Vulnerability in relationships

Signal-Ad-8156 · 2021-04-07T15:25:18+00:00

Hey there I recommend the book “models” as it’s an excellent book on this exact topic.

I don’t know your girlfriend and I cannot Judge her by this short description. But it does sounds to me that saying “you are too perfect for me” and “I won’t mind if you go” as being very manipulative. And I honestly would bring it up and say that I don’t like it.

I should ask you why are you thinking about how much vulnerable you should be? Why not just be as honest as you can? I don’t say you should have no barriers but by being honest person you would be free of the overthinking of “is it too much?” . Being vulnerable and honest is not easy and you would have to express yourself even when you feel that you will be judged but That’s how Strong relationships are formed. By trust that you’re honest and she is as well.

RedPillDetox · 2021-04-08T12:38:18+00:00

I'm vulnerable whenever i want, however i want. She doesn't like it, she can gtfo. I'm not gonna play some "alpha male" persona and be miserable just to get her to like me. I'd rather be single.

This may help:

How to communicate weakness or vulnerability to women

zoemondo · 2021-04-07T18:59:08+00:00

Just in my own experience, refusing to be vulnerable (or limiting how vulnerable one will be) always backfires.

I can't begin to count how many dating stories from people I've heard that went "I was closed off and they dumped me, now I want to try to be vulnerable around them, will they take me back?"

Life comes with risks. If you can't be vulnerable around your partner, then who else can you be vulnerable around? They are the one person you should definitely trust.

unlivedbread · 2021-04-09T12:51:44+00:00

I just say fuck it and try to be myself. Sometimes that means being emotional but whatever. I feel like if you own it your girl might even find your confidence in being so vulnerable attractive.

Either way a girl who doesn't like your emotions should shown to the street ASAP. no point dating someone you cannot be yourself around

Yesm3can · 2021-04-07T19:44:14+00:00

Specifically about sharing/showing emotion, I (F) can understand you because I used to be the same.

Raised by asian parents, there were plenty of love and care, but little to no openess in emotion. Stoicism is encouraged and most problems are talked about after it was finished (for example, the entire house did not know that my dad had surgery done on him to remove a tumor. Only few hours after surgery he called us because he needed someone to drive him home.)

So when I got into relationship (even platonical friendship), it was always a struggle to balance between being open and being myself.

I am afraid with this one, the answer is just to share as much as you feel comfortable with and see if your partner can deal with that amount (be it more or less) vulnerability. I lucked out with my husband because he was raised simillary, and you might luck out that your partner does not mind it too.

Wrong is to force yourself to be someone you are not. If you are a naturally emotional person, don't feel pressured to be a stoic. If you were a stoic person, don't feel pressured to be so open, it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Otherwise_Ad2383 · 2021-04-07T20:15:54+00:00

Scientifically speaking and proven, Women do not want men who are overly emotional.

Twhrn women say they want men to be emotional they want men who are in charge and understand their emotions and use just what is needed of them to do what they are meant to do, move you to action.

This means you have to have a high level of emotional intelligence which is understanding what your emotions are and how much you need to function. Everyone is different.

Someone like me with BPD only needs a tiny drop of emotions to function. Anything else and I’d clear the room with how intensely emotions would be.

Vulnerability is understanding the most sacred and sensitive parts of yourself accepting them and being ok and willing to share them to connect deeper with others without being hindered by others view of it.

icedhumblepie · 2021-04-08T19:33:02+00:00

How you process your thoughts is something you can have control of, but it takes time to develop.

The first thing to do is learn mindfulness meditation, so you can observe your own thoughts from a distance.

This will lead you to the point where you will be able to

deny damaging thoughts
put away unhelpful thoughts for later
choose to examine and dismiss thought trains
choose to explore thought trains
claim thought trains that are congruent with your identity and values as your own

What is true will recur over time, and will not be ignorable, everything else is the fleeting chatter of the brain.

. Obviously, there's a spectrum, [of vulnerability]

No, I don't believe there is.

Vulnerability is highly quantised. You can choose exactly what, and how much you elect to be vulnerable with.

It is better to practice with small amount of safe things.

Bear in mind, true vulnerability always has a cost, for everyone involved, so one needs to manage the context in which it occurs, and pay the debts (or build up savings in advance).

It is difficult for men to be vulnerable in today's society. Even open minded women carry a lot of programming about the things that will be easy for them to accept as vulnerabilities in a man, and those which may cause problems.

This is not to say that one shouldn't be vulnerable, far from it. But it is advice that one needs to slowly build up one's knowledge of how vulnerability will fit into a relationship, and also to realise that it is often a slow dance that doesn't progress in a linear fashion.

Title	Vulnerability in relationships
Author	cahmel
Upvotes	5
Comments	13
Date	April 7, 2021 1:19 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/mm1wdo/vulnerability_in_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/vulnerability-in-relationships.764427 https://theredarchive.com/post/764427

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