Experiences with alcoholism?

ThicThighzSavesLivez · 2021-01-12T18:57:07+00:00

I signed a new lease and told him I was leaving. Long story short he stopped drinking and got his shit together and became a HVM all on his own. I stopped “helping” and treating him like a baby, and removed myself from anything that had to do with him being an adult on his own. He figured it put real quick because he wanted it badly enough. If they don’t want it bad enough, then there’s nothing to be done but walk away.

candyfox84 · 2021-01-12T21:13:16+00:00

Hi there, I'm an alcoholic!

First, my heart goes out to you. Alcoholism is one of the most painful diseases, for anyone going through it themselves, or watching a loved one. It's a war and I've been on both sides. Support groups can be helpful. Just know that there is an emotional toll to being involved in al anon or AA and it's not for everyone, although it works great for some.

I recommend the Addicted Mind podcast, which feels like free therapy to me, but can also be useful to loved ones of alcoholics. I love reading about famous people who recovered (like Kristin Davis). I also enjoy reading about all kinds of treatment approaches, although sobriety is the only way for me.

My recovery was a deeply personal journey, there are so many theories about what works or doesn't work and in my opinion it really depends on the person. Unlike some, I think that love can be a catalyst to help someone transcend their addiction but it's a very risk gamble at a deep personal cost. I would say that the alcoholic needs to be damn near the end of their addiction to be willing to change in an ultimatum-type situation, and it depends on the severity. For example, do they admit they have a problem? Lies, refusing to change, or any other tell tale signs are poor indicators. Relapsing is a complex part of the healing process.

That goes against some of the principles of FDS that you are not there to fix someone, which is really the best way to live since I would never want someone to go through what I went through. The plus side, I can spot an alcoholic from a mile away because I have it. There is a lot of problem drinking/alcohol misuse in our contemporary society.

A triumph? I'll call it a triumph when I reach old age and I'm still sober. Until then, everyday is a small victory.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-01-12T18:06:43+00:00

This was a while ago. I went to visit a guy in a different city after a few lengthy months of online convos, and I had no idea until I got there he drank every single night, at least 6 beers on average. After the second night I called him out on that and pointed out I’m not getting to know the real him if he’s not sober, and he cried that night in bed cause I made him feel bad. Yeaaaah, just add that to the list of red flags along with a ton of other issues. He also told me later he lasted longer when drunk. The different was about a minute thirty to three minutes, don’t know how I ever let myself get roped into that nonsense. 🤦‍♀️

Sage_Planter · 2021-01-12T19:11:57+00:00

My last boyfriend had an addiction problem, but it didn't rear its ugly head until over two years into our relationship. Before that, I thought he was just a fun, social drinker. We both had a love of craft beer and fine wine, so I never really thought anything bad about it. Apparently he had alcohol addictions in the past, but he had never told me about it.

Then he went through some unexpected, traumatic life events, and he hit the bottle. Hard.

The biggest problem for me (and one of the reasons why we broke up) was that he didn't take responsibility or recognize that he had a problem which meant that he couldn't build the support system needed. Deep down, he knew he had a problem, but he didn't want to admit it to anyone, maybe even himself. He attended one or two AA meetings, but ultimately, I don't know, didn't care enough. I attended a few Al Anon meetings to help myself cope during that time.

Once things got bad for him with alcohol, I stopped drinking all together, and while he did take a serious break. It wasn't quite the break he actually needed, though. He needed to be telling his friends and family he had a problem so that they could help support him. Of course, he eventually started drinking "just" one or two beers during nights out because people didn't know he had a problem.

Within six months, I broke up with him. There was a big fallout for other reasons, but at the end of the day, "you're an alcoholic" made our already complicated relationship more complicated. It was too much to take on.

threedotlove · 2021-01-12T18:13:39+00:00

My ex was addicted to alcohol & a variety of substances, but he was very functional and did not recognize it as an addiction. But, smoking weed every day (with the explanation that he needed to do it), and binge-drinking Thurs-Sunday frequently being hungover on the weekends, and 3-4 drinks at every meal, screamed alcoholism to me.

I pushed it aside because I loved him very much, but a few things happened to me: I started drinking more by association, since every meal included alcohol + we went bar hopping with his friends a lot. I actually blacked out once, which had never happened to me, and lost an hour of my life. I gained a lot of weight. I had a lot of depressive ups and downs, usually after a night of drinking. My weekends were often ruined because I would be hungover. And, by the end of the relationship, I was solo drinking & getting drunk NIGHTLY because I was so stressed and anxious over our relationship that I was turning to substance abuse.

When we broke up, I dumped all alcohol and I have not been drunk since (6+ months). I do still drink from time to time - maybe 2x a month - but because I keep very different company now (I eliminated all the LV alcoholic and weed-addicted friends from my life, I don't go overboard. I find that COVID has helped - I can't go out like I used to, so the only way to get alcohol is to buy it and bring it home, so I simply don't go to the liquor/beer store.

I will say, my ex dumped me after a weekend vacation where he spent the entire time hopped up on a huge cocktail of drugs (hard & soft), and was drinking nonstop (morning-night, no water, just alcohol). He didn't contact me the entire time, which I tried to be OK with, but our relationship had already been decaying at that point. When he did dump me a few days later, he told me it was MY fault he had been partying and drinking so much, because my constant demands on him were SO STRESSFUL (I never demanded anything from him, seriously, just commitment). And he said he found it IMPOSSIBLE to have fun with his friends anymore because of me. Keep in mind, we hung out 2x a week, and he drank/hung out with his friends 4+ days a week. This never changed although I had asked him a handful of times to maybe spend a few more days with me here or there so I didn't feel like a a fuck buddy. I told his best friend this and he just rolled his eyes and told me he was flat out lying & he had always been this way.

After we broke up, we met up a few times, where he told me (to my face) that he has been binge drinking like crazy and having tons of fun. Our last meetup, he was binge drinking and high on drugs at a mutual friend party. After that, I decided I no longer wanted to be around that energy and cut everyone off.

I guess, TLDR, not only did I start to find myself also battling with addiction by association, but I ultimately got BLAMED for his addiction. So I decided I will never again date someone who does any sort of drugs, period, nor binge drinks.

Solution_Outrageous · 2021-01-12T18:22:46+00:00

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pineycitrusforest · 2021-01-13T23:05:48+00:00

Struggled with alcoholism and been to multiple rehabs. Now I'm over alcohol. No one could have fixed me. I couldn't fix myself. Honestly, I had to drink until it stopped giving me what I wanted. It wasn't a rock bottom so much as a "this isn't working anymore, and I'm tired of feeling like shit." If he is deep into his addiction, he loves alcohol more than you. He probably doesn't want to or wouldn't admit it, but he does.

throwaway_head_ache · 2021-01-13T02:34:02+00:00

My ex became dependant on alcohol about 6 months after our wedding. It led to him neglecting our relationship by going out all the time, being hungover or withdrawing a lot, and eventually adding drugs into the mix. Despite asking him to seek help and offering to help him get help, he refused over and over. It devolved into emotional abuse as he projected all his self hatred and awful behavior onto me. He became impossible to be around, was inconsistent, unreliable, and self absorbed. I left him in December, moved to my home state, and grieved the loss of my husband who, when sober, was kind, tender, funny, and generous.

I used to drink for fun sometimes and the whole experience has really soured my interest in alcohol. I attended Al Anon and Smart Recovery for awhile. Knowing that so many women had the same experience was actually really comforting. This wasn't a shameful secret or something I did, I learned that he is responsible for his choices and himself. And while I may have learned (and subsequently unlearned as I attended therapy during the whole thing) some maladaptive coping mechanisms to deal with it, there really wasn't anything I could do or change.

You'll make it through this OP. Addiction is hard but change is not impossible.

Quebeks · 2021-01-13T05:08:56+00:00

My NEX isn’t an alcoholic but an addict to opiates and eventually meth. He dabbled with opiates, mostly pills, but never seemed to have a problem. Then he stole medication from his lab job, and nearly got kicked out of school. This was a year after we married. We stayed together as I wanted to be the supportive wife, but this snowballed into him using IV meth, hallucinating and me finally leveling up (with my son) and kicked him out. After this he refused to go to rehab. Only after he was arrested for breaking into my house, did he go to rehab. We divorced soon after. He met his current girlfriend a month after he left rehab. He’s still sober, but he’s on probation. I know he will relapse because he hasn’t put in the work to fix that part of himself that lead him down this path. He’s a narcissist and pathological liar. He likely won’t ever change. Not sure if this is what you’re looking for, but that’s my story in a nut shell.

Title	Experiences with alcoholism?
Author	Solution_Outrageous
Upvotes	52
Comments	20
Date	January 12, 2021 5:38 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kvwd8v/experiences_with_alcoholism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/experiences-with-alcoholism.728916 https://theredarchive.com/post/728916

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