How to stop being a JEALOUS pickmeisha?

blackopium777 · 2020-01-06T14:46:30+00:00

I had this when I was an ugly Teenager. I think that the toxic mindset comes from the huge focus on males that you have. You still Think that male validation has any worth and thats not true and needs time to be unlearned. I got over this once I got to know myself better. I started doing things that feel good to me. I started wearing stuff that looked good to me. When I found myself, I found that I have no reason to be jealous. Males arent worth it after all. I appreciated the amazing women around me and started to look at their beauty with a feeling of happiness that people like them exist. And I myself felt beautiful, because I did things that Made me happy. Maybe that helps, but its really really hard and takes years. Dont try to improve yourself to be more valued by males. You should improve to feel good with who you are.

velocity2ds · 2020-01-06T16:31:12+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy! Just work on you and self acceptance for how you are. Work on your confidence by building skills and hobbies. Don’t focus just on your looks cause your self validation should be self evident and not reliant on external factors. You need to have pride and confidence in your abilities that way end of the day at least you like yourself genuinely.

I am in recovery for an eating disorder and one thing my workshops from it taught me is that even if I change my physical x and y it wouldn’t change the actual issue. You need a mental mindset change. If you change one physical thing to be what you think it should be like you’ll very likely just gain a new insecurity to fixate over. It’s easier said than done to be totally self accepting but it’s just a process that you have commit to.

For me personally not wearing makeup ever and lifting weights has made me more confident about existing in my natural state. Also reading a lot of feminist theory has helped me too.

Someone else’s beauty doesn’t take away anything from you

circescircus · 2020-01-06T15:21:03+00:00

Work on your self-esteem issues and internalized misogyny.

Unable_Caterpillar · 2020-01-06T20:21:21+00:00

My friends are gorgeous and I’m fat. Like I’m pretty imo, but I’m fat, always will be fat even with surgery, diet, and exercise. It’s how I’m built. I also have an extremely apple figure, no hourglass shape at all or hips at all. The vast majority of men don’t like me. Meeting people irl is impossible, I HAVE to go online.

One of my gorgeous friends goes from one LTR to another and is literally never single. I’m her only female friend. She can’t handle being alone and honestly I feel sorry for her. She always has men waiting in the wings and it’s clear she loves that attention. I don’t think it’s healthy.

Another gorgeous friend of mine is really needy. I was just hanging out with her and her fiancé the other day and I just realized how much she does to anticipate his needs and how he basically doesn’t do anything for her unless asked, and even then she has to “nag” since he won’t do it right away.

Many men fall in love with the fantasy of a woman. Being average (like being fat) is honestly a blessing. It weeds out a lot of trash. It prevents you (a bit) from being hounded by men who only care about your looks and the fantasy idea they have of you.

I used to not date. I used to think no one would have me. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you’ll find a HVM and that you’re desirable, then it will actually happen. It worked for me, tbh it feels a little like magic.

Anyway, good luck. Some jealousy is normal. Just recognize it and realize you don’t know the full story. Everyone struggles.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-06T15:10:50+00:00

I have no advice simply because either my friends and I are all single because we won't settle for lv men OR they are in garbage relationships I couldn't possibly be jealous of.

I don't have even one good CLOSE friend who's in a great relationship. I have a couple married friends with older kids and everything seems great for them. One of my married friends has six damn kids (five of them his) and caught her husband cheating and kicked his ass to the curb.

I wish I had actual advice. Your situation might make me uncomfortable, but I've never experienced it. I'm not quite as attractive as some of my different friends,but I know guys like all types so I never felt jealous or insecure. One of my old friends was a 6' blonde bombshell and I was 5' and brunette. We were an odd couple for sure. I never felt less seen by men.

aclumsygirl · 2020-01-06T15:54:13+00:00

Your best bet is to ask your friends these questions! If they're really your friends they'll give you advice. I've done it for friends who have asked.

raindampened · 2020-01-06T16:18:14+00:00

I'm in a similar situation and unfortunately still didn't get out of it. but I'm on the journey of becoming more beautiful. so what I experienced with men so far is that the better you look the better chances you have. simply bc the better you look the more men you attract and that gives you better chances at finding a HVM. also a HVM who takes care of his looks will expect similar level of attractiveness of his partner.

now you shouldn't look better bc of men but bc you DESERVE to look good which boosts your confidence and also comes with privileges which is mainly that people treat conventionally attractive people better. most women deserve to be treated with respect and unfortunately our society only gives that to attractive people.

so the first thing that comes to my mind in a situation like this is looks maxing or "looksmaxxing" as r/Vindicta would write.

- try to be at a healthy/ideal weight there are many sites that will tell you if you should lose weight or gain weight. - https://tdeecalculator.net/

- if you are at a healthy weight then eating genuinely healthy is still something you should aim for bc being healthy makes you attractive.

- r/SkincareAddiction - try to have a good skincare so your skin looks nice, clean, and healthy and doesn't age rapidly (sunscreen, cleanser, moisturizer, and drinking lots of water).

- try to have a great style - makeup; r/MakeupAddiction - stylish hair, stylish clothes, shoes, jewellry.

probably you already have a HVW in you who is sexy, elegant, cute, beautiful and pretty. you just need to learn how to decorate yourself and emphasize your beauty.

for example I'm on my weightloss journey and my face is still not pretty enough bc of the fat I have overall on my face and body. but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try in the mean time. bc there's a difference looking nice with a chubby face and looking like a rotten couch potato with a chubby face.

throwdawholemanzaway · 2020-01-07T02:12:17+00:00

If you want practical advice here are a few. None of them are easy, but you will reap multiple benefits when you do them.

How good-looking/ugly are you really? Ask your friends for a few pointers on how you could improve your look. In the same vein, you could go to a sub like /r/Vindicta and read then implement the top posts there. Take a few pictures and post them on photofeeler after you implement each thing. Don't submit your photo to the Reddit ones as you will get very shitty feedback from the bitter men who reside there.

This one is emotionally difficult when asking your friends. You will have to encourage them to be truthful. Being "rated" by strangers is scary

If you're overweight, lose weight. The difference in attention is night and day. Physically difficult.
These gorgeous women who have access to all these great guys could set you up with some good ones. You haven't mentioned anything in your post about being outgoing, only that up you asked out two guys.

Could be awkward but if these women are your friends, they will help you.

Start thinking about what you want out of life and from men. The only thing I got from your post about your desires is that you were envious of your friend's model looking bf. When you have a stronger sense of self and some hobbies, you attract like minded people and also meet more people with the same interests.

There is a mod here ( /u/AveragetoHot )that leveled hereself up and started dating HVM.

There is nothing stopping you from reaching your potential except yourself.

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