Don’t end up like me

4agreements · 2019-12-04T23:24:18+00:00

Control what you can. And get a therapist. A person to talk to that can unravel the knot that’s pulling you down. I get, I’ve been there. It’s dark, lonely and you get sick of yourself.

Sell the house? Get some rent money by renting out a room in your house? You can go to the bank and tell them where you are financially, and most will work with you to get things lowered until the spousal support ends. They don’t want a foreclosed house. Life is not linear. It’s up down, backwards and through.

Asking for help means you’re smart and strong. We are just humans trying to get through. I believe in you.

wirescraper · 2019-12-05T07:06:00+00:00

Got married with a 10 years younger woman than me, I was 31. Went to France for our flash wedding (required for her citizenship). 10k went there. Got back and lost my job a month after. Spent 70h/week finding something just a tad more than acceptable. Before my ex-wife got crazy, from me not giving her attention I got hired for a dream job up north, with relocation pay. It was a young fast-growing consulting company in their power-trip, plugging anybody everywhere and rounding corners. They gave me 10days to move including finding a new spot. I agreed to please my new employer. I had to drive, get a hotel to find for appartments, paint my old place, etc. I loaded my stuff alone while my ex-wife was arguing about the cimetry of the placing, got a flat on the road, arrived late, slept on the floor. Started day 1 with paint in my hair. During the travel and early days, the employer handed me to the rudest of their employeee, that didn't knew shit about my hire context. They really treated me life unimportant garbage. Huge disrespect Arrived on my mandate, thrice too hard for any junior to handle (cloud migration of over 52 different computer systems). I was giving it all I got just to stay afloat and not lose that Job I needed. I arrived burnt out at night, completely still connected and worrying to make it the next day. My ex-wife was pressuring and pressuring on me for attention. I had no time for myself. Distress at work, distress at work, I stopped sleeping altogether. My ex-wife called the ambulance cause I was saying scary thing. Two say after I called the ambulance for here cause she took some rack of pills. I just had time yo came back that she left for France, spending 1300$ of the money we don't have I, leaving me with all the debt and throwing down the shitter the 1400$ citizenship process we started. I've have been left to rot in our new appartment with the most intense depression I ever had. Super ultra hardcore. You know, when you just don't care dying because it hurts too much. Moral of the story is that sometimes you can get stuck in a tornado of a situation that gives no control where's its going. You're just dragged in the current, to a point where things can get too late at it fucks you up. I never reconcilled with my ex-wife. This was our tragedic short story. I really tried to comfort and spend the little time I got with her, with no avail. Her age and little level of life experience couldn't handle the stress of the situation.

bslichy · 2019-12-04T23:05:04+00:00

You can get this back. It is sobering to feel on the edge of losing it all. It sounds like you are getting a solid reassessment of what matters, and that is a huge start. Best of luck in this, and know you can rebuild yourself.

TheInsulator · 2019-12-04T23:37:36+00:00

Yeah I took out a personal loan to get my private pilots license and flew to London and Alaska for vacations last year. I lost my mind that first year after the divorce. I’m alright now though. Still have my bad days

Edit: I flew commercial. That’d be insanely expensive and dangerous to do that in an old Cessna lol

principledbeast1 · 2019-12-05T18:50:59+00:00

this is exactly why I'm never getting married again or getting into a relationship that doesn't meet all my demands. Even the "good" ones try to demand too much of me. Between my high stress/pressure job, child support, and the time I spend with my kids, hell if I am adding anyone else to the burden I already carry.

ABrownLamp · 2019-12-04T22:39:59+00:00

$2000/mortgage + $1500 spousal support? Bro that's like a 50k salary on just that, and you're an electrician?

A25S52A · 2019-12-05T00:09:26+00:00

Thanks for the words. This has been a good place for me. Hard times suck

croyab · 2019-12-05T03:14:19+00:00

I can easily see how even a high earner could end up streched monetarily in this manner, and may be facing that myself. One thing about divorce is you get a lot poorer, even without spousal support. I would totaly screwed if I had to pay spousal support. I am a high earner myself and if I were to buy an entry-level condo I am spending a pay check a month on housing alone. This in my mid-50s when I am at peak earnings. This is after maxing my 401(k) and tax withholdng but still. In my industry getting laid off is common and that starts to look really ugly when you have that kind of cash outflow. I am debating moving to a more affordable area and just down shifting to a normal job outside of high tech. Anything with medical insurance.

LipBalmm · 2019-12-28T08:47:07+00:00

Are you doing any better?

Title	Don’t end up like me
Author	wirescraper
Upvotes	69
Comments	16
Date	December 4, 2019 10:27 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/e675m1/dont_end_up_like_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dont-end-up-like-me.818960 https://theredarchive.com/post/818960

Comments