I’m (36M) feeling that it may finally be time to divorce my (36F) wife. I’m pretty depressed by this but feel that there can be no future for us. She blames me for all of her unhappiness and lack of success.

We’ve been together for 17 years and married for 5 now. Before marriage, we definitely had our ups and downs, but worked through them all. After marriage, it’s been a slow, downhill, roll. Each year is worse than the previous one.

She’s been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, depression, and ADHD. God knows from what since I’ve known her most of her adult life. I truly believe she’s something closer to bipolar, but she won’t even consider that. She won’t work either.

She tells her family that I am the reason that she doesn’t have a job or any calling in life. When I ask her to give me examples, she just generalizes, screams, and tells me that I’m a master manipulator. Can’t give me any examples. I’ve noticed that the more successful I’ve become, the more insecure she’s become. I went from being an intern to being the Manager of Engineering making well into the 6 figures...She is a stay at home wife with no kids and makes zero.

There is zero sex and zero affection from her. When I finally got the courage to say something, she just gaslighted me.

Whenever I try to talk to her about our dying marriage, she gets incredibly hostile. I’ve suggested counseling, and for her to pick someone, but she refuses.

I know it seems easy to suggest that she just needs to find her calling, but the problem here is that she blames me for being in the way of it.

I’m 36 and want a family. I am afraid that if I keep doing the same old thing (taking the blame for who knows what) that I’ll get too old for a family with someone else. I just know that my life partner can’t be a this.