Hello ladies,

I was thinking about this girl I know and how she’s been dating her boyfriend for a few years. When they first started dating, they had been on some dates and had sex a couple times but they didn’t make anything official. He then went overseas on a preplanned backpacking trip. He comes back, and they end up dating. They moved in together after about 2 years of dating. This was a big deal. Much discussion and deliberation involved. They’ve always been big on having “timeline” discussions... like when are we moving in together, when are we getting engaged, when are we getting married, when are we having kids... that kinda stuff. Looooots of discussions about this. Anyway, so they move in together, it’s fine, etc. About 6 months in to this he drops a bombshell. He slept with someone while he was on his backpacking trip when they weren’t “official” and he feels super guilty for never telling her. She’s super upset for months, but gets over it eventually. Last I heard he keeps teasing a proposal. They’ve been together nearly four years now. She’s the one who is 100% down and eager for marriage, kids, all of it. He’s the one who’s more “cautious” about it.

I always heard her talk about her relationship and always thought it sounded really shitty and horrible, and secretly thought that I would rather die than be in a relationship like that. I couldn’t really put words to it until I found this sub. This girl has fooled herself into thinking this guy loves her. She found the first guy who would date her (he was in his late 20s and never dated anyone else before) and he’s only still with her because he hasn’t found any better options. She’s spent years arguing with him about “timelines” and all this shit. Honestly... what a fucking nightmare. It’s so sad. It’s so clear to me now that if a guy is in love with you and wants to be with you forever, he will MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN! If it’s a long and arduous process to get to an engagement... he is settling for you!!! The fact that so many women have been duped into treating themselves with such a lack of respect is shocking.

Anyway. Long story. My question is... now that I’ve talked about timelines... what does the FDS community think a good “timeline” is? 1-2 years till engagement? No moving in before engagement? Short engagement or long engagement? What do you all think?

I’ve seen a couple questions on here that are similar to this one but I’m very curious as to what this growing community thinks about this. I’m not ready to date yet, but I want to be prepared as possible when I am ready.

Thanks ladies!