Love bombed, slow fade by fuckboi - how do I respond?

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2019-11-15T18:56:34+00:00

He got what he wanted, a quick fling/fuck on vacation, and now he has no use for you. He never wanted anything more than that. Now that the two of you won't be crossing paths again this fuckboy doesn't need to say anything else to you.

You caught feelings, I understand, but you need to let this go and take it as a lesson for the next fuckboy you meet. Fuckboys will tell you anything and everything to get you to sleep with them. They'll promise you the moon and stars of they think it'll get them in your pants. You say you live "only" 5 hours apart back home but that's more than enough distance to ensure you never run into each other casually. He has no intentions of starting something more back home.

You can tell him off if you want but block him immediately after you say what you need to. Don't ask questions, because you're not going to get closure that will satisfy you. Don't get caught up in a useless back and forth. There is no good relationship to have here.

FinchRosemta · 2019-11-16T00:11:49+00:00

I’m really caught off guard by this

Why are you caught off guard like this? This is a real question. Like I could see this happening from a mile away. What else did you expect to happen? Lets break it down shall we. From your retelling of the events:

didn’t want to hook up with him right away because I told him I didn’t want to be that girl who was just a one night stand while on vacation and he kind of blew off my concern like I was overanalyzing the situation

So you stated your boundaries and he dismissed them? Why were you so eager to spend time with some who so easily dismissed your valid concerns? Or were they not actually for him but you were trying to convince yourself. Like if you say it out loud and something still happens you can blame him?

We did end up hooking up.

So.....you ARE just that girl that hooks up on vacation. He was right to dismiss what you said because you didn't actually mean it. You just needed some convincing. All the stuff you mentioned above "We spent a few days together, spent all night talking, sharing, and the days we spent exploring and adventuring" can be ignored. That's just the ingredients he put in to get what he wanted which was a hookup. That's you trying to rationalize the situation.

I've been traveling and the things you mentioned are normal things that friends so on trips not anything super special which would make you go back on your previously stated boundary.

Anyway, you aren't mad at this dude. He is just where you are choosing to point your anger. You are mad at yourself. For not respecting your own boundary. For being exactly the type of girl you said you weren't. Maybe you are experiencing some sort of cognitive dissonance. Oh I don't hookup! And yet you do! So now this dude is the bad one because you cannot come to grips with the fact that you are not who you say you are. Your sense of self is being challenged.

Why are you giving this guy more of your time and energy? What he calling him out going to do? He lives 5 hrs away. He clearly gives no fucks about you and will probably just laugh and pass him phone around to show people the "crazy chick" he hooked up with and how she can't take a hint.

Imma drop this background info on him in a roast on his man ego

He already knows this is a thing and public knowledge. You aren't going to hurt his ego. What you are doing though, is lashing out to preserve your own ego. You need to feel as if you got one up on him. That you came out better. Because you let yourself down. You have an image of yourself that is not based in reality.

My advice before you embarrass yourself further, if yo just block him, delete his number and step away from the situation.

Spend sometime thinking about:

Why you didn't stick to your boundary
Why you were so eager to spend time with someone who was so dismissive to you.
What the real source of your anger is.

Some some self reflection is needed. As you are traveling, it's a great time for that.

typicalpersian · 2019-11-15T19:31:41+00:00

This same thing happened to my friend this summer to the point where I thought she wrote this at first. They live a 15 minute Uber and a 30 minute bus ride away in the same city and that didn’t help. They didn’t hook up while abroad but she couldn’t stop thinking about him until he returned and took her out. He love bombed her for 2 months and she fell for it and he basically faded away under the guise of “not knowing what he wants” “just getting out of a relationship” etc. He should have thought about that before he said “I love you” and called my friend his girlfriend (of course she asked “what are we”). Living in the same city wouldn’t have changed anything. Ya took the bait and fell for it. You delete his number and move on with your life.

randomgirlimok · 2019-11-16T15:00:17+00:00

If you hadn’t hooked up with him, you wouldn’t have given him a second thought when he started fading and saved yourself a whole lot of anxiety. Hold out on sex, guys who actually want to be with you will wait.

AverageToHot · 2019-11-15T20:13:41+00:00

Girl, stop hooking up with men without a commitment!!

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2019-11-15T22:37:24+00:00

Uhhh.. his initials wouldn't happen to be AS, would they? Sounds very similar to a dude one of my friends hooked up with abroad. Including coke dealing. 😂😂

throwedaway17 · 2019-11-15T19:15:01+00:00

Only 5 hours? Thats such a distance!

Title	Love bombed, slow fade by fuckboi - how do I respond?
Author	throwedaway17
Upvotes	31
Comments	19
Date	November 15, 2019 4:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dwta4j/love_bombed_slow_fade_by_fuckboi_how_do_i_respond/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/love-bombed-slow-fade-by-fuckboi-how-do-i-respond.695277 https://theredarchive.com/post/695277

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