Long term abortion regret

michaelscott1776 · 2021-07-24T15:28:23+00:00

You aren't to blame for this as she would've gotten the abortion anyways had you agreed or disagreed.

Have you tried finding a group that could help you with this regret? Try looking for pro-life groups in your area that could help you with this

toblotron · 2021-07-24T18:41:37+00:00

How about this (from an atheist, who is a bit divided on the subject of abortion): At the time, neither you or your wife considered abortion to be murder. Can you be guilty of murder of you only came to the belief that it was murder after the fact?

I would lean towards describing it as unintentional manslaughter -if anything, of that kind. You can be sorry about it, yes (even if you didn't really have a say), but it does not make sense to consider yourself or your wife a murderer when none of you saw it as anything like murder at the time.

Not that I'm an expert on relationships or anything, but as others have said here, it seems like a really good idea to talk this through with your wife. Preferably in a milder way than calling yourselves murderers.

Hope you find peace on this

Willing-Plantain-506 · 2021-07-25T04:33:24+00:00

Regret its repentance. Murder is wrong, whether it was intentional or not, but the good news is God is both willing and more then happy to forgive you.

Im know it isnt a magic fixall, there are still earthly consequences to every action. Therapy will help you move past that, but support from your church family will go a long way.

AbaloneSilent5810 · 2021-07-24T15:40:46+00:00

god fearing christian? i hope you wont start protesting all abortions now and cause problems for others

DavidByron2 · 2021-07-24T15:50:00+00:00

Well the guilt is irrational, which presumably you already know.

I very reluctantly went along with her wishes

How exactly did you think you should have stopped it? Baseball bat to the stomach?

to a truly God fearing Christian in the space of 2 years

While feeling a lot of guilt might seem to go with that territory (being Christian I mean), you're probably doing it wrong. You could ask other Christians if they would feel guilt for that. I don't think you're doing the Christian thing "right". I'm an atheist but I'm pretty sure you're not Christianing "right".

even abuse, I know it's deserved

No it isn't. That's the point. Neither logically, nor theologically. Your guilt is inappropriate. I'm sure you have a bunch of things to really feel guilty about. This isn't one. You have an inappropriate emotion that's hurting you. It happens. It's very common. Try to exchange it for loss, regret or some other negative emotion that's more appropriate. If it's a big deal (it is) and you can't fix it yourself (you can't) then get professional assistance like you would if you took Viagara and were hard for 6 years. The Church has a ton of services for dealing with this stuff. Guessing you're not Catholic or you'd have confessed your "sin" years ago. Methodists used to do confession too -- it's biblical. Ask for help from one of the dozens of people who like to help with stuff like this at your church. Or go to a minister at another church. Or one of the many Christian groups that aren't associated with one specific church and offer counselling.

the more I'm starting to resent my wife

Yeah you want to get that shit sorted out sooner than later. Is she even Christian? Successful marriages require agreement on three things (1) politics (2) religion (3) whether you want kids or not. It's fine if one of you is really into something as long as the other is at least neutral on it. Your becoming a big religious person and maybe she isn't could be an issue. A six year old abortion should not. It's not your job to judge her. But go ask a Christian counselor and do it soon.

Ellianel · 2021-07-24T20:13:35+00:00

It's not your right to decide about someone else's body. Go to a therapy if you're feeling bad about it mate.

ObligationOk4836 · 2026-05-04T06:27:42+00:00

Your entitled to your feelings completely but her decision was valid aswell.

uraverageuserornah · 2021-07-24T22:55:50+00:00

That's why I disagree with abortion. You had a baby, it may have still been developing but you had one. All it took was her not feeling comfortable in life situation to kill it. Just try not to feel guilty. She would have done it either way.

EDIT: As a biologist and self philosopher that's my response. Does not relate at all to religion. I'm atheist.

mrmensplights · 2021-07-24T18:01:49+00:00

There seems to be an important component missing here. You mention going through years of pain and turmoil and even going through a radical religious awakening - and yet you failed to mention how your wife reacted to all this. You indicate that you are still married.. have you discussed your feelings about what happened with her? Have you discussed your growing resentment? How does she feel about your new found theism? You say you're approaching now or never stage have you discussed having a child? Surely years of emotional and mental turmoil, a religious awakening, and growing resentment and trepidation have had some kind of effect on your marriage.

You could not have stopped her from getting an abortion if she wanted one. Agree with it or not, lawfully she never needed your approval. Even though you say it was reluctant, because you agreed to the abortion at the time you really have no right to resent your wife for having gone through with it on a personal level. That resentment should be reserved for yourself for not standing your ground.

If you now believe what she did is murder generally (and that you are therefore complicit) then you have a problem. Not just within your marriage but also in how you come to terms with these feelings in wider society. It feels like you're living in a duality that is tearing you in two directions and causing you great pain.

Getting involved in strangers lives from a paragraph of text is already fraud enough with danger, but without having a on how your wife has dealt with the past six years it's hard to give any thoughts.

gnuban · 2021-07-25T08:07:20+00:00

To me it sounds like the decision was well-grounded at the time, and my reflections based on what you write is that you don't mention any future plans of having kids. Perhaps you could turn this around by focusing more on future kids and endeavors than seeing this as a permanently missed opportunity?

If not, I would think hard about if there was something about your wifes behavior around that time that made you doubt her suitability as a mother, and address those concerns in whatever way possible.

wleebee · 2021-07-25T08:18:53+00:00

OP I fear this will get worse and not better. Maybe the problem is that you have remorse but you think your wife doesn't. And now you are at a point of making the decision to conceive with a woman who you don't trust. Does she believe in Jesus? If, yes you could maybe find a Christian counselor or Pastor to help. If not you are really starting at a place of polarized beliefs. Prayers and good luck. Feel free to DM if you want to talk.

ImplodedPotatoSalad · 2021-07-26T11:03:15+00:00

Find a better mother for your child.

Title	Long term abortion regret
Author	Big_Soil6534
Upvotes	23
Comments	24
Date	July 24, 2021 12:06 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/oqoqg0/long_term_abortion_regret/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/long-term-abortion-regret.823702 https://theredarchive.com/post/823702

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