I think about this and I don't totally know what to make of it, please let me know if you know any books that talk about this or your thoughts.

Feelings are this weird thing because...they exist inside you even after people have left. So you still have access to them. Your body generated them.

I will often recall good times I had with people who were bad to me. I let myself feel them. It doesn't feel any worse knowing they were not good. Because even though I felt them under false pretenses, I still felt them. I used to feel guilty, like I wasn't allowed to feel happiness remembering something that happened with someone who turned out bad.

That being said, I do not disregard all the bad things. And I have no desire to go back to any of them.

But I also think that the feelings weren't because of them, they were because of me.

By that I mean, imagine you have sex with someone and "they give you an orgasm" yes it happened with them, but it's not like they did it. It was something your body was already capable of, they just managed to trigger it. But them leaving doesn't take anything from you. You may tell yourself that that's the case, but I don't think it's true. I think you just need to figure out the conditions in the future to feel those things again, but in a safer environment.

Or for example, if you have depression, no matter what a person does to cheer you up, if your body doesn't have the capacity for happiness (your seritonin/dopamine is inhibited or deficient) it's not going to happen.

I think also that's why people say no one can love you until you love yourself. You're creating the receptors for love in yourself when you learn to love yourself.

Or think of something like.... It's easier to bend something if it has been bent before and receptive to being bent again.

Our feelings are all inside us already, they're just waiting for the conditions to get triggered.

Sorry if this post is confusing. It's something I think about but haven't found anyone else talk about. I'm sure someone will have a much better nuanced answer, and I welcome it.