Observations on Oneitis and Jungian Archetypes

Oneitis has always been a problem for me, as such I have done many deep dives on this message board in order to understand oneitis at a fundamental level. The deepest understanding I have come to, is the theory postulated in many posts on this board that oneitis spawns itself from a desire (whether conscious or subconscious) to make a woman a surrogate for one’s mother. Wanting a woman of your sexual desire to take on the caretaker role that is classically the role of the mother. While I generally accepted this idea as it made sense, I never really understood this on a experiential level until recently.

I have been reading the book “Prometheus Rising” by Robert Anton Wilson and while I have not as of yet finished the book, the material that I have read thus far offers some interesting viewpoints on the above theory. So far the book has covered many Freudian and Jungian aspects of human psychology. The most important takeaway is the archetype of the “Mother Goddess.” While there is no such thing as a Mother Goddess in our material world, it is an archetype that is something that exists in our psychology, and thus in our reality, beyond the shadow of a doubt. This archetype is personified by many different labels throughout every culture on earth: The Virgin Mary in Catholicism, Demeter in ancient Greek, the Egyptian goddess Isis, Ninhursaga in ancient Sumer. The archetype also appears in literature, movies, songs, and all types of media. An example that Robert Anton Wilson uses in the book “Prometheus Rising” is and excerpt from “David Copperfield:”

I went in with quiet, timid step. God knows how infantile the

memory may have been that was awakened in me at the sound

of my mother's voice in the old parlour when I set foot in the

hall. I think I must have laid in her arms and heard her singing

to me when I was but a baby. The strain was new to me but it

was so old that it filled my heart brimful like a friend come

back from a long absence.

I believed from the solitary and thoughtful way in which

my mother murmured her song that she was alone, and I went

softly into the room. She was sitting by the fire, suckling an

infant whose tiny hand she held against her neck. Her eyes

were looking down upon its face and she sat singing to it. I

was so far right that she had no other companion. I spoke to

her and she started and cried out. But seeing me she called me

her dear Davy, her own boy: and coming half way across the

room to meet me, kneeled down upon the ground and kissed

me, and laid my head down on her bosom near the little

creature that was nestling there, and put its hand up to my lips.

I wish I had died. I wish I had died then, with that feeling

in my heart. I should have been more fit for heaven than I have

ever been since.

Here we see the personification of the mother goddess archetype as that caretaker that men always wish to return to. Wilson postulates that our society swings back and forth between the mother archetype and the father archetype between periods of liberalism and conservatism.

Although this archetype does not exist in a material sense, as I said earlier it exists, as a common mechanism/symbol in all of our brains, as is made evident by its existence in psychology, literature, religion etc. I say mechanism because it serves a purpose, and performs many functions. I can’t pretend to know or understand all of these functions but I can only give you my experience as an example; and as insight into the mechanism of this archetype and the mechanism of oneitis.

After reading this portion of the book I found it interesting, but didn’t really see it’s application to my life as compared to other concepts in the book. However, that night I had a dream; I was a kid again, the dream was filled with the unmistakable sense of safety, and that there are no problems in life, the defining emotions of being young, which you don’t actually realize are the defining emotions of being young, until you lose them. And when you’re in your 30s like I am, these emotions are so far gone that experiencing them again for however brief a time lingers with you for a while. Also in this dream was a group of friends that I have never known in real life, but with whom I had solid unconditional friendships with, again something that only exists in youth. Another aspect of this dream was a girl (that I have never known in real life) but whom in the dream I had a “crush” on, whom only I could see and talk to. She would help me out with the main problem of the dream (my friends were disappearing) by speaking to me only, and by for lack of a better term, “buttering me up” by somehow indicating to me that my thoughts on the situation are correct, due my insight-fullness, something that my peers are lacking. The girl in the dream left me with the emotion that I am sure we are all familiar with when one has a dream about women from the past.

The next morning I sat on the toilet trying to remember every detail of the dream, for wanting to keep the feeling of safety and comfort that the dream had given me alive in my mind for as long as possible; until, I had an epiphany. The girl from the dream is the Mother Goddess that I had read about the night before. The feelings of comfort and safety, the idea of her stroking my ego and telling me things I want to hear, the idea of her being only for me, she is the template that I have tried to fit every woman that I ever had oneitis for into; and failed. She is the mother goddess archetype, the amalgamation of every women I ever loved.

Why can we not fit these oneitis woman into the templates of the Mother Goddess archetype? These archetypes are idealizations, as I said they don’t exist in the material world. No woman can fit into the template and exist solely for you, any more than Luke Skywalker, Robocop, and Aragon can exist in life solely to fight evil, or to fit into a woman’s hero archetype. No man can exist solely for a woman’s needs either. Real people, in real life are much more basic and flawed. Wilson goes on to show us a grid of 4 boxes that normal people fit into. He makes it clear that every single person, no matter how they try to live up to these idealizations fits into one of these categories without fail: Friendly strength, hostile strength, hostile weakness, and friendly weakness. Women just want to win the lotto and drive a nice car like anyone else, they do not conform to your mythological representation.

I take the youthful aspect of the dream to show just how long I have been trying to shove women into this archetype. It literally goes back to being a kid, and your first crush. That feeling of infatuation you get with a new prospect, is something that is an idealization and will always be out of reach.

I hope the above example can show that the Mother Goddess archetype is a mechanism/symbol that serves a purpose in our psyche. I don’t fully understand it’s purpose or function, but I suspect it has to do with striving for some idealized future, seeking out certain traits in people, meeting basic human psychological needs, and perhaps as a means of communicating abstract concepts. The problem arises when you expect these ideals from real women. Real women are “regular joes.” They are flawed and have real world desires. The idea of living to be your caretaker only, is unattractive to women, just as the idea of being the hero archetype and living solely to be the self sacrificing object of women’s desires is an unattractive prospect (despite what some may think).