I was served divorce papers January 7th. I have an attorney.

We were together for 19 years. We have two children. 10 year old girl and 8 year old boy. The downhill slide all started on July 3rd, 2014. My daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. I am not the strong stoic type. I did not deal with my child having a terminal illness well. I turned a bit too much towards alcohol and xanax. My temper got short as well. All got well, though ... until November 13th, 2018. My little girl relapsed and so did I. My little girl endured more chemo and this time they turned it up a few notches. I watched her almost pass away twice. Pale, bald and hurting in an ICU bed was too much for me. One thing has led to another and I wound up with a DUI. This was the last straw for the wife. In one day I was homeless, unemployed (worked for my father in law), and had no assets (all frozen and/or she cleaned out the accounts prior to having me served). We had just finished building our dream home a year ago. Now I feel like a stranger in it.

By the Grace of God I found a job in the same medium sized town as my children. I am in an apartment and have a truck. I attend 2 AA meetings a day if I can. Always get the evening one in, no matter what. I am serious about my sobriety.

My wife seems more like she enjoys seeing me hurting more than anything. She puts up pictures on facebook of my daughter with cancer to portray herself as the poor single mom with a cancer kid, and the loser husband is not around. Gentlemen, I would give ANYTHING to be back with my family. I see my kids twice during the week and all day Sunday. I live for my time with them. My wife seems to be liking the feedback she gets from her facebook posse that she is some strong, independent woman for sending me packing. She knows that removing me from the kids lives as much as she has was going to KILL me, and it is doing just that. I am sick every morning I wake up in my apartment and can't make the kids breakfast. I am sick every Saturday knowing they are wanting me to be there to ride bikes, jump on the trampoline, play video games, go swimming, etc. Those kids were my LIFE. If it weren't for my kids I would be suicidal. I have had the thoughts, but I could never do that to them.

What about the man who admits his faults? What about the man who wants to work this out? What about Christian forgiveness? What about our vows? What about what is best for the kids? I try to leave her alone and portray that I am OK, but I can't. I want our home and family to be restored. I pray for that literally around the clock. I am making the mistake of trying to get her to reconcile and re-think this horrible situation. Everyone tells me to leave her alone and stop pursuing her. Is that right???

Look guys, I know I shouldn't have been drinking and using. I stand corrected and admit my faults in all of this. I just wish I had a chance to make it right, and she seems dead set making me pay for this for the rest of my life.

Have you ever seen a situation like this turn around, or should I get used to my shit sandwich here?