This is the most compact version I could write of the story.

I met my husband online when I was a teenager. He is american, I am from Argentina. We fell in love and it became a goal that he would come meet me and we would be together. He was around my age and didn’t have money. Tried having two jobs, hated both, quit, decided to be self employed. With that, it took 8 years for him to come and I waited all that time, completely committed to him.

With the money he brought, he was able to live for only a month in an apartment, so he moved into the house I live with my mom. The deal was he would pay her a small amount per month, but he wasn’t able to most of the time he has been here. We’ve been together in the house for 3 years and we married last year. Our plan was always to move to his town in Georgia, we have applied for my spouse visa.

Throughout all this time, he hasn’t figured out his life. He has tried several online businesses and projects with little success. The problem isn’t so much what he tries, but that he doesn’t follow through with anything. He will come up with this great plan and soon abandon it because it turns out “it wasn’t that good” or because he’s got a better idea.

Meanwhile, I have paid for things (besides all the bills my mom pays). I am self employed. Some months can be great, some not so much. But I’ve been saving money for years. Problem is, while it’s relatively a lot of money in my country, it won’t be much at all in the US. And it might take a while for me to be able to rebuild my business (it’s not an online business) when I’m in America, where I’m not known.

Last year he managed to get an online job with a good salary. It only lasted a month, because it seems he can’t stand being an employee. So the plan went back to an online business. He has skills and has come with some ideas I think are really good, if he only went through with them. He keeps alternating between different plans, or he just doesn’t work at all. I’ll often see him browsing the internet or watching cartoons.

I try not to bring it up all the time. My natural inclination would be to ask “why are you not working” every single time I notice and fight him. But I know nagging doesn’t work. When I keep it inside for too long, I will eventually blow up. When I do bring it up more casually, he will fight me. He says he needs encouragement and respect. He justifies he works at a different pace than me. That he might be out of the right mindset for a while (days? weeks? months?), but he will eventually come back and I just need to give him space. Well, it’s been 10 years of this.

I should get my visa in a couple months. I’ve now been depressed most of the time because how will we move and keep ourselves? He notices. He gets mad, blames me for being demotivating. Whatever his pace is, it seems he believes he is working and I should respect it. If I mention money, he will say he is earning it (a while ago he managed to get passive income from this little project - $200 per month) and that no matter what he does, nothing is good enough for me. That I’m never happy about what he is doing. “If nothing is good enough, why even try?”. Actually, I’m usually very happy and encouraging when I see he is working hard and following through with a plan, even if it doesn’t make money yet. But it seems what he wants is me happy with whatever he does, even if it’s nothing.

I am loving, I cook, I give him sex regularly, I even pay for things “while he isn’t able to”. I don’t withdraw on anything because of this situation. I don’t think he realizes that. Sometimes when we have this discussion, he fights me but later recognizes how wrong it all is and apologizes. I don’t want to be right on this, I don’t want apologies. I just want him to pull himself together so I don’t have to say it ever again.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I say something, I’m to blame for being a nag. When he is actually doing something, I am encouraging, but it doesn’t last. I don’t do anything, this goes on as it always has and he covers it up. He wants to be left alone but it’s not just about him, it also puts my future in danger. And that future is closer than ever. I don’t know what to do. Is there any way at all I can help this? I know I might sound stupid, but am I missing something here that I can do?

EDIT: What are your faults? How have you contributed to the creation of these issues? I'm sure I must be doing something wrong, that's why I'm looking for help. Maybe I do nag? It's hard to separate what's nagging and what is me just wanting to know what he is up to. Because in my experience, if I don't ask for a long time, it will mean he wasted all that time or 90% of it. But then he wants me to trust him, not ask and trust that he will be doing his thing. I have, many times, and it turned out bad. And now the difference is we have very little time until we move. How it usually goes lately is I notice he has been laying around not doing much. Then I'll get in this depressed mood without saying anything. He will notice, ask about it, I'll say it and we will fight. He says me being like that is discouraging.

Why do you think this (these) problem(s) manifested? He hasn't figured himself out yet, I think. According to the Myers Briggs personality test, he is an INTP. That type usually will start hundreds of projects and go through with none.

What steps have you already taken to try and resolve the problem? I've tried not mentioning it much while hoping he is working. Usually doesn't end well, because I'll eventually find out he hasn't been doing anything and that will just make me angry. At him and at myself, for having trusted him. I try to be encouraging when he is starting a new thing. I'll be disappointed when that thing simply doesn't exist anymore. Many times I try to ask him nicely about what he has been doing, without nagging, but that backfires many times too.

UPDATE: some of the replies made me realize we haven't had good communication about our goals. So today I talked to him so we could lay out his plan. He has decided what we should go for, researched costs and what we will need to start once we move. I didn't ask, but I think he has been working today. It's a small step, but I feel it's progress. Thank you so much for all the advice, every response gave me a lot to think about. I will come back in a few months to let you guys know how moving to his town went.