Best ways to support a friend going thru divorce

Udjebfk · 2020-03-05T19:13:54+00:00

Don't try to get him to "get over it" or "snap out of it". Listen if he needs to talk and let him know you are there to listen but try not to bring it up. Validate his feelings. Give him a hug. Oxytocin helps. Don't make him drink. Just being there and caring will help. But the healing process is long and hard. Kudos for being a good friend.

Gch05 · 2020-03-05T19:55:55+00:00

Don’t tell him to let you know if you can do anything. Just call him and tell him you want to get together with him. He may not want to feel like a burden. When you do get together, ask questions and listen, but talk about other positive stuff too and gauge his mood to see what he feels like discussing at any random time.

Some of my friends send random “thinking about you, how are you doing” texts that are small but mean the world

pick2greens · 2020-03-05T20:36:50+00:00

A simple text is 100 fine. “Got time to catch up later” Or, bust his balls. “Hey big sexy. Whatcha wearing?” “I was going to call you but then I realized I hated your voice.” “Just heard that all men with small dicks will be taken out and shot. I can hide you in my basement, but I won’t lie for you when they come.”

pick2greens · 2020-03-05T20:30:53+00:00

My advice, be as you always were with him. He won’t want to be handled with kid gloves. However, acknowledge what is going on in his life and remind him how much you love him and are there for him. Check in a few times a week to say hi, text is fine.

ViscidPlague78 · 2020-03-05T21:12:41+00:00

Gone through this with a good friend over a decade ago. Going through it now with another, who shocked me with what's going down with his wife. Never ever saw it coming. But one never knows what happens in other people's homes.

We use a secure messenger app so nothing shared can be subject to discovery as it all disappears shortly. But I'm also headed this route so it's been cathartic for me to continually message someone in the same boat. It's almost as if it's given me permission to move forward with some things.

_Watch_Me_Jumpstart_ · 2020-03-06T06:23:41+00:00

Friends and family like you got me through the process. I’m 15 months into it and officially divorced for almost a month. Getting what was in my head out into the world, sharing it with someone I know cares, was...everything.

My best friend lives across the country but would hit me up with texts every few days. “Yo! Just checkin’ in. How ya doin’?” Phone calls where he’d ask a few questions just to reassure me that it was cool to barf out all my emotions. An hour would pass (sometimes two on the really rough times) and he’d just listen, ask questions, say something supportive. He didn’t need to do much. He just consistently showed he was there.

I will say, I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone, so I really didn’t seek out people to talk to. Fortunately, my friends and family (shit, even her friends and family) reached out to me, making it so much easier and reassuring and, really, meaningful. Like, wow, these people really give a shit and care about me. So, reach out as often as you can.

These people hold a place in my heart forever and they set an example of what I will absolutely be if (but probably when) someone I care for has to go through this experience we call divorce.

Just my experience. All the best to you and your friend and to anyone who is reading this. ❤️

MNCPA · 2020-03-06T02:32:26+00:00

Just spend time with him. No need to force talk. Just be there.

My brother was 'there' for me. Didn't say much, just was there. It meant a lot.

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-03-06T14:26:02+00:00

Divorce creates isolation for men. The best thing you can do is let him know you're there if he wants to discuss it. When I went through divorce, it's what my best friend did for me and it was tremendously helpful to keep my sanity.

NO_PRND · 2020-03-08T05:59:41+00:00

Just talked to him. People don't realize how much men need conversation especially during dark times in their life.

vector5633 · 2020-03-09T20:17:06+00:00

As someone that is going thru the process, but really not too sad about it. But dealing with other issues that involves my two young daughters. My STBXW is a full blown narcissistis. Here's what I can tell you...

Tell him you are there to listen to him. He will need to vent and at times may sound like a broken record. Just listen to him.

Don't tell him to get over it! That will not work and it will make things worse. Just listen to him.

Invite him out to places. Sometimes the dark thoughts will get the best of us when we're alone. Suicide rates for men are skyrocketing due to situations like this. Be there for him and check in on him.

Time will heal the heart, but it will take time. Try to get him back into hobbies he used to have.

Look for local divorce support groups. I joined one a d it's has been awesome! You get hope and you will realize you're not alone. There are other people dealing with this.

Be there for him and please always make him feel wanted. You don't know what he is thinking. Don't let the darkest thoughts take over him.

Stay strong for him...you have no idea how much you will be able to save him.

sdunn2018 · 2020-03-11T11:05:23+00:00

Just to be as empathetic as possible. I am divorced now for 1.5 years. And I very much resent people saying how I need to move on already or she gave you a gift or get out there are lots of women. We all heal at our own pace. Some of us just not heal very fast. Be an active listener.

Title	Best ways to support a friend going thru divorce
Author	gadotslatibule
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	March 5, 2020 6:41 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/fdzt1a/best_ways_to_support_a_friend_going_thru_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/best-ways-to-support-a-friend-going-thru-divorce.818477 https://theredarchive.com/post/818477

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