RP advice for living with alcoholism?

Bakerofpie · 2014-05-27T23:13:20+00:00

The proper way to handle it is largely just choosing the right partner in the first place. There is no good RPW way to handle trying to get a man to stop drinking as much once you are already in a relationship (assuming his habits didn't change dramatically). This should be something you use to filter your choices. It's perfectly acceptable to find out someone's stance on alcohol before getting serious with them. In fact, you should absolutely do so. Incompatibility issues like this that can become such a large source of conflict later on need to be discussed before entering a committed relationship.

[deleted] · 2014-05-27T23:00:31+00:00

what you do not have a right to do is entangle yourself with a man who drinks and then try to control his drinking. either choose a man who doesnt drink or leave him alone. those are the RPW choices

[deleted] · 2014-05-27T21:55:26+00:00

Irresponsible/impulsive decision making, slurred speech, blacking out, vomiting, and any need to consume alcohol are all red-flags in my book. I rarely drink, and I feel happy/relaxed after half a drink. I knew I needed to be with someone that didn't lose their head, or drink to the point of vomiting/blacking out. I knew I needed to be with a man that had responsible drinking habits. I also knew that I'd be unhappy if I dated a man that made me feel guilty about not drinking on a regular basis. My SO has a higher tolerance than I do (along with most of the population), but he is always in control and responsible. I trust him to know his limits, and he has never made me doubt his ability to moderate his intake.

You have to understand (and clearly communicate) your boundaries.

gabilromariz · 2014-05-27T21:43:25+00:00

This has been said before concerning I think it was cocaine: it is perfectly acceptable and even recomended to have boundaries on what you're willing to put up with.

Because you're supposed to shut your face about him drinking for one simple reason: you trust the judgement of the man you chose. If you don't, that's a problem right there and you shouldn't be with a man you don't trust or look up to

There's nothing wrong with my SO getting a little too much to drink because I trust him a) not to drink too much, b) to still be himself after a few shots, c) to keep me and himself safe, d) to only drink sporadically

Then again, if he gets drunk more than like once or twice a year I'd be concerned because it's not like him.

sierrasecho · 2014-05-28T00:27:29+00:00

My SO and I are both social drinkers, and can often go weeks without drinking without even noticing it.

Alas, at the very beginning of our relationship (we had known each other for less than a month) he had too much... and drove home. Man, was I pissed. We were supposed to go camping the next morning, and he slept in due to the hangover. Pissed.

I did not hound him about this though. I did not text bomb him the night of, I didn't phone him constantly all morning. When he called, I hadn't known the details of what happened. He told me, and I flat out said I wasn't sure if I wanted to pursue a relationship with someone who made such foolhardy choices. I said to give me a few hours to decide if I even still wanted to go, or continue to see him. This was a major for me. He was apologetic (but not simpering.)

I (obviously) chose to continue, but it was the first major boundary discussion we had after the exclusive talk. He now knows that not under absolutely any circumstances would this be ok, and I will walk. He genuinely thought I would the next morning. Again, we remain social drinkers, but never once has this come up.

Anecdotal, I suppose. My SO greatly appreciates that I have boundaries, and enforce them. It shows I respect and value myself, and by doing so, respect him. I think in general, open discussion about where you stand on important issues only strengthens a relationship. No wishy-washy "oh... I thought you would be okay with that..."

MrsKittenHeel · 2014-05-27T21:44:30+00:00

My hubby is a 3-4 beers a night guy, I don't mention it unless it starts affecting me negatively. We are both adults.

He doesn't drink to being drunk and has quite a high tolerence, he also doesn't need to drink. If he were a drunk I would approach the issue with him :)

schwingaling · 2014-05-28T10:44:24+00:00

Quite simply you shouldn't pick a partner who drinks too much.

Saying that, I had a lot of vices in the past and a girlfriend who I think dealt with them appropriately. She made it very clear she wished I didn't smoke/drink to excess/take drugs/gamble/fight but she never nagged me or had a go at me for doing it. She was even more supportive of me than normal if I did something like try and quit smoking, or only drink a little at a party, but she wouldn't make a big deal about it when I inevitably had a cigarette.

I knew I was being weak, she knew that really bothered me and that I was trying to change. That's all she needed really.

BuddhaFett · 2014-05-28T15:50:42+00:00

My ex was an alcoholic and I'll can tell you, they don't have relationships...they take hostages. The longer it goes on the worse it gets. If you've dealt with an alcoholic before, I'd really recommend getting involved in AlAnon. It's a companion program to AA for the friends and families of alcoholics.

Those of us who have lived with a drinker have a really, and I mean really, hard time setting and enforcing boundaries. AlAnon helps you learn to to do just that and I can't recommend the program enough.

Ultimately, it didn't help my marriage (and it's not designed to) but it did help me learn to stand apart and make the best decision I could for me and my kids.

sugarcrush · 2014-05-27T22:28:24+00:00

I avoid both extremes. Alcoholism is absolutely unacceptable to me, but so is a guy who NEVER drinks. I like to drink casually/socially and I looked for someone similar. I like keeping nice beer and a few bottles and mixers around so that I can have a drink with dinner if I feel like it (I usually don't, but sometimes the urge strikes). My husband has one or two beers most nights and I'm okay with that, since studies has shown that level to be healthy. If he started to increase his usage though I would voice concern. If he ever descended into full blown alcoholism... Well, I would leave if he didn't get help.

Another point against alcoholism: I don't know many wealthy people, so all the alcoholics I have heard of get drunk off the cheap stuff. Any beer below the level of shiner/blue moon/sam adams does not enter my house unless I have to provide for l like, 20+ people lol!

stillnoturday · 2014-05-28T13:51:32+00:00

When I was 21 I was with a girl and we would go drink every night and I mean EVERY night. I got bored of it now that I'm 28 I can have a beer or plain whisky but I never get drunk anymore. I grew out of it some people don't I never saw the appeal of needing something every day like that.

My advice to you is if you don't want to be around an alcoholic then don't be. That goes for anything in life don't settle, know what you want and demand it. When you find a man, going to be a little misogynist here, part of your job is to make sure he is the best possible version of himself.

Even with girls I see for only one purpose, I'm interested that they are pursuing a life they want to live.

[deleted] · 2014-05-29T20:58:30+00:00

Personally I think alcoholism is a form of BP type escapism. You lose your control, damage your health, and basically just create a massive deadweight loss of time where nothing gets accomplished. Plus it is gross for other people to have to deal with your shit. Part of being a man is maintaining your frame and addicts (to anything, gaming / MMO addicts or heroin addicts or alcoholics all apply) have really poor abilities to maintain frame.

For example as you said, while they are drinking they go too far despite their belief (hamstering) that they can control it. They tend to lose frame by getting grumpy / needing their drink when they aren't drinking, and when they are buzzed they may themselves, but then they quickly go back to losing frame again.

But of course there is a big difference between drinkers and alcoholics. I have no idea about the people in your life (although I'd guess some sound like alcoholics), but I would recommend if they are more than just a social drinker, then it's probably not a good idea. A man is a leader, a leader isn't blacking out it's the high school prom... every weekend. A leader isn't trying to escape his problems / dissatisfaction with life / lack of confidence.

I would decide what threshold of drinking you are OK with and then stick to that decision.

ColdEiric · 2014-05-27T23:34:36+00:00

Open the bottle. Hold it upside down above the toilet. Put the bottle in the trash. Do it for him. Persuade him do it on his own. Persuade a fellow man to order the alcoholic to get his shit together.

Repeat if you still have bottles.

I had problems with computer games and video games. I threw my favorite games in the trash. I had to get rid of the online accounts, by breaking the rules, in order to get myself permanently banned. I have 'lent' the consoles to 'friends', whom I haven't talked with for a long, long time.

Yes, it is an extreme suggestion, but if you have to choose between extreme and extreme, what do you prefer? No drinking at all? Or a very drunk man?

Title	RP advice for living with alcoholism?
Author	DanteAmaya
Upvotes	14
Comments	22
Date	May 27, 2014 9:26 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/26n24c/rp_advice_for_living_with_alcoholism/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/rp-advice-for-living-with-alcoholism.84537 https://theredarchive.com/post/84537

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