Me, 34F, and my boyfriend, 37M, are having a difficult patch in our 3 year relationship. I have other children from prior relationships that he's not particularly fond of. We have a child together, 1 year old. Since she was born, I've been trying everything to get him to step up and help me out more with childcare and housework.

We split bills 2/3 and 1/3, since I have other children and we need a bigger place. I've never asked him to help with anything with the older kids, but I desperately wanted his help with an incredibly difficult, clingy, and emotionally exhausting baby. Through all this, I also tried to be kind, present, and maintain our sex life, though I could have done better I'm sure. It seemed that everything I asked fell on deaf ears. We tried relationship counseling and the counselor basically said I wasn't clear enough in my asking - but blatantly asking led to him guilt tripping me over it.

I grew up in a conservative christian culture, so a month or so ago I decided to snap back to my upbringing and just do everything I can to make his life better. No more asking for help, joyfully showing up for sex every time he initiates, listening to whatever he wants to talk about and keeping my thoughts to myself, joyfully doing all housework but being incredibly grateful if he steps in and does something for me. I work from home part time and do full time school, so I'm busy, but I have been trying my best to make time for just him every night.

The problem is I just feel so crushed. Why have a partner at all if this is the way things are going to be? I'm glad we're not fighting anymore, but I'm reading "The Surrendered Wife" and she keeps talking about how I should be wanting more intimacy - I don't! My greatest wish right now is just to be left alone. I'm thinking of quitting school for now as I know he hates that I'm trying to do that and care for our baby, but where will that leave me when the kids are more grown and it's time to move on from this relationship?

Basically - how do you ladies do this? Where am I supposed to be finding my happiness and fulfillment?