My dad really opened my eyes to the silently negative assumptions made about men that I'd never thought of before.

dmbrokaw · 2021-05-18T01:29:56+00:00

I love kids. Back when I was still religious, my parents church let me run the Sunday school for the 5-10 year olds for a few months until they found an adult to run it. None of the parents were nervous that a 15-16 year old boy was alone with their kids.

My wife agreed to watch her friend's 3 year old daughter a few months ago, and she had to handle our own 3 year old for a few minutes. The girl came and sat in my lap, nestled into my shoulder, and was watching Disney+ when her mom showed up. Mom gave me quite the disapproving look, and we've not been asked to babysit again.

I guess somewhere in the past 15-20 years I became less trustworthy.

Laarye · 2021-05-18T04:39:29+00:00

After not seeing her for 5 years, I met up with my niece(7) and her mom at the mall. And immediately broke her heart because she tried to hug me, and without thinking about it, I took a step back and gently pat her on the head. Because we were in public. I haven't seen her since, and it's been almost 4 years, and they live states away. I don't get calls, I have to call. I don't get pictures. I don't get texts. If I call, I get a couple minutes before everyone is so busy they have to go.

My wife was killed just a couple years after misscarrying our girls. So it's like losing the only thing left in life, because the only things I do have are 4 pets that have a max 5 years left if I'm lucky.

I've been standing in a bookstore reading, minding my own business, and had a kid just say hello, only to have them pulled away being told to stay away from the monster. Twice. This monster, looks a lot like the YouTuber Pat Stares At, only average height.

The way we treat or view men with little children, including their own, made me destroy my only human relationships without me even realizing it.

The only good news is I haven't thought about taking a lead aspirin for almost 8 months now. But that's because I've finally accepted I am a useless piece of shit and my place is in my room away from normal people.

I've accepted that this world doesn't want me, but I won't throw away my pets, and there are a few movies and animes that were promised in the next couple years. So there's still a little time on the clock. The list is getting shorter, but I have added to it a little. My current goal is to die from my health problems before my list of reasons runs out.

I just hope everything going on can be helped enough for the next generation, because this current one might have finally gone too far to recover from.

Doggoroniboi · 2021-05-18T01:01:07+00:00

Oh definitely, I’m only 27 but this is just a fact of life. Like interacting with any kid in public can be seen as creepy so sometimes I just have to ignore kids, especially little girls when they try to talk to me in public, unless of course I’m with my own kid. That being said, I’m your dads situation I probably would feel uncomfortable or like people were judging because it would just look like it was his kid regardless of race or resemblance.

Protektor35 · 2021-05-18T06:19:02+00:00

Oh definitely. I have a phobia about being accused of something with kids, because you can never unring that bell.

I never allow any kids in my home even though I am married. I am never alone in a room with any kids. I am never with any kids anywhere that there isn't multiple adults around so 1 or 2 couldn't just decide to ruin my life to fuck with. A group could still do it but less likely. I take great care to never have anyone even think that about me. I don't touch kids or anything, no hugs, no physical contact at all. Because I don't want them or anyone else getting the wrong impression.

You can't be too careful these days around kids, so you are never even thought of in that way.

BustedPhlush · 2021-05-18T02:19:41+00:00

... the horrific assumptions of men around kids being "creepy"

I quit my job and found a new one a couple years ago. Had a service provider subcontract that required before and after pics of the hardware i was repairing, in a children's store. It's just too dangerous to pull out my phone and take the pics. Pics of door knobs.

Bowlnk · 2021-05-18T06:22:59+00:00

I'm glad i have resting bitch face, normally enouth to scare off most kids. If that doesn't help i try to come off as boring if they ask anything. Also helps i'm not fond of kids

Criket · 2021-05-18T16:50:01+00:00

By experience, some mother are very jealous, even from who their kids like/show affection.

fairieswearboots · 2021-05-18T18:39:11+00:00

My boyfriend won't even talk to my roommates 14 year old sister because he's worried about seeming "creepy". The one time they did talk they got into a discussion about anime and he told me he couldn't shake the feeling that everyone was judging him for talking to the teenage girl and not the adult men that were there. Nobody was, that I know of, but it's still a shame that he felt that way in the first place. I wish I knew how to solve this.

HPUnicorn · 2021-05-18T10:25:28+00:00

(obviously this is done after a pretty lengthy interviewing process + background checking).

Do you realize that you typed that message and in a way were doing exactly what your dad was concerned about.

You felt the need to assure us that this org was not pairing a pedophile with young boys.

If it was obvious, you would not have had a need to post that.

Would you have typed that disclaimer if you were talking about your mom joining big sisters or similar org.

ThatisDavid · 2021-05-18T18:25:13+00:00

The sad thing about this is that men never talk about these problems and we just ignore them. And while I kinda agree that sometimes life can suck and we have to move on, there's a whole movement and discussion being dedicated to women not being comfortable walking on the streets that has gotten a lot of attention over the years. But men are too afraid of speaking about the same kinda problems that come with being a man because we already have a bad reputation, and most men are afraid to speak up.

Mynewadventures · 2021-05-18T12:48:40+00:00

You're talking about Big Brother / Big Sisters, and tell your Dad to not fucking worry about it!

I was a BB and it was rewarding for all involved, even the single Mom who's kid I did things with!

Who gives a shit if other people at the park have an issue...and really? You guys think everyone at the park is looking at your Dad and a boy having a good time and saying, "something looks wrong"?

Let's stop being paranoid and get on with having full lives.

You and your Dad sound like AWESOME guys, and I know you will do well!

Love ya!

Title	My dad really opened my eyes to the silently negative assumptions made about men that I'd never thought of before.
Author	Laxsie
Upvotes	94
Comments	18
Date	May 17, 2021 9:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/nesylg/my_dad_really_opened_my_eyes_to_the_silently/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-dad-really-opened-my-eyes-to-the-silently.828164 https://theredarchive.com/post/828164

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