Girlfriend talking to ex on a semi regular basis and kept me in the dark about it. What to do?

jttjt · 2017-02-06T04:22:20+00:00

I intend to confront her today again and plain state that she is not to talk to her ex at all.

Change of plans: You're gonna read the fucking sidebar and learn about why mate guarding doesn't work and your plan is completely terrible.

she told me it was a friend

lying about her ex calling her is already enough to warrant a next, but let's not stop there

yesterday we were in a theater and she got a call again and talked for a minute

She respects you SO LITTLE that she talks to her boyfriend on the phone right in front of you. In a theater. Just let that sink in.

she told me that he has been calling her on a semi regular basis, that he had called her day before as well, and they just exchange pleasantries for 2-3 minutes and hang up.

Trickle truth. It's worse than she admits.

(Although i dont believe it is on a semi regular basis)

You're right - forget the semi, it's surely on a very regular basis.

I told her to never lie to me or consider me a moron

She was already convinced she could lie to you and consider you a moron, which is why she lied to you and considered you a moron. Now that you're so desperate you had to tell her not to lie to you and consider you a moron, she is even more convinced that you're a moron.

So. What do you do now? I would say withdraw your attention from her, soft next her for a week perhaps - but it's clearly too far gone for that. She has no respect for you. If you respect yourself, you will next her ass

Auvergnat · 2017-02-06T04:41:18+00:00

Do you understand the dynamics happening under your nose?

She is enjoying the validation of an exBF pinning for her.

She knows no boyfriend would like this, so she is knowingly hurting you just because she benefits it. This is extremely disrespectful

Yet she does it. Why? Because she currently feels she can get away with it. She feels you are invested enough in that relationship that she can do something disrespectful and hurting, and that you won't walk away.

The only solution at this stage is to show disinvestment. You need to spend time away from her and start flirting with other girls.

There is a time for setting boundaries, but that's way before transgressions happen. If you confront her now, whatever you say she will spin to make you the bad guy in her mind (typically, calling you insecure/controlling) and she will perceive you as weaker for mate guarding. Whatever self-control / composure you keep, she will not accept responsibility, and she will not change her behaviour.

Again, transgressions call for disinvestment, NOT statement of boundaries. If you were a state and another country invades your borders, it's not the time to say "hey, by the way, my borders were there".

I've been in your position. GF would hang out with exes, saying she thought there's nothing wrong about it and nothing was going to "happen". I had discovered the red pill a couple months prior, but it was too soon after my unplugging so my red pill knowledge was not good enough yet. I believed that "staying stoic", and expressing my "boundaries" firmly would be "keeping frame". It didn't work. She didn't change. She starting seeing me as insecure. A month later, something "happened" with an ex after an evening hanging out with him and drinking wine. She started trickle-truthing it to me a couple days later on her own, just because she didn't like feeling guilty; the mark that she truly believed I was invested in this relationship. To her surprise, and thanks to redpill knowledge, I dropped her on the spot. Didn't even want to hear the rest of the trickle truth. I just told her we were done and to get out of here because I had some work to finish. I had finally showed disinvestment, but all in one big dump. She tried to get back with me. I took her back as a FWB. For a year after that, she'd apologized repeatedly, fuck me silly, and stopped hanging out with exes.

Disinvestment is the answer you need.

BullshittingNonsense · 2017-02-06T07:48:17+00:00

Next her for talking in a movie theater. What are we? Barbarians?

dRePe_Thill · 2017-02-06T04:17:44+00:00

TLDR: Harsh analysis, but you are acting very beta and her chad is talking to her again. Be stoic. Next her 2-3 days and find new POON

"Upon coming home I confronted her about this", "I intend to confront her today again" and the you give give her an ultimatum? -> "plain state that she is not to talk to her ex at all."

Noob level 9000.

This shows a lot of neediness, emotional instability and lack of abundance, you can not control desire. Her reason of leaving her EX is just fluff and I believe she is preparing to branch swing.

It sounds like this other dude has a higher SMV value and you reinforce that with your dramatic confrontations.

Her answering the phone to an EXbf is very disrespectful and you should've left her upon discovering this information and said NOTHING. Then it sends a message that you are the BOSS and you have options.

My recommendation, is radio silence for 2-3 day and start looking for other chicks, this one is likely going to leave for the alpha who has returned.

topapito · 2017-02-06T05:45:11+00:00

I intend to confront her today again and plain state that she is not to talk to her ex at all.

Yeah, this works in your favor like a bullet to your head. WALK. Nothing gets the message across better than ignoring, stoicism, not giving a shit.

She isn't now, and will never be LTR material.

She had also told me earlier that she had broken up with him only because he didn't use to regularly call her

The problem with a lot of people here is that they listen to women and make every attempt to believe her thinking that women speak logically and truthfully to men. They may speak logically and truthfully to some people, but never to their SO, NEVER. When a woman talks to me, all I hear is Blah, blah, blah, blah I was this, and then she said blah, blah, blah. Let me fix that phrase about why she left her boyfriend for you.

She had also told me earlier that she ~~had broken up with him only because he didn't use to regularly call her~~ blah blah blah is a tough girl, blah blah blah, you better be careful blah blah blah. The elephant was in the shower with a bar of blue soap and he was washing the ant's back and then the tiger... )Y^(^{RTI%E&D&%EE&&(E.}

THE FUCKING GUY LEFT HER FFS!

IT'S ALL WHITE FUCKING NOISE! Do yourself a huge favor and walk dude. Always gauge their actions, never, ever their words.

Lupo3825 · 2017-02-06T07:45:08+00:00

Work on your abs, since your about to be single.

failingtheturingtest · 2017-02-06T04:28:46+00:00

Can u guys help?

Just prepare yourself to walk away. You should be cutting contact and looking for new sheilas. If she initiates, sure, don't burn your bridges while it's still available, but you need to be on your way out the door. Even if you want to salvage this (you shouldn't), this is also the only way to get to realize that she doesn't want you to leave and you are willing to do so.

notmyusualreddit · 2017-02-06T04:38:22+00:00

You may want to read a post of mine from a year or two ago to find out how this will most likely end:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3skry7/redditors_who_have_given_their_sos_another_chance/cwyi84x/

Mildly_Sociopathic · 2017-02-06T19:48:27+00:00

he didn't use to regularly call her and ignored her

No wonder she still has the hots for him.

Platos_slow_brother · 2017-02-06T04:19:35+00:00

I intend to confront her today again and plain state that she is not to talk to her ex at all.

Wrong move. Instead, observe and assess. Watch her over the next few weeks and see if she is LTR material.

Don't mate guard and chimp at her that she cannot do this or that. A woman worth having knows how to not put her LTR at risk. If she is putting it at risk, it is because she doesn't care.

raisins3142 · 2017-02-06T18:40:16+00:00

She can do whatever she wants so long as she is truthful.....do you really mean this?

It's sad because if you wait for a truthful loyal woman to be in a LTR with you will wait forever. (most likely in this environment)

If you question her you'll never be sure you are getting the truth about frequency, why she didn't shut this down, etc.

I think the conversation was short only because you were there.

Who calls an ex just to say hi for 2 minutes on a regular basis?

recon_johnny · 2017-02-06T05:13:16+00:00

This is a joke account.

One post in 3 months.

BusterVadge · 2017-02-06T14:26:54+00:00

Upon asking who she was talking to, she told me it was a friend and then proceeded to get all touchy feely with me and making out and whatnot.

That's a distraction method that women use when they're busted on their bullshit. Looks like it worked on you.

My opinion is that it's way worse than what she says it is, she already lied to you, which is a next-able offense.

the-bum-hammer · 2017-02-06T15:59:15+00:00

Girlfriend talking to ex on a semi regular basis and kept me in the dark about it. What to do?

The fact that you still refer to her as your girlfriend says a lot.

So my current gf received a phone call day before yesterday and talked for 2-3 minutes. Upon asking who she was talking to, she told me it was a friend and then proceeded to get all touchy feely with me and making out and whatnot.

Sidetracking you with some touch to distract you from the matter at hand. Are you the plate?

Then, yesterday we were in a theater and she got a call again and talked for a minute. By chance, I saw that it was her ex.

If you aren't getting blowjobs, you can be sure he is.

Upon coming home I confronted her about this and she told me that he has been calling her on a semi regular basis, that he had called her day before as well, and they just exchange pleasantries for 2-3 minutes and hang up. (Although i dont believe it is on a semi regular basis).

They're talking far more often that that and you'll never see that now because she's probably smart enough to now delete messages and time stamps.

During this confrontation, I told her to never lie to me or consider me a moron, and that she can do whatever she wants as long as she is truthful.

All she heard is Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm a big pussy because I'm going to stick around while you talk to your ex and do who knows what else. Blah blah blah blah I love you honey blah blah blah blah!

She had also told me earlier that she had broken up with him only because he didn't use to regularly call her and ignored her.

That's the dumbest shit I ever heard. And, if minutely true, she shouldn't want his attention NOW.

I intend to confront her today again and plain state that she is not to talk to her ex at all.

You have no frame or power in this situation. Either resign to cuck or read the side bar and find a new girl. This one is fucking you over.

Gawernator · 2017-02-06T16:44:34+00:00

You already know, the relationship is over.

seeing-red- · 2017-02-07T08:23:37+00:00

This is a plate not your girlfriend. also send me her number

Title	Girlfriend talking to ex on a semi regular basis and kept me in the dark about it. What to do?
Author	darthVader8932
Upvotes	18
Comments	26
Date	February 6, 2017 4:04 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5sc1ew/girlfriend_talking_to_ex_on_a_semi_regular_basis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/girlfriend-talking-to-ex-on-a-semi-regular-basis.82014 https://theredarchive.com/post/82014

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