Do you any of you ladies suffer from low self-esteem and/or depression? I'm finding that I don't really have the urge to date because of my mental health issues and wondering what to do.

ponchoacademy · 2019-11-11T22:24:23+00:00

This is going to suck to hear but... You don't date while you feel like that. While working through low self esteem and depression issues, you'll be ripe low hanging fruit for guys preying on women like that to take advantage of you. You don't need that at all and the wrong guy can mentally set back hardcore.

I've dealt with PTSD and depression since childhood and my entire adult life. It's not anything that will go away, but therapy and taking time to work on myself did absolute wonders. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and once I was ready to date, the type of men I got involved with were completely different from the guys I dated when I was at my lowest.

So this isn't forever, you do deserve someone who will be good to you. You owe it to yourself to be at a place mentally where you can embrace that and make good decisions for yourself based on that. Continue therapy, keep improving, and don't stress over finding a guy. You will, but for now your focus needs to be on someone way more important, and that's you.

TetraKent · 2019-11-11T22:48:16+00:00

Congrats on starting treatment for ADHD, I myself was just diagnosed only about a week ago (at the age of 30! sigh. so late....im so behind) and will probably begin stimulant medication next week. I'm excited to start medication and hope it will help me, because my social skills are greatly affected by this issue - and it's common for ADHD people to end up with low self-esteem / RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria - please google it!) -because- of ADHD.

My self esteem issues relate to ADHD because of impulse problems, issues with following conversation, getting distracted balancing my listening skills / posture / responses - and trying not to "run off" on my own tangents. There's so many other minor issues that affect my ability to be calm and "act normal". Because of these issues my self esteem when it comes to socializing has been just dreadful!

Anyway, like your doctor pointed out, "maybe this is untreated ADHD." is great! I'm glad the doc said that as it's finally becoming recognized that female ADHD is GREATLY different to male ADHD (girls internalise their symptoms! eg, "zoning out" into your colourful imagination!) and is often diagnosed as depression and anxiety, when in fact those are SYMPTOMS stemming from the failure to socialise properly and meet expectations placed on women.

Good news is that so many ADHD women begin to lose their self-esteem and anxiety issues once the ball gets rolling with the medication and you generate more "wins" and positivity for yourself. All I can say is hang in there, focus on just yourself and your life for now, and you will definitely see improvements! good luck :)

P.S for any other women out there who feel they relate to this please check out some of this reading material. I can stress how much my ADHD realisation has inspired me to get back into improving myself and my life (and not just beating myself up that i'm lazy or stupid!)

ADHD symptoms in women

Reject sensitivity dysphoria

Female ADHD and emotional withdrawal

JanTheBrown · 2019-11-12T00:19:51+00:00

I got sucked into a terrible relationship at a vulnerable time in my life because I was suffering from low self esteem. Instead of focusing on myself, I focused on his validation, I needed him to make me feel complete. Needless to say that ended up to be a toxic situation. The problem wasn't him, the problem was within me. The problem was how much I needed it to work out, how desperate I was that being with him was the answer to all my problems so I tolerated all kinds of disrespect.

I agree with the commenters above. Please work on yourself first. Love yourself first. Here are some things that I've been doing to raise my self esteem to a point that I don't need to rely on others for my validation:

Taking care of myself by doing the following - regular therapy, exercising at least twice a week, making an effort to see friends and build deeper connections, mealprepping healthy meals
Challenge yourself by doing new things - attending new classes, doing solo travel. You will find a sense of accomplishment and pride
Nourish your hobbies - do the things you love to do. I love writing and playing my guitar. But i found that when I was in a relationship, these thibgs got pushed aside and I felt like I lost a huge part of my identity. Now is the time to rediscover them while you are single.
Treat yourself - As women when we get spouses and families, we tend to neglect the 'upkeep' we used to do as single women. We feel bad because these are luxuries and not necessities. But in some level we do need to do this. Not saying to go crazy and shop all the time, but once in a while, reward yourself for how hard you work without feeling the guilt.
Look in the mirror and have a conversation with yourself as if you were your best friend. You will be amazed at the effect of hearing such positive words out loud. "You are kicking ass" "you are beautiful", and most importantly "No matter what happens, I am here for you."

FuturePigeon · 2019-11-11T23:33:22+00:00

Oh love, this is something many people deal with on both sides of the gender divide, all over the world, at every age. That voice in the back of our head knows just where to stick the knife to make it hurt. Please know you're not alone.

I'm going to have to agree with the other commenter...it sucks, but right now you're going to have to focus on yourself and your mental health. This doesn't mean lifelong celibacy (because they are always going to be chasing you), but rather a time to look inward and repair your psyche. You probably will always feel a shade of this, but you can control whether the shade is a light blue or a deep navy. Continue your work on yourself and let the men fall to the wayside. Trust, anyone that comes in now is probably going to do a lot more hard than help right now.

greenteaapplepie69 · 2019-11-12T12:43:47+00:00

Story of my life

blair2006 · 2019-11-11T23:55:39+00:00

https://instagram.com/expirednfabulous?igshid=iiw66mbp45eo

You might like this women’s Instagram? She posts a lot about the intersection of conservative family and dating, might be relevant to you

JanTheBrown · 2019-11-16T16:50:20+00:00

[deleted]

ino_y · 2019-11-16T17:11:58+00:00

Brainclone has not been verified.

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