What does love feel like?

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December 27, 2018
60 upvotes

Hi there, I am asking this question because I am unsure as to what love feels like, or what the redpill version of love is. More specifically I want to know how it differs from oneitis.

Now for me I can either experience oneitis or no love at all. With my current LTR Ive gone through periods of intense oneitis, but I notice the outcome is that I become more beta and also become more insecure about her past sex life (I have had troubles with retroactive jealousy with every partner I've had and I realized the route cause of it was that I was overly attached)

I want to be able to love my LTR without this clingy feeling of wanting to own her and putting her on a huge pedestal. I want to be able to love her while understanding that she is just an addition to my life, not the centre of it. I want to be able to love her for what she is, and for her shortcomings and imperfections, but how the fuck do I do this? What am I meant to feel, how am I meant to feel it?

Every time I close myself off after noticing my oneitis is coming back, my gf notices and asks why I am becoming "more distant" or tells me I am becoming "cold".

Please can someone explain to me what love is meant to feel like within an ltr, and how I am meant to provide a measured sense of affection. Thanks


Post Information
Title What does love feel like?
Author 2fassy
Upvotes 60
Comments 46
Date 27 December 2018 12:15 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/71650
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a9ty2f/what_does_love_feel_like/
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Comments

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen60 points61 points  (4 children) | Copy

Now for me I can either experience oneitis or no love at all.

http://archive.is/agtCP

http://archive.is/FaeIe

[–]captaintrippay7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beautiful

[–]Barkingtaco2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Much blessings

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, much appreciated

[–]z2a1-9-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

^ This.

[–]ainihon28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s a very tough question OP.

One can love unconditionally. But the moment you insert “need” into the picture like how they do in the movies. You’re ruined.

Love, but be outcome independent. Love, but never show you need. Think like Rick in “Rick and morty. Don’t need anyone, or anything.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've heard many people say on this forum that within an LTR, you should be able to love but also be able to walk out on her in 30 seconds if she crosses the line. I think this may be getting used to the idea that I don't "need" her in my life

[–]MrFiles8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Love is when you're in complete trust and relaxed in your own skin and proud of what you bring to the world. Love isn't something you get love is something you do

[–]SKRedPill18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy

First of all you need to stop fearing the possibility of getting hurt. Just accept this that everything you think you can rely on will only come and go and nothing and nobody is around forever - it's only a question of when and how. Don't try to guarantee an end result. The end result isn't a life worth living for, you will become very unhappy and confused if you pin your hopes on an outcome that is never really in your hands. You can guarantee what you can to meet a goal, but the outcome depends on stuff bigger than yourself. You have to accept that.

First accept why you feel insecure - you don't want to get hurt or abandoned, and your guts are telling you to beware of women's pasts because the past baggage of an intimate sexual relationship (especially if it was with her "idealized alpha") imprints itself too strongly on them to allow them to properly bond with you the same way. Third, you need some freedom. Your mind closing off is an attempt to try and secure your freedom. Fourth, your body is particular about it's genes passing on vs others' and to ensure that your children are really your own. Society might have changed, but the body hasn't changed a cell since the stone age.

Instead of doing passive aggressive stuff to meet these needs, just meet them directly - especially your need for freedom or facing your fear of pain.

Your body hormones are primed for doing what they're doing right now, but those same hormones will later dwindle after the honeymoon and things will come back to reality again. You will get attached no matter what in a relationship and if that attachment breaks for any reason, it will hurt. If you recognize this, you can face it consciously. Running away from it only makes this a big issue in your life. You're like a child not wanting the painful injection, when you're grown up you feel "Hey, this ain't nearly as bad as I thought". That's how it is.

Remember, at some level, you're still hanging on to your parents and feeling incomplete. Fill yourself up with abundance and a real life first. Believe what you really wrote up there, it will take time for a new belief system to reprogram your mind.

There is no real thing called love as you think you can define it (you have a problem with this word) - all love is either need or abundance. Love just sweetens the cake so that you will feel like eating it. You want to know what red pilled love is - start by becoming a father to yourself. Love yourself first and accept all aspects of your masculinity and put them all in their proper places.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her sexual past isn't anything crazy, infact her ncount is fairly modest, however I've had this problem with every partner I've had. It may just be down to the fact that I haven't properly developed the abundance mentality, and the fact that her sexual partner count is higher than mine. Thanks for the great response, I really am considering breaking the relationship off to go and fuck some girls, I don't want this to be an issue for the rest of my life.

[–]el_Technico5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

https://youtu.be/HEXWRTEbj1I

Sorry, couldn't help it guys.

It's just a chemical response that makes you feel happy generally.

[–]1jacques_cousteau00710 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

[–]_the_shape_4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, he's talking about love - he wants to know

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I could tell you, but I Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love.

[–]alleyteris2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are allowed to love but also must be outcome independed,BUT you are obliged to love yourself first and foremost

[–]jenovajunkie11 points12 points  (11 children) | Copy

Love is when TRP v. TBP doesn't really matter anymore.

People's opinion won't matter to what you want anymore.

[–]throwawaybpdnpd7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy

Nope, that’s called neediness or oneitis; that’s not love.

[–]jenovajunkie2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Right. That is understandable for someone with an ego, I left it vague. Yet if I need or want to be with someone, I let them know, same goes for her. There's no ego involved. Love to me is worth it if it's reciprocated. If not, it's just a waste of time.

[–]throwawaybpdnpd2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

It’s got nothing to do with ego, it’s all about learning to feel new emotions through unlearning older bad ones

If love makes you feel needy, it means you ain’t ready to handle a relationship yet; you won’t have enough self control over your emotions to lead

[–]jenovajunkie1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

It has everything to do with ego, I can say I have no problem admitting that I need more of my girlfriend, because I love her.

I have no problem admitting that, doesn't mean I don't maintain healthy boundaries, or enjoy time to myself, it's me not being a douche and be true upfront. That some part of me does along to her, not because I am some sissy, but because I am real.

[–]throwawaybpdnpd1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

We’re not talking about boundaries here, we’re talking about emotions; those can also be rewired (unlearn to relearn) in your brain

You jump to conclusions very fast, I used to be exactly like you feeling everything and letting loose and didn’t consider me or anybody a “sissy”; that’s YOUR OWN insecurities/pov speaking (aka ego)

“Needing” your GF is against TRP, if you don’t like our way to think then go elsewhere but don’t start supposing or judging us for being the way we thrive to be; saying that our way of being is “douchy” I find is actually douchy of you...

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Hey did I judge you, or did you judge me? If I comment on what I think love is, what does it matter to you? I think I feel everything huh, that I am so empathic narcissist, everything has to be my way. Well it doesn't, the man asked for everyones idea of love. I have been an activist for 6 years, starting with disability, to mental health, to anti-feminism and gender equality, finally to MRA. So I am entitled to my opinion on what love is.

Do we have a problem.

[–]throwawaybpdnpd0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That guy asked on The Red Pill specifically, logically he’s looking for a RP answer and yours was contradictory to this community’s emotional belief system; hence my reply

I as well did lots of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) to learn about mental health, I studied philosophy and different ideologies as well as researching central nervous system rewiring

I believe (based on stats and analytical data) that educating then conserving an RP lineage is the only way to get a lifelong happy and thriving relationship

I was simply trying to state some facts from the sidebar

I do not have a problem with you, happy holidays.

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You did what most males do, is fight for dominance. Re-read the post, when I read it he asked for both TRP and other ideologies; great love does exist outside of TRP as well.

We provided a good contrast together. Kudos all 'round.

[–]Venenarium0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

" Love to me is worth it if it's reciprocated. If not, it's just a waste of time. "

This isn't Love in neither blue-pill nor red-pill understanding of the word. Perhaps you should sort-out what exactly is it you're looking for?

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I answered the OP, is there something you'd like to say? Then perhaps you can answer separately. Or you can keep reading the thread.

I have nothing else to say.

[–]Venenarium0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough

I liked your original answer tho

[–]htowntrav2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

“I need to reed the side bar.” You can love your kids, job, house, football team, car, guns, video games, money, school. Whatever the hell you please. But once you put a woman on a pedal will your blue pill ideologies. It’s no longer love.

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel your agony, man. It's a phase we all go through, in our young years. "Am I being true to my significant other, and to myself? How am I supposed to love correctly? How do I make it work, so that I feel happy?"

These questions have been the bases of whole philosophies, so there is no quick answer. They do serve as a good basis for your trip to full manhood, though. Here are some starters:

1) There are three kinds of love:

a. Lust ("I wanna fuck her"),

b. "Eros", the idealized "romantic love", being "in love".

c. Attachment, what some call "true love", that warm feeling of connectedness.

2) Women can have only the two first: lust and "in love". They can have the third one, attachment, connectedness, but only if they also have b., "in love" concurrently. Once b. stops - and it does after a couple of years, "real love" starts deteriorating rapidly. For practical application, just consider women incapable of feeling "true love".

3) Early human societies didn't have marriage, neither did they identify paternity. Men didn't know who their children were, and the burden of raising children fell mainly on women. (On the tribe, as well, but this is another, big, issue). A couple of years after a woman got impregnated, there was a high chance the man would leave. So women evolved to use "love" to extract resources from men, in order to support themselves and raise their offspring. Many implications here, but what you need to keep is this: The moment it is made clear that you depend on her, she gets burdened with an unbearable feeling that she has to "carry" you. We, men, even derive pleasure from this feeling, it largely sums up the feeling of "love" for us. It is exactly the other way around for women. Men are love-givers, women are love-takers.

What you need to do, then, is protect your capacity to give love. This often means that you need to withhold your love - let her squirm about it, if need be, because if you give in, she will stop "feeling love" for you.

"But I need her to love me, take care of me. How do I do that?"

Yeah, how do you cover your love needs?

Friends, body. Excluding our sexual needs, we men can only get cared for by, and depend on, our male friends. Just as Ulysses got to enjoy the siren's song, but only after being tightly tied to the mast by his comrades, you can enjoy "love" with women, but only if you have a strong foundation, that includes support by your male friends.


Having written this, and as I re-read it, I think: "Bullshit. How is he going to know what this is all about? From words read on the internet? There is no replacement for experience (for most people, at least)."

So, here's another idea:

Have one off.

Have deep conversations with your GF. Let her tell you what it is that she really wants. Tell her all your secret thoughts, all your needs, make her know, give her the chance to get to know your deepest worries and insecurities. Ask her to support you, every single time you feel down. Trust her completely. Let go, let your guard down and lose yourself in your love with her.

See where that leaves you.

Better do it now, than when you have a couple of kids, later on in life, and they have to face the consequences.

Here's if you want to learn more about it all.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Weakness

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

First, it feels like this, then it feels like this, but once you master TRP, it feels like this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Just out of curiosity, have you proposed the "idea" of an LTR to your GF? What was her reaction to it?

I lost my LTR by being beta and too clingy. I was too open with my LTR about my life, the "charm" she thought of me went away. I can't offer any advice, but please proceed with caution

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

What do you mean? Me and my gf are currently in an ltr, is there a difference?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

Ok, so I was in a relationship for the last four months, with a girl where I felt probably the same oneitis feeling you are feeling now, until my girl (20 years old) decided to get culturally engaged to her cousin on her parents whim (rich parents, rich 'fiance'), she wanted a rich lifestyle and blamed me for being irresponsible and financially incompetent to take care of her. The irresponsibility comes from the fact that I acted quite childish around her, I acted like a girl at times, reflecting back I was way fucking beta and never held frame, always said yes, and gave her what I wanted. The disneyesque charm went away, and our relationship turned to pure sex and lust.

I was going to make a TRP field report on it but I need more karma, but this is what I was gonna post:

https://pastebin.com/GZa33z6B

I never implicitly made the idea of an LTR clear from the onset of the relationship. I was on a whole different planet I was eventually told, "I never promised you commitment" and left.

So I'm asking if your GF verbally wants commitment.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Shit man thats a hell of a story, definitely should make a field report on it.

But yes, me and this girl are in a committed relationship

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

ok.

Don't fall victim to oneitis.

I don't think love is real. as mentioned here, woman definition of love is different than a males definition.

[–]adonis_syche1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you forget everything else ActiveAir said except this gold that " woman definition of love is different than a males definition ", you'd be good to go. Read and try to know more about it. Evolutionary Psychology by David M Buss (3rd Ed, 2007) would help you. Just read Part 3 of the book which pertains to sex and mating, you'd get a scientific/real picture.

Absorb that information and see if your outlook changes. And I think it is quite important since major decisions are made on a subconscious level first.

Anyhoo! I wish you all the best.

Btw, I have the pdf version of the book if you'd be interested. an email would do...dunno if sending by reddit is possible.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I might read it. What’s the summary?

[–]adonis_syche0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Summary would be too much injustice as the mating part is just one of the mere chapters. I'm fine sharing the entire pdf with you if you can tell me how...

[–]adonis_syche0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Garathon1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Jesus Christ man, read your story and you should have run far away from that mess of a girl far before you even met once. So many red flags just in your basic description.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I never found out about her past until into a good chunk of the relationship

[–]needoptionsnow1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis

[–]ricardomhv0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Love it's trusting that person and been able to communicate with them, to talk to them, it's being able to present yourself in a vulnerable way in a certain situation, love is commitment and love is sacrifice.

[–]Venenarium0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine that instead of LTR, you're in an open relationship with this girl. At any moment, on a whim, she can decide to dissappear forever.

Any time that you spend together is because both of you want to spend time together, not because of any obligations or rules you have to each other. You can not manipulate nor force her to be with you and she can spend the time she's not with you however she wants and with whoever she wants.

How does this make you feel? Given the conditions, could you imagine yourself being in love with the girl?



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