Something clicked in my head about my relationship and it's killing me inside.

My LTR of 3 years was very excited last night after she bought some lube and wanted to try anal (at my request) but then she went on about how she used it on two other guys (both of which she hated) and that killed my libido for the night.

My GF is very smart funny and kind. She cooks for me, cleans, goes shopping for me, and does whatever I want. However she slept around before I met her, cheated on her asshole BF (she said she was abused) for me, (didn't know she had a BF when we met), tried to clean her life up for me (I helped out a lot) and even said that I inspired her to be better.

However part of me feels like this is "alpha fucks, beta bux" because after she slept around with multiple guys, got in trouble, and got caught up in things she never should have, her "reward" was a chump like me who even through bouts of depression, suicidal thoughts and hospitalization due to being sexually assaulted in high school, had enough foresight to save up A LOT of money and not blow it all up to secure a better future for myself and now she gets to reap the benefits of that.

Sometimes I feel as if she benefits a lot more than I do, because she lived a full life (good and bad) and now she's ready to settle down, but my mom was such a controlling cunt that my childhood was robbed from me, and when I joined the military I finally felt like I was living. I joined when I was 19 and I feel as if my life started 4 years ago when I joined.

I guess part of me wants to live more life before settling down, because I did have some fun before we were together. I used to sleep around a little (not as much as my GF) and I started to focus on myself more, got into Accounting School, and etc. But my GFs poor decisions set her back a lot and now it's like I'm getting every Chads throwaway.

Though to her credit I do feel like she has a lot of potential and I want to marry her and have my babies but I don't know if this is the right time for us because she has to work herself back on her feet and I'm starting to run but it's harder to run if she's struggling if that makes sense.

Please help me!!!