FDS and LVM/HVM Finance Advice

AbundantOverflow · 2021-01-11T04:30:25+00:00

Since personal finance is a favorite topic of mine (and I think it’s extremely important to discuss early and often), I weave it in by bringing up some news I saw or a story I heard and getting his take on it. Men who share my values on money usually get revealed this way if only by their interest in discussing it at a high level and how financially savvy his answer is (which can open the door for more detailed discussions if we are exploring the possibility of a future together).

The same way we’d ask questions about his career, his goals, or his family, we should feel comfortable asking about money if the relationship is at a point where his financial decisions are material to the decision to continue (I say before an exclusive relationship, but I know some ppl feel it’s not necessary until marriage is being discussed).

I will say that I think this is most effective if you as a HVW already have a firm grasp on your own financial goals and what will and won’t serve that. By this, I mean things like, spending attitudes, retirement plans, saving vs investing, etc. For example, I once dated a guy who was a decent saver but knew basically nothing about investing. This might have been okay for another HVW with different goals. He didn’t have any interest in learning about investing and passive income because he felt saving and frugal living was sufficient. That thinking is misaligned with my personal money philosophy so I passed on him.

Sage_Planter · 2021-01-11T04:32:19+00:00

Listen carefully to how he talks about money, observe where his financial priorities are, and ask questions about what you can as your relationship goes on. Ask him about student loans and his plans for retirement. Talk to him about how he spends money when he travels. Note what he's buying, what he spends money on, and what he prioritizes. Does he work a job that you think earns $70,000/yr, but he's driving a $60,000 car and eating out six nights a week? Does he act like he doesn't need to start saving for retirement until he's 50? It's also extremely important to note how his friends and family spend their money and what their financial priorities are.

Most people tend to give a lot of clues about their finances. I dated a man at the start of the year for three months, and it was easy to see quickly that our outlooks towards money were pretty similar. I've also been on dates with men who pretty immediately show red flags when it comes to finances. Even just look at yourself and see what your lifestyle communicates about how you spend money. Any many who dates me will learn pretty early on that I'm mostly practical with money (see: my car), but I also enjoy certain luxuries (see: the food I eat).

When you're getting ready to get engaged, you need to just lay it all out on the table. Literally. Both of you should have an open and honest conversation about money: salaries, retirement savings, investments, debts, student loans, mortgages, etc. Open your laptops and show your accounts to one another. This is one of my biggest regrets in my last relationship. My ex and I moved in together, and we didn't have a really serious conversation about money. It was a huge mistake.

Samvanderkamp123 · 2021-01-11T11:09:19+00:00

Underplay how much money you have. As far as he is concerned, you are just getting by. These LV men are looking for a soft place to land.

tallwomenneedlovetoo · 2021-01-11T14:20:39+00:00

A financially literate grown man will have a 401k or a Roth IRA. As soon as he became eligible at work, he should have started socking money away. He should also have plans on how to improve his station. That means saving, moving up in his career, paying off his house, not taking on extra debt and not just stagnating and blowing all his money at bars. That goes a long way in the vetting process as far as being a stable provider in the future.

You can also look up his job on Glassdoor to know how much someone in his position makes. If he lives in an apartment, you can go to his building’s website and look up the rental cost of the same number of bedrooms. If he lives in a home, you can look up what the property sold for and guesstimate about how much the mortgage is. If he has hobbies he talks about (and men LOVE talking about themselves,) you can extrapolate how much that costs monthly. Then look at his clothing, accessories, car. A man making 40k a year ought not be driving a 2021 Mercedes while wearing an Hermès belt and Gucci t-shirts.

One upside of the student loan debt epidemic is that people aren’t ashamed to say they have it. When you speak to a man about college days and/or politics around free college, they’ll usually bring up their balance.

pickadaisy · 2021-01-11T04:27:47+00:00

I think some of this could be assessed by seeing how he spends his money and what kind of things he owns. Looking at how he lives his life in comparison to how much money he makes. Listening to the way he talks about paying off bills or saving for something in the future. Listening to the way he weighs out a decision when he wants to purchase some thing that’s $100 or more.

In the end, you can never trust anyone but yourself. Keep your money safe, always have a hidden account if you move in with a man, don’t marry someone until you’ve had an opportunity to go through all their things and have all their passwords... 😂

weekend111 · 2021-01-11T12:45:34+00:00

Here we usually talk about how cheap men usually are. I broke up with one of my exes due to how boisterous he was. He had to display wealth no matter what. Wealth I later found out he didn’t have. Excessive displays of wealth are a red flag for me now.

I am a simple girl. This isn’t me being a pick me, this is who I am. I don’t like being showy.

Title	FDS and LVM/HVM Finance Advice
Author	NotYourBizThrowAway
Upvotes	49
Comments	12
Date	January 11, 2021 1:53 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kusipn/fds_and_lvmhvm_finance_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-and-lvmhvm-finance-advice.746431 https://theredarchive.com/post/746431

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