How can I, as a woman, make my boyfriend happy and be marriage material?

[deleted] · 2013-09-30T07:47:03+00:00

I have a long term girlfriend myself and subscribe to most redpill ideals, though I am not as extreme as some thinkers here.

To be thought of as attractive as a long term partner, you will have to change how you view life and relationships. Give him incentives to value you besides just your physical looks-a feminine woman is almost automatically raised a point or two on the 10 scale. Kindness, an aura/attitude of nurturing, deference/submission to him, and openness of your own feelings are basic core traits of a feminine woman.

As much as men like to complain about the emotional nature of women, it is something that we value and cherish: someone who can experience high highs and low lows, an ocean of turmoil upon whose waves can break upon the man's sturdy rock of a psyche. As long as you're not being bipolar/borderlinePD, men will always prefer an emotional girl to one who masks her emotions with sarcasm or other fronts.

As for deference/submissiveness, you don't have to act like a beaten slave girl, just defer to his judgment on things when he is adamant about them. Be considerate to his needs. Make him lunch and/or dinner, and have a drink ready if he's home later than you.

All of these things are dependent on his performance as a man. If your deference is continually met by disappointment or failure on his part, then you are within your rights to break up with him. Going through hard times is one thing, but if he fucks things up constantly, it's on him.

One last thing: never use sex as a weapon. Ever. Nothing quite fractures the emotional base of a relationship like a woman manipulating a man with her sex.

IllimitableMan · 2013-09-30T10:14:54+00:00

What I value in women

don't hate men
intellectual/read, you can make a point well but don't feel like you have to impose it and always be right
she likes to fuck a lot and doesn't make drama out of sex or weaponise it.
She'll support my plans and help me execute them, she's not trying to mother or control but assist and enrich
She sees us as a team, not me a target to discuss with friends
I feel loved when a woman bothers to cook me something
The shit tests are minimal after I cruise through the "getting to know you" stage. I won't deal with a woman whose so insecure that she won't let up shit testing.

Can't say I've found a woman who manages all this shit, hence plates. Notice the lack of desire for her to have a good job or provide or be high status and have lots of friends, those things are IRRELEVANT to men.

Most women self sabotage relationships and then wonder why the love of their life is gone. Other times hes beta you mother him and boom same outcome.

DrMungMung · 2013-09-30T05:14:50+00:00

Support him like you would an investment.

The better he can do what he is good at.. the more able he is to support your skills.

Something simple as making his lunch every day is a start.

Communication and being honest... if you are unhappy say so and why... if you are horny say so and why.. etc.

With your peers and especially in public.. do not EVER talk badly about your man.. this is like toxic poison to the relationship. If you have an issue.. bring it up privately with your man.. don't use other people to gang up on him. ( ex. Telling all his buddies he doesn't do shit around the house when they are over for a bbq )

And honestly enjoy having sex with him.... and come up with some new stuff on your own once in a while.. but not from Cosmo please.

Good question!

[deleted] · 2013-09-30T07:46:22+00:00

Have his back 100% of the time. Apologize and be penitent when you fuck up. Never try to rationalize or explain your fuck up. Treat him well. Appreciate him.

substence · 2013-09-30T08:34:42+00:00

Be happy and show him that you want him to be happy. Randomly buy him his favorite beer on the way home and he's more likely to wash an extra dish after dinner. He's not likely to start an argument with you if you're smiling and being pleasant to him. A good mood is contagious.

But above all else, communication. You can't solve a problem if either party is unaware of it.

[deleted] · 2013-09-30T21:41:38+00:00

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Labarum · 2013-09-30T11:19:34+00:00

Just Four Guys just posed an article about girl game: http://www.justfourguys.com/girl-game-is-simple-yet-so-hard/

Most of it boils down to taking care of your body and being nice.

fategggringo · 2013-09-30T15:49:37+00:00

Marriage is a losing proposition for an American male no matter what. The system is heavily skewed against him. To be a great girlfriend, be supportive, cook, clean, and value your partner. But only if he's worth it.

ss_camaro · 2013-09-30T18:04:46+00:00

Don't ask him to marry you. Don't expect to get married and refuse to marry if he is foolish enough to propose.

PinkfloydPurplefloyd · 2013-09-30T05:37:44+00:00

There is a female redpill subreddit where you can ask these sort of questions and receive a better response: /r/RedPillWomen

nicethingyoucanthave · 2013-09-30T13:24:33+00:00

Have you heard the term, "Schrodinger's Rapist?" It's a term that feminists came up with to justify treating all men with suspicion. Men, of course, find that offensive. "I'm not going to hurt anyone!" they say. But feminists retort, "that's not the point. The point is, you have the power to hurt, so therefore I must always be suspicious of you."

I tell you that story because I want you to understand that I find the term offensive. And I want you to understand that I know how you'll feel about what I'm going to say next - I know that you'll find it offensive, but it's the truth.

A man who understands the risks involved in marriage isn't going to get married. There's nothing you can do to change that. You cannot make yourself "marriage material" in a society in which marriage is this big of a risk.

are there any people here who believe in the general redpill/men's rights ideas but still have women they truly value and love in their lives?

I do! I love with all my heart. I'm very open and caring and giving. And the women I've been with have been the same - I've been very privileged to know wonderful women that have greatly enriched my life. I've been incredibly happy with almost every relationship I've had.

But I'm still not going to get married again. Because no matter how great a woman she is, I'm still worrying about "schrodinger's divorce settlement." In a marriage, she'll have the power to take things from me. I know. I know. No woman that I've ever met would actually do it (and this is not sarcasm btw) but in a marriage, they'd all have the power to do it.

I just don't see that as a healthy relationship dynamic. Do you? Look, you said this yourself:

I have acted bitchy to him in the past, and he ... sets me straight if i'm acting out of line.

That's awesome. That's how people act when they respect each other. If he asts like an asshole, I bet you set him straight too, right? Same with me. I've said things without thinking and hurt a girl's feelings. She'll call me out on it, and I respect her for that.

That's a healthy relationship. But a marriage would destroy that dynamic. In a marriage, you'll keep doing that to him, but he'll feel pressure to stop doing it to you. It's fundamentally unhealthy.

I'm sorry. There's really nothing you can do about it.

I'll leave you with this other important difference between schrodinger's rapist and schrodinger's divorce settlement: if he hurts you, then the legal system is your ally. He might be put in jail. You can get restraining orders, etc. It's not perfect, but the legal system is on your side. By contrast, if you two got married and you decided to hurt him, the legal system would be the tool you use to hurt him - how fucked up is that?

Why would any man volunteer for that?

It's not your fault. Both of you are just victims of the society into which you were born. But it is the reality. So you have to face it.

Be satisfied with the life that you have with him.

the thinking here is often so black and white - women are soulless demons, relationships are only about exchange of value

I regret that you can get that impression from this subreddit. I hope that nothing I've ever said would lead you to believe that I feel that way.

HumanSockPuppet · 2013-09-30T15:08:55+00:00

Here in TheRedPill, we often tell men not to take advice from women on how to date women. The analogy is usually phrased as:

If you want to catch fish, ask the advice of a fisherman.

I think we would be remiss if we didn't apply the same advice in reverse. We men might be able to give you decent advice about how to keep us given that we're less solipsistic than women, but the same general risk of bias applies.

OP, you would do well by reading /r/RedPillWomen. It's full of women like you who are trying to restore the lost art of femininity as a basis for attracting men.

Definitely check it out. And a lot of us Red Pill guys participate in that subreddit too, so you won't be completely removed from our insight or suggestions either.

LifterofThings · 2013-09-30T21:15:11+00:00

Fortunately, it sounds like you've hooked one with a spine! Which is awesome, because you know you're probably not unwittingly destroying him with carelessness and belittling.

I'm female, so take this advice with that in mind...

Forget the score-- your job henceforth is to please him, selflessly.

I should qualify this in a couple ways: 1) Go into the relationship expecting that he's gonna reciprocate. Don't wait for him to give you something to give something back... but if you seem to be doing all the giving and you're feeling resentful and taken advantage of... might be time for a new bf.

2) This ultimately says nothing about your character, besides that you are a devoted partner. You can be capable, empowered, intelligent, an individual and also be sweet and doting with your man. Being unyielding and self-absorbed doesn't make you powerful-- it makes you an asshole. Don't believe the feminist hype.

Ultimately you'll wanna find a partner who is compatible with you, such that meeting his needs comes relatively naturally to you. For instance, I am not naturally a clean-freak. Dating dudes who are also not clean-freaks makes life a lot simpler for me-- I mean, I could feasibly learn/fake it, but it would require an outrageous amount of effort on my part, such that I'd probably end up a little exhausted and resentful.

Stuff many (if not most!) dudes like: sex, that you want to be pretty for him, food, respect, loyalty, praise, sincerity, empathy. Good luck!

torn_paper_heart · 2013-09-30T10:07:51+00:00

are there any people here who believe in the general redpill/men's rights ideas but still have women they truly value and love in their lives?

I do. I am very close to most all of my ex's, especially my latest one - I consider her my closest friend. We broke up because I was going through some deep emotional issues that had nothing to do with her, or women in general.

and what are these women like?

Well, they are all different, but what they do have in common is that they respect me, and I them. While none of the relationships worked out for various reasons, they all are exceptional people. The ones I care for most are caring, laid back, and open minded. Some of them I couldn't continue to date because they were clingy and needy in the relationship - but that doesn't come into play as friends.

And in nearly all of my past relationships, I've enjoyed dating them for the majority of the time. The things that made me love them were the way we could share experiences and talk on a deep and honest level, lots of great sex, some basic shared values, and being able to have fun and get along. Things that made me want to leave them: being needy in an unfair way, being dishonest or cheating, having different goals for the relationship.

The big thing for me is that my gf respect my alone time, and time with the guys. She has her girlfriends that I find silly, and I have my crew that she finds rowdy and basic. But we both must accept one another friends and support that. And whether she likes to spend a lot of time doing things alone or not, I'm a person who does need that. If I lose the ability to spend a good deal of time alone with my hobbies, just decompressing and enjoying myself, then I go insane and resent the person who I feel took that away.

Also, expecting me to tag along to family gatherings and social events with people I don't know too often gets tiring. As a supportive bf, I try to do that several times a month, and enjoy it as long as it is only that often. But I had one gf who expected me to come have dinner with her parents every single evening. That was just too constricting. I don't see my own family that often. I loved her family, but on a lot of days I just had other stuff I would have preferred to do. We didn't last long, because she was the same with other things - if we were making out on the couch, and I had to go take a leak, she would grab my arm and whine "No! Don't leave! I want you to stay here!". I got that it was supposed to be playful, but she would really keep at it and it literally got to be a pain in the ass every time I needed to pee. It was ridiculous.

So my advice is to give him plenty of space. Have your own life - include him in it, but don't expect him to give up his friends and interests so that you can do everything together all the time. Be two individuals with a bond, not a pair of Siamese twins trying to do every single thing together because it somehow seems romantic.

Try to get interested in the things he loves, though. You don't have to become a fantasy football fanatic, but if his team wins - cheer!

Treat him like he is a huge stud. Like he is the best sex you've ever had. If he isn't, teach him what makes you go nuts so that he can become that. Men love feeling like big, strong heroes. So encourage him to be like that, be positive. Help him be the kind of man that you would forget about all other men for.

And in the meantime, don't get fat (it's just a fact of life, it's not fair, but if you gain a whole bunch of weight we just don't find it appealing), don't fight unfairly (like women can be so good at), don't make him a scapegoat for outside problems, do things that make him feel special - even if it means doing something you wouldn't normally, think of it as a gift. But hold him to his responsibilities as your SO. If he is eyeing other women, call him out and maybe get a little extra freaky in bed to help him keep his mind on you. Be vulnerable and need help sometimes - nothing makes a man feel better than rescuing a damsel in distress.

Oh, and let him do you in the butt - don't just let him do it, explore buttsecks together in a way that you learn to really like it. I don't know why men love it so much, but pretty much all of us do. And the difference between a girl who just "lets us" do it once in a while, and a girl who is a total butt slut and just craves it in her ass - well, that can be the difference between a keeper and moving on. I know that seems weird and not necessarily like something you should have to do - but you asked how you could make him happy and make him want to give up all other women for you - that is one thing that is kind of a magic bullet. If he knows that you just love getting fucked in the ass by him, if he's like most of us guys, he'll be more than happy to come home to you every night! I know it's weird, but it is true for most guys.

not-claudius · 2013-09-30T14:33:10+00:00

You must remember "red pill" is a theoretical framework, obviously application is gonna be different. I think you and your boyfriend need to find a happy medium for the both of you. Yes he's a dude and you're a chick, but at the heart of it we're also individuals with our own little preferences and idiosyncracies.

Tbh though, I feel like if you're asking this question now, at your age, there's very little to no chance for you.

[deleted] · Wed Oct 2 20:43:34 2013 UTC

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3rt41 · 2013-09-30T15:40:46+00:00

Just don't be fucking stupid like most girls are.

Learn to relax and say "oh.. whatever"

Basically you should act and think more like a man (not like the typical girl) to be appreciated by a man

tyrryt · 2013-09-30T18:33:29+00:00

The fact that you're asking the question puts you higher than most women.

[deleted] · Mon Sep 30 5:11:11 2013 UTC

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BeaverTrap · 2013-09-30T07:26:03+00:00

What you really need to do is be yourself above all other things. you change the way you are to satisfy him, you have to continue being a different person to keep him. you will tire of that real fast and feel as though you can't be who you really are, example, you feel like a slut but act like a good girl. you will never get to let down your facade and be the horny lil slut for fear of rocking the boat, you will crave the slut experience but can't go there. be true to yourself, if it doesn't work, you will find someone who wants you just as you are.

Title	How can I, as a woman, make my boyfriend happy and be marriage material?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	32
Comments	41
Date	September 30, 2013 5:04 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1nf6yk/how_can_i_as_a_woman_make_my_boyfriend_happy_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-can-i-as-a-woman-make-my-boyfriend-happy-and.6949 https://theredarchive.com/post/6949

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