level of energy all the time. I mean it’s exhausting worrying all the time if a woman hasn’t responded in 5 mins. It does take a lot of energy to chase all the time. Focus more on the respect, and little moments that convey care and romanticism.

•New relationship energy (NRE) is a thing.

•look for a man who values “chasing” a woman even after 40 years of marriage. These are likely the men who’s fathers treated their mothers this way. Some men don’t know to value this. This will ensure that when things get tough or monotonous, the man makes time for these things because they are important to him.

•maybe try incorporating things like this: this past weekend, I said to my boyfriend “can we do something this weekend where I can dress up? :)”

•it’s important in the early stages of dating to establish that this is something you value, and act in a way that you’re expecting this value to be fulfilled, so you scare off all the guys who aren’t up to the challenge

kchangelot · 2020-01-21T10:28:30+00:00

It sounds like he was more into the chase, and you the attention, than both of you were into each other. In my experience you will be much happier if you end things now instead of pushing them to work.

2020-01-21T06:07:42+00:00

I think direct communication goes a long way- say "hey I noticed you don't initiate as much anymore or plan dates. Why is that?". Listen to what he has to say, and then (since men love to solve problems and provide solutions if they love you-they are eager to!) Say "it would really make me feel lovely and desired if you planned more dates like you used to".

There, you've said it. You've said what you feel, what you want and what he can do to give you what you want. NOW pull back if he doesn't act or if he slips up again. He'll remember that conversation. He might honestly feel like he doesn't have to try so hard now that he 'has' you. So try direct communication one time and then pull back. John Gray's audiobooks (men are from Mars series) also really helped me. When I say direct pieces of information to my guy, he picks it up right away and he's grateful to have such a straightforward woman (he says) and he is eager to impress and provide for me emotionally. He just does it! He wants to. But if I pulled back without giving ANY explanation, he might get anxious and since I love him and care about him, I try direct communication one time and then just observe the results. A "positive attitude"in communication goes a loooooooong way (for HIM! and for YOU!) Not just because it's woo woo positive, but because you don't ever appear like a "bitch" or "nag" and it reinforces his desire to please and impress you if he has zero negative memories of fights or confusing anxiety, even though pulling away will be effective, it will also be effective (if he loves you!) For him to be able To immediately provide for what you need. It's also way less stressful for YOU because you don't spend time posting about it or worrying about it. I used to worry for days and try to plot and scheme. Now I just SAY IT one time, and the guys fix it within a day. That's way less stress for me

We don't train fuckboys, but if he's loved you for a year he's probably not a bad guy and wants to do what will make you happy.

Mamainas · 2022-08-16T04:58:09+00:00

The more distant you are to men. The more they want you.

This is proven. I have male friends and I’ve had several hookups on Bumble and Adult Friend Finder. All of them have this similar traits. The more emotionally unavailable you are to them, the more they want you. It’s about the thrill of the chase. Men are wired to work hard to get what they want so the moment they get it, they tend to lose interest.

Title	How do I get him to chase me again?
Author	plsijustwantsexytime
Upvotes	39
Comments	13
Date	January 20, 2020 10:59 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/erlbn5/how_do_i_get_him_to_chase_me_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-i-get-him-to-chase-me-again.684387 https://theredarchive.com/post/684387

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