Are we allowed to do field reports? Eh, oh well. :) I noticed there are posts every so often asking how to meet people, be it a girly counterpart or an SO. I understand that the "bell curve" for Tinder is hookup, hookup, hookup, but my experience was very different and I'd like to share it, because I believe approaching it the way I did had a lot to do with my results.

Why did I even go on Tinder, given its reputation? Boredom, mostly. I was expecting to go on there and have some funny conversations, never thought I would meet anyone from it. The whole idea of online dating/meeting people from the internet freaks me out, to be honest. So I made a profile, chose some classy pictures, and put something silly and existential in my profile (I have since deleted the account & can't look it up, but it involved some Tinder meta-humor).

While "swiping", I noticed that I was unconsciously applying rules to the whole thing. The first picture had to be attractive and not ridiculous (ridiculous could be anything from a selfie to something way too night-lifey). If someone caught my eye I'd go through all their pictures and description. Automatic disqualifications: girls in their pictures who are not obviously family, too many selfies, and/or no apparent hobby or interest. Also, descriptions that were too wordy, implying they only want a hookup, had incorrect spelling/grammar, boring, or seemed needy/beta, or no description at all. Surprisingly, I still had a lot of matches, about 10 in the first day (about 75% insta-matched).

When it came to talking, a few messaged me first with polite questions, none of those /r/tinder shenanigans. One challenged me to a rap battle. One spoke to me exclusively in French once he found out I speak French. One guy got lewd so I unmatched him. Most of them just got boring/the conversation wound down.

There were two that I messaged first. One said something about loving brinner in his profile, so I opened with that. He was really fun to talk to for a day or two, but then he started getting weird - saying things that felt very white khighty - I can't remember anything specific, but it was enough for me to stop talking to him. After ignoring him for a whole day, he messaged 'well fuck you then' and unmatched me. Bullet dodged!

The second man had a foreign name and I asked him how to pronounce it. He answered (kind of shortly), and then I shared that my brother-in-law has trouble with people pronouncing his name all the time. After that, we talked for 4-5 days before I gave him my phone number. I deleted my Tinder account when I gave it to him. Our conversations were about traveling, family, art and history. He was so interesting and sounded so classy that I decided to go on a date with him.

On our first date, he took me to a beautiful restaurant. We went to a very classy bar after, and then to a hookah lounge, because we didn't want the night to end. We spent 8 hours together and there was not a moment of silence or awkwardness. Not only that, he was a complete gentleman! No handseyness, no straying eyes, just a sweet kiss at the end of the night. :) We've been dating for four months now, and we're crazy about each other!!

He loves that I embrace the female role, he often jokes that I'm "the least feminist American girl" he's ever met. He loves how sweet I am, how I always make him things, and how I encourage him and show interest in his life. I've met all his friends and local family, they're wonderful people and they all love me. His grandparents joke about when we're going to have babies (he doesn't freak out, he loves it). He wants to move in together at the end of September!

All in all: I approached Tinder with no expectations, followed some strict rules that enforced my standards, deleted it as soon as I had a real interest in someone, and have been in a state of bliss since. I'd call this a success. :) Perhaps meeting people isn't about where you go, but about how you carry yourself. You get back what you put out in to the world.