When did you know?

cliffy348801 · 2021-02-20T04:41:32+00:00

two divorces:

the kids' mom swapped birth control pills for fertility pills. I didn't know. We weren't even married two years. Once I started a higher paying job to pay for multiple children(fertility pills worked!), she immediately filed for divorce to claim that sweet new income. Years of custody battles.... I still financially haven't recovered- 401k and savings weren't funded during my 20's/30's due to massive child support. I contemplated killing myself many times. She remarried and didn't have to work. Two houses, three cars, a boat, and a motorcycle yet I was often back in court to provide more child support? At my lower paying job when we were married (1990's), I was bringing home 1200/month right out of college. My new job doubled that- so she claimed $950/month in child support and my apartment in the new city was 1200. Good luck with utilities, food, and travel to see the kids buddy. I hate her.
the second one... i am in digital forensics. she planned the divorce before we got married, with a 8 year mark to get nasty and trigger a breakup going into year 9, with that 10 year mark hitting the golden lifetime alimony in my state. Lucky for me that I decided to image my admin workstation at home as preparation for a mac forensic exam, well before the 8 year mark. I was stunned to find she, as my paid admin and bookkeeper, had been planning a divorce before the wedding, embezzling huge amounts of money, buying and selling drugs, and then... tons of affairs. She was trying to get pregnant by several guys and she was trying to pin the future kid on me. Luckily, her personality was birth control itself and we hadn't had sex in years. Thanks to this sub, I now know about the light switch phenomenon and that's explained so much... she even wrote to her attorney that 'he made me go on that trip because he didn't trust me home alone.' that trip? our honeymoon to hawaii. Yes, I am so abusive that I made her go on our honeymoon.... go ahead and block/ban me.

I kept the house and didn't have to pay alimony. Downside is that even though I found evidence of fraud and embezzlement, the judge said 'i am here to settle a civil matter, not a criminal matter. no DA in this county will prosecute a wife during a divorce. just pay the bills and be done with it.'

All total, she got away with embezzling $600k and maxed out four credit cards for approx $70k. Once those are paid off, I'm free and clear.

What did I fix? I picked up a Certified Fraud Examiner title after wading through her mess... spoke at multiple hacker conferences on how to assist domestic abuse victims with infosec/fraud issues..have a higher paying job and i don't have to see her piggly ass.

My MGTOW radar is high: I dated a great foreign girl BUT she is living off of alimony/child support. If we got serious, she'd lose most of that income and this guy would be on the hook. Nope. I don't need another dependapotomus.

grey-spyder · 2021-02-20T04:20:09+00:00

After crying like a bitch for 5 months I began moving out of the shit storm. When I looked at a photo of my X monster 👹 and thought "WOW YOUR FUGLY". Thank you Lord this too shall pass!

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2021-02-20T04:01:20+00:00

I am in the minority of men who filed for divorce, so the question really requires a two part answer.

It took a lot of shit before I got to that breaking point, though. It was an easy decision once I knew my ex wife would never be loyal. The divorce itself was uncontested and took about 6 months.

Getting past it took me until I got out of the shithole I was living in and into a house that was not a shanty. Once I had a decent place, a lot of the anger dropped off the radar. I am looking forward to the end of child support, which is at least 10 years away.

Maelandrew · 2021-02-20T04:51:04+00:00

I know you are asking about getting over it emotionally, but I'm going to zag instead of zigging.

I wasn't able to get over it until I had surgery to repair the damage to my knee and completed the subsequent physical therapy. Emotionally I was over her before I hit the ground.

Funnily enough I now date with a Zero Tolerance policy. I am very clear on that from the beginning and consistent throughout the relationship. I've found most women, on average, can behave themselves for about eight months or so.

OwenWentFullMGTOW · 2021-02-20T06:29:40+00:00

I had a pretty nasty breakup when I was 20. To be fair, I wasn't my best self. It was a bad time for me and I could see where she had a right to dump me. However, she did not have the right to cheat on me during Spring Break. I hadn't done anything to deserve that. Spent the following summer in a beer can.

A few years later, I started up with someone new, a free spirit type. We got along great, I was nothing but a quality man and a good catch. I was on far better behavior with this new girl than I was with my ex. But she (probably) cheated on me and dumped me anyway.

A few years later, I started up with someone new, a seemingly more trad girl. We got along great but I could tell she was holding back. I was a good quality man but she wasn't committing to me. Eventually, she came clean. She wanted to be a stay at home wife (wife, not mother) and she wanted to marry a rich man who would "take care of her financially". I did pretty well financially and probably could've supported her. But I wasn't rich enough for her tastes.

After I broke up with that final one, I took stock of my situation. I'd been cheated on for sure by one girl who was working her way toward a mediocre career, probably cheated on by a free spirited girl with no career prospects whatsoever and then rejected by a girl who wanted to sit on her ass for the rest of her life under the auspices of being a trad girl.

None of those women substantially improved my quality of life, they all dragged me down in one way or another and none of them are what you'd call amazing catches. If that's what all women are like then I decided to only date someone truly gorgeous.

Not long later, I briefly dated a Perfect 10. She was absolutely beautiful. Literally anybody would agree with that. I'm probably a 6 or maybe a 7 and I received envious looks from hotter, richer guys when they saw me with Ms. Perfect 10 in public while they were with their Solid 6 girl.

Sounds perfect, right? No, not rly. Ms. Perfect 10 was amazing to look at but she had a pretty rotten personality. Always had some critical remark about someone or something. She and I had a good dynamic, we got along very well, she only ever complimented me (to my face anyway) even tho I took her on cheap dates but I didn't want to spend my whole life with someone so negative. So I broke up with her.

Unicorns do not exist, the juice is not worth the squeeze in at least 99% of cases and the single life offers many tangible, practical benefits.

cleats4u · 2021-02-20T15:27:05+00:00

I've been broken twice. The first one fucked my best friend. The second one my arch rival. Both times, total humiliation that took a couple years to get over. After that I kind of became heartless. I had no problem kicking them to the curb the minute I spotted some shit I didn't like. As far as cheating...they all cheat. They can at least fucking behave in my presence. I got a vasectomy so I wasn't going to ever give one a 9 lb annuity. By the time I hit 50 my sex drive fell off about 75%. I didn't care if I got laid or not. Monk mode was no problem. That is when my life really became peaceful and stress free. I truly believe women and their shit cause high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attacks and strokes.

guggyub · 2021-02-20T03:57:30+00:00

The most painful one took about two years, she cheated on me with her ex and at the time I had no clue about mgtow or any similar philosophy.

Since then the changes I’ve made have been pretty much self improvement, I’ve found a better paying job that I enjoy a whole lot more, started working out more because ultimately if you look good then you feel good, I’ve invested more time into my hobbies (time that used to be spent with my ex) I still casually date but never really commit but I’ve also become much more stricter with my standards so no party girls, single moms, emotional girls.

When I reflect back I’m happy it happened, it gave me the kick I needed to get my shit together, I realised I was a pretty shit geezer back then so it genuinely was for the best.

Any of you brothers out there going through some shit right now, the whole community is here for you and take it from me it always works out for the best

jvanzandd · 2021-02-20T04:31:16+00:00

When she refused to come home it was over. I found another who loves and respects me, I’m way happier now

2021-02-20T03:51:32+00:00

It’s been difficult with the last one because I live in a small town and I still see her stupid car. It took me about a year to get over that one and it took longer this time because I went monk mode (coming up ion 2 years this time)

ChainsawJones1984 · 2021-02-20T16:13:51+00:00

For me, I had to learn twice. I had a bad breakup with a girl I dated at the end of high school. We were together seven years, and we were always at each other's side. Most said we acted like a married couple. She went off the grad school in a different town, and all changed. And then the email about how we just need to be friends...

Then I married a girl a few years later. Her father said she would never divorce me, and how she had good family values, as I was hesitant to ask her hand. Seven year later, she started to get mad at me, and then she didn't come home for three days. She said we couldn't work it out. Three months later we were divorced. And that was a story on its own. Long story short, I kept the kids. I did the expensive thing and hired a law firm and did what seemed unnatural at the time. My sister-in-law was the one who recommended it. I wanted to play fair, but you can't do that. You need all the forces of evil on your side, which will be expensive, but worth it.

I was told like this, you can spend $20k now, or $400,000 in the monthly payment plan. Now it did hurt to come up with the money. None made sense at the time. But it is true.

DoctorMars81 · 2021-02-20T04:19:22+00:00

For me, I never truly got over it 100%. It's just that every day it got a tiny bit easier until it no longer bothers me in everyday life. One thing that certainly helps is removing anything from around you that reminds you of the person, so I recommend that if you can do it.

daproest1 · 2021-02-20T04:21:31+00:00

Idk still going thru it over 2 years later. Completely lost. I grew up w the bitch. I got another one but meh.

Algo2Pete · 2021-02-20T04:30:53+00:00

My ex-gf sent me to hell after the second breakup. It was a bitch for the initial 4 plus months. Slowly I found something that I like to do. As each day passes by, I think of her less and less. After a month or so, she was just a past in my life. I can say that chapter is sealed without a kiss.

justlikechilloutman · 2021-02-20T07:03:44+00:00

i heard a group of rich girls talking when we were all in 10th grade "i'll only date a guy if his father is a doctor or like a lawyer"

treymills330 · 2021-02-20T08:09:01+00:00

I figured it out as soon as i started remembering things that i liked to do and things that made me ME. Literally began to enjoy life and what u do despite the shaming language they use against us

566938 · 2021-02-20T15:47:28+00:00

When I signed the divorce papers.

ekudram · 2021-02-20T19:19:15+00:00

When I bought myself shoes and did not feel guilty about it.

Came to the realization how much of a manipulative bitch the person I married was.

The kicker, $12 shoes.

tonesbrown1976 · 2021-02-22T21:16:20+00:00

For me it was when I felt a little pang of guilt over not thinking about my hex wife (not a typo) as much as I used to. So if she's nothing but a fleeting thought your pretty much over it

Title	When did you know?
Author	use2losing
Upvotes	1
Comments	29
Date	February 20, 2021 3:46 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/lnyf58/when_did_you_know/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/when-did-you-know.802030 https://theredarchive.com/post/802030

Comments