Ok so I have been hanging out with a woman who is poly and into BDSM. She apparently has a "primary partner" but she has other relationships with guys she "plays" with. So far, everything has been fine. I made clear I had little experience in that world but that I was open and open minded. I am usually very clear about my boundaries and expectations, but our relationship has taken a very weird turn.

Here is the problem: we have hung out about 7 or 8 times now. The last 5 times we basically get naked and she teases me. She kisses me, she dry humps me, she rubs my dick, etc... But when I try to initiate penetration, she says she is "not ready."

On our last date, I finally got frustrated and basically said "can you please let me know when you will be ready? Is this ever going to happen?" I basically told her that I didn't want to pressure her into sex, but I also wanted some clarity as to where this was going. She said she enjoyed teasing me and would not be able to provide me the kind of certainty I wanted. She couldn't even tell me if it would be a matter of weeks or months or even years. I told her that was fine, but also that I might not want to continue this type of extended foreplay and that maybe we just weren't sexually compatible.

That's where it turned ugly. She started to cry and said "I wasn't wrong" but that she felt like a "freak" because she was into BDSM and I wasn't. She also tried to shame my sexual preferences and told me to "go back to your vanilla pussy girls." I told her I am open minded and I am happy to let her tease me to some degree but I need some certainty as to when we would have penetrative sex.

I ended up leaving and the next day she texted me saying she needed some time to "reflect" on what happened before we reconnected.

What did I wrong here? What did I do right? What should I do going forward? My normal philosophy is that I want to please the woman and let her take sex at her own pace. But in this situation I felt like her teasing was taking a manipulative turn and it almost felt like she was toying with me in some kind of dom-sub relationship, which is something we never discussed or agreed on (and also something I am not interested in). I know she has relationships with guys where she consensually humiliates them, degrades them, makes them clean her house, etc..., but that is something I made clear I was not interested in. I also think it is fair for me to assert my sexual autonomy and withdraw from sexual situations where I am not having my desires met.

Two other details:

During her crying, she said something to the effect of "I am worried that you will stop talking to me after we have sex." I tried to assure her that I really liked her, but apparently other guys have said that to her and lied. So I'm starting to think part of this teasing is a way of her keeping me around but not losing me.

Second detail: during these teasing sessions she would sometimes violently reject my advances by doing things like violently slapping my hand away and even kicking me in the chest at one point. After she kicked me in the chest I completely withdrew and she got mad at me for stopping. She told me that she liked "consensual rape" and that she would tell me if she was actually not into it. I told her that was fine but I needed to know beforehand that's what she wanted because I take consent really seriously and it looked to me like she didn't like it. We actually did end up doing a little "consensual rape" (with no penetration, of course) and she liked it but again, I wasn't clear where this would lead and I told her that I am not going to enjoy getting rejected over and over again. She also tried to make it like it sound like this type of sex was normal in the BDSM community, but I have a hard time believing that men are out here forcing themselves on women without some prior conversation about what is going to happen.

I think the answer might be that we are just sexually incompatible or that she is just interested in toying with me and not having a real, equal sexual relationship. I have no idea. Any thoughts?