Seriously, how do I demand more respect from my peers?

[deleted] · 2016-10-27T10:59:24+00:00

"I'm generally a nice guy." "they assume I'm a little bitch" - That's the problem right here

Lift more
Agree and amplify works with guys as well. Minor disrespect? Blow it up until it becomes funny
Be less of a nice guy. Value your time and give respect where earned

conotocaurius · 2016-10-27T10:59:21+00:00

Men respect the following 4 qualities:

strength
courage
honor
mastery

Everything else you mentioned is close to irrelevant if you aren't displaying these things.

As far as random people disrespecting you goes, gain some muscle. That is the easiest way to stop that.

[deleted] · 2016-10-27T17:39:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Leviticus59 · 2016-10-27T11:44:53+00:00

Stop worrying so much about what they're doing. Start worrying more about what you're doing; ie. excelling at your career, your hobbies, educating yourself, and lifting.

It's beta behavior to approval seek. Don't be an asshole, but don't give a fuck how you think they're acting.

improvingme63 · 2016-10-27T12:09:44+00:00

Remove people, who aren't worth shit, from your life. You don't need them.

If you have no choice but to see them every day, limit interactions. They aren't worth your time nor worry man. If they ask why you're being distant; brush it off and don't try to justify your actions to them. The only people you need to justify your actions to are yourself, clients and potential investors.

raisins3142 · 2016-10-27T16:45:46+00:00

People started respecting me more when I stopped trying to be an overly nice puppy dog type, gained a good bit muscle, got a crew cut and stopped worrying and about smiling and acknowledging strangers and such, didn't put up with blatant disrespect and gave the impression I wasn't afraid of conflict.

Most people will get off on treating someone poorly if they can get away with it. Make them think they can't.

Yashugan00 · 2016-10-27T11:18:12+00:00

Stop seeking it. Don't be thirsty for approval. Lead confidently, if your skill is genuine, men will follow

Don't be the clown, jokes are appeasement, a diffusion of social tension and a way of avoiding the aggression of others by being on the role of entertainer. Although it seems alpha (confidence, witty, dgaf) women and alphas see through it as beta. At worst you're the joke of the group, the jester who gets kicked by the king, at best you're the alpha sidekick; the Watson to Sherlock Holmes, the 'foil' that makes the alpha look awesome, the raconteur/bard who keeps the awesome stories of the alpha alive. E.g. Not the leader.

Don't be the stereotypical nerd, be the jacked nerd.

By all means be intelligent and smarter than your peers, but don't flaunt it in a way they can t ignore. That will make you a target of necessity. Especially in a closed system where ranking is important. (Like a school)

Let the dumb masses put you in their mental box they are comfortable with but merrily go your own way on your terms. You'll surprise them from time to time, but they'll hamster that away to save their own self esteem.

FrameWalker · 2016-10-27T13:43:05+00:00

Let's assume you don't live in a shithole - in some places everyone is disrespected. If strangers are disrespecting you, there is something about your body language (poor eye contact? slouching?) that encourages disrespect. When I wear a tucked in button up and dressier pants I am greeted with a hello sir, excuse me sir, etc. and I'm known for having a babyface.

As far as muscle goes if you're 6'0 aim for 190-200 lbs. For every inch above add 15 lbs, for every inch below subtract 10 lbs. So at 5'10 aim for 170 - 180 lbs lean at 10-12% bodyfat. https://bookofpook.neocities.org/#ch-19

That will take care of your sexual market value issues if you have any. As far as your social market value it's all about contributing strongly to the group. Providing good vibes, cool ideas, cool activities. Contributing strongly to society helps big time too.

eucalyptusleaves · 2016-10-27T15:33:29+00:00

Respect is earned, not given

go lift

Entropy-7 · 2016-10-27T16:32:11+00:00

Actions always speak louder than words. Don't talk. . .DO and people will give you respect. And if you are in a position to fuck with their shit, they won't dis you.

cesafacinaicesafaci · 2016-10-27T16:52:26+00:00

I guess rule #1 is to not demand respect if you want it. Second is to not give a shit if you are respected or not, don't keep tabs on this as even this attitude smells like weakness from a mile away.

dnxo · 2016-10-27T17:20:20+00:00

You have to fully respect yourself first, this will trickle down in the way you hand situations, your walk and your overall vibe.

can you an give example of how you were disrespected?

MeatCurtainRod · 2016-10-27T17:21:09+00:00

You earn it. Like others say, you can't be a nice guy and have respect. You can't be a little bitch and have respect. Plain and simple. Your time needs to be worth more. Catering to people's whims for their benefit will only lose yours.

SetConsumes · 2016-10-27T17:38:47+00:00

You can demand respect, and lose respect in the process.

Respect is earned, not demanded.

When someone shits on you, you can't simply take it, you must agree and amplify or find some other way to put them down while making yourself look good.

I presume you don't do this, and so you let them win the power exchange, which since you're being so nice to begin with you're already on the losing side of.

Unfortunately being nice and respectful always is not how you gain and keep status/power.

You must be okay with making people feel bad, being opinionated, hating what's worthy of hating to you, etc.

MattyAnon · 2016-10-27T18:21:25+00:00

Only the weak and the unworthy try to "demand respect".

What you do is BE WORTHY OF RESPECT, then just walk away from anyone who treats you badly.

People test you, but it requires your input to fail. Ignoring the test is a pass.

I always try to treat people with more respect t

Treat people with respect but DO NOT DEFER TO THEM.

. My problem is people wont hesitate to disrespect me.

Fight back with an instant vitriolic hurtful assault on them. Learn everyone's weakpoint ahead of time, then attack back instantly.

Then back off and laugh about it.

People detect that you need something from them. Which you do, you need their respect. Having worked this out, people then exploit your need by disrespecting you and showing that you'll prove their comments right (by getting upset, by caring). This makes them look and feel powerful.

Be worthy of respect IN YOUR OWN RIGHT, don't worry too much what others think.

People have said I look arrogant

This is a test. You should look ARROGANT AS FUCK.

wavepunkreddit · 2016-10-27T19:29:52+00:00

The problem here is that people of SMV higher than yours will disrespect you while people of SMV lower than yours will hate you. I don't think there's any way to get "nice" behavior from people, it exists only in movies probably. Interacting with people of equal SMV is not interesting either.

Dirkz · 2016-10-27T13:33:26+00:00

Few things in life piss me off more than people demanding respect. I thoroughly believe you have to earn respect. If you haven't earned respect then that's on you.

Also, make sure you're not failing the shit tests of life. A confident person who catches disrespect will roll with it or playfully dish it back out to his own amusement. A beta will take it personal, get offended and thus fail the shit test and receive little respect.

Phyzis · 2016-10-27T13:46:10+00:00

Have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy?

cashcow1 · 2016-10-27T14:53:59+00:00

There are a couple of ways to manage the social situation.

One is to directly confront it. I don't like this one, but it could be appropriate in a few situations.

Agree and amplify is my favorite. Laugh at the disrepect, and join in. Laugh like Hugh Hefner would laugh at someone calling him a fag.

Amused mastery is a related concept. You laugh as a sensai would laugh at a student attacking him, with full confidence that he could demolish this person.

slurmfactory · 2016-10-27T13:58:30+00:00

I would be more aggressive. I have a good example. I have always been second guessed in new social groups, and I have always come out with high social status and alpha status over time. I have had more trouble with my current band doing that, but I have made a strong upswing for a lot of reasons. Example: our bassist, is not a great bassist overall, but is always on time to practice, puts in lots of extra legwork like networking, promoting sometimes, talking to venues, gets us gigs, etc. He is also about 8-10 years older than the rest of us (we have a young 25 year old, then im 31, rest are 30, hes like 38 or so) gray hair, out of shape, wears a ridiculous top hat on stage, makes lame jokes and laughs really hard, and has this weird thing for me.

He basically was trying to get my approval aggressively since the beginning, then it turned to ball busting. Not sure why he picked me, but I have always been a heavy pot smoker (quit about 5 weeks ago and my IQ has gone up about 15 points I feel like) so I didn't usually have great comebacks to his over-the-top ballbusting (singing into microphone how im gay, saying stuff about my mom who hes never met, nothing personal just retarded jokes) so id just laugh at how retarded they were and move on. It was a joke, because hes gray, chubby, gets no girls, is generally a clown. I take care of myself, slay women, am a great drummer with tons of options in what bands to play with.

A few times he crossed the line, about twice, when he laughed and insulted my playing. I personally feel I am a better player than him (im on drums hes bass remember) so I texted him "you crossed the line, watch your jokes or were gonna have an issue" hed give me an appeasing statement "you got it man just joking :P" bullshit like that.

So I have real bad anxiety and was really stressed before a show for some dumb reason, and I take a nap, wake up and he had texted making fun of my playing. Saying my tempos were all over the place (which is a statement I resent, because my bandmates really have exacerbated that in many ways.) so everyone chimes in, including our ex-bassist who is still friends with us and was playing mandolin for a little bit before quitting to be his awful, awful girlfriend's cuck supporter. So they give me a nickname, and I just explode. I say "shut the fuck up you fucking faggot, you suck" to the bassist, and just tell them all to suck my dick. I was furious. Everyone realized that I actually had a limit to their faggy cunty bullshit. Only one of them could even hang with me in a fight, and im way better at my instrument than him, I know im the man, and i dont need any of their ego and disrespect. So the fact that they jump on me is more about personality. I also think the simple fact im sitting in the back behind drums while theyre all standing gives them an impression im smaller than I am, so I started standing up straight and using my physique to remind them that im not some meek dude behind the drums, thats not me at all and never has been.

Since I exploded, I've gotten 0 shit from bassist. He knows better. He made one attempt at a joke and I just glared at him with an eyebrow cocked like "you wanna do this" and he backed off. Things have changed since I fired back. It's the same way you deal with bullies. Punch them in the face. They will stop. It's the only way they learn. I basically asked him to stop and he said ok and kept going. Now he doesnt say shit.

Same with the ex bassist/ mandolin cuck. He is a really "nice" guy but then has to show off when were in a group, a few times at my expense. The day after he quit the band to be a pussy for his awful gf, he came down during practice, I asked if this one song our guitarist was playing was his, it was a rolling stones song or something, he goes "youre like 0 for 100 down here" out of nowhere. I got a couple of slightly stunned looks, like wtf is that? So I decided never to let him make a single joke at my expense again. I noticed he would show off for the other guys and I had it. So a week or two later we are watching tv with the band guys, and some shitty chick movie from the 90s comes on, and I had no idea what it was about. I wasnt paying attention. Someone famous was in it, I realize it and go "oh shit XXX is in this?" kinda absent mindedly. He thinks its time to rag on me "HAHAHAHAHA dude he was in it like 10 minutes ago omg ur retarded" or some bullshit, group begins to get a laugh in at my expense, and I immediately fire back hard. "HA sorry dude I dont watch this gay fucking chick movie from 1995" "Yeah you have dont lie" "no i fucking havent, im not a fucking girl, listen to you 'hahaha you dont know about (gay movie) wow and youre gonna rag on me for that? jesus christ" He shuts up and stops laughing and hasnt even tried to crack one on me since. I have several other examples where guys in social groups would randomly pick me out and attack me for their own benefit. In college this one douche would totally backstab me in front of girls, and I warned him to stop, he said "it makes you look good when you make other guys look bad in front of people" so i slapped the shit out of him.

*Long story short: when people try to rag on you for their own social game, hit back, and hit back HARD. Do not put up with it, don't agree and amplify. Fucking wreck them. Let them know, next time they think you are the butt of a joke they can expect HEAT back. *

In my bassist's case, I have like 4 things I have cocked ready to go if he insults me and I lose my temper. They are devastating and brutal so I am careful... I've held back to keep the band together several times, aided by weed-mellowness and foggy response time, but I'm over that. I'm honestly pretty much over my band as well, they are so sensitive about stuff they think they are experts on, but aren't. Our 25 year old can't even clap in time and he will give me shit but gets SO sensitive at the slightest hint of criticism. Same with ex-bassist/mando kid, hes such a nice guy (total hipster who believes in fairies and spells, and does mens groups and communication exercises on the reg, let his girlfriend shit all over our house when she moved in for 3 months til i put a stop to it, worst 3 months ever) until he gets the slightest criticism and then he snaps. Total faggots sometimes.

The "band leader" isnt the most talented, but he is very driven, and he and I almost fought a few times. He would probably win, but I never backed down. Im big, hes real big, but everytime I said Id fight him in a second before I would let him disrespect me. He apologized and told me how much he respected me for standing up to him, because he usually "steamrolls" people. I could go into more details about this, but he basically tried to put me down and place himself above me in alphaness and I shot that shit down. I said Id treat him as an equal but no more, and if he thought he would do anything other than that, I would leave, good luck finding a drummer as good as me. He is the type that if you make a slight jab at him, he will fire back HARD, so no one even tries anymore. This, I feel like, is a good solution. Dont ask, dont tell, show. Show these kids that if they mess with you they have a problem, so get your responses cocked and ready for next time they wanna diss you and shit on you and make themselves look good at your expense.

Niceness is often mistaken for weakness, so dont be nice to guys who dont deserve it or appreciate it. If they say some shit, say shit back 10x as bad. Be prepared to fight over it. If you dont think you can win the fight, hold a bottle in your hand and see if he still wants to fight.

TLDR: be ready with aggressive responses for next time someone tries to shit on you. Fire back HARD and they WILL think twice next time they see you as an easy target to boost them. Dont take any jokes at your expense.

crixusin · 2016-10-27T14:09:35+00:00

Respect is earned, not demanded.

Title	Seriously, how do I demand more respect from my peers?
Author	Smigg_e
Upvotes	14
Comments	33
Date	October 27, 2016 10:45 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/59nbei/seriously_how_do_i_demand_more_respect_from_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/seriously-how-do-i-demand-more-respect-from-my.76694 https://theredarchive.com/post/76694

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