Family dinamics - Being a wife first and mom second

LegoArcus · 2015-12-30T07:07:38+00:00

So important! You said your vows to him, and it's so important that you still put him first! Some things I do: When he comes home from work, I make sure to get up from whatever I'm doing and greet him. Like, even if I'm seriously grown into the couch, I make sure to get up and let him know I'm glad he's home; I also make sure to ask him about things going on with him before barraging him with cute pictures, and wait to bring it up until he asks what my day was like. Also, unless it's an emergency, I help my husband first. Anyway, congrats on your little bundle of joy

elimasmx · 2015-12-30T17:27:39+00:00

My sister did THIS ONE NOT THE OTHER BOOK I POSTED because she realized that she needed to set limits from when the baby was very very young. All of her kids went through the baby boot camp and now every single night she has alone with her husband. They make time for one another and that is a huge priority to them. I think people go into parenthood blind and wind up feeling overwhelmed because they are tired and running around and in pain (from birth). This is normal but it is so easy to slip into forgetting you also have a partner and friends and family that you just become "mom". He doesn't want to be with "mom" he wants to be with the girl he fell in love with.

So coming from a perspective as someone who is dating, I kept reading horror stories about how single moms have dating profiles that say things like "my kid comes first and if you've got a problem with that keep walking!!!!!". That is such an ugly vibe to give off. Your kids will one day grow up and leave you but your partner is there for life (hopefully). If you don't nurture that relationship for years because of a baby it WILL go to shit and it WILL end. The same is true for if you are with their father. That relationship is so important. Especially for your kid. If you and the father are happy, the baby will be happy.

edit: changed the book. I had it wrong. :)

[deleted] · 2015-12-30T16:30:38+00:00

It is so easy to fall into this trap! I have two boys, 5 and 7 and we homeschool, and my husband works from home a few days a week so I feel very susceptible to this trap often. Some things I do are always drop what I'm doing to do for my husband, I always correct my oldest when he interrupts his father (although I do correct him when he does this to everyone) and I shield my husband from various annoyances (aka the kids) when he is in his study. Plus I try (I do fail occasionally) to be available sexually for him whenever. We also have a standing date night on Wednesday nights and the kids go to Grandma and Grandpa for the night. I hope this helps!

edit: congrats on your new baby! We just found out the day after Christmas we are expecting again!

StingrayVC · 2015-12-30T12:34:01+00:00

My Husband told me this story years ago. It's always stuck with me.

Congratulations!

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-12-30T11:28:05+00:00

Congratulations on marriage and the soon to be daughter!! So nice reading about all these ladies bettering their lives 😊

Quite simply, for me, the thought of my husband viewing me as a frumpy dowdy mum and not the hot vixen he lusts after ( I use these inflammatory words to highlight my own fears) terrified me.

Also you only raise kids in order for them to have their own lives. Your husband was there before them and he'll be there after them ( just as long he doesn't ditch the frump for a vixen 😀) you owe him that much

There is a similarity in how a husband needs to balance beta and alpha traits and how a wife needs to balance being a good mother to his children and being sexy and alluring He wants you to be a good mum but not to the extent It takes over your life

[deleted] · 2015-12-30T15:22:01+00:00

No advice, just congratulations!!!!!!

Risen_valkyrie · 2015-12-30T15:02:29+00:00

I have to remind myself of this constantly and it has really helped. I was a single mother for years before my husband and I got married so I was literally a mom first but child rearing is an exponential decline of energy investment while marriage is more or less a constant.

My job as a parent is to teach my kids to live without me. My job as a wife is to tend my relationship with my husband every day for life.

ZingMaster · 2015-12-30T21:28:41+00:00

For the first few months, hubby will come second. Babies are demanding and you will be recovering, just don't let that habit carry on longer than the first few months.

Get a baby carrier (I highly recommend wraps). It helps to wrap baby up in that so you can continue doing household duties, including making meals. My house was damn spotless the first year of my son's life as he spent a lot of time in that.

You're going to be tired. Exhausted. Don't take that out on him. Make time for him each night. Plan date nights out of the house, even if you have to take baby with you (but do try for a sitter).

sugarcrush · 2015-12-30T14:49:10+00:00

No children of my own yet, but I babysit about once a week for my sister and brother in law so they can go on a date night. She has told me on many occasions that I am the reason they are still married, lol! Definitely find a reliable family member or sitter and make time regularly to connect with each other. Maybe you can even make it a rule to not talk about the baby during this time :)

shinesunshine · 2015-12-30T15:13:42+00:00

I have a kid and we have an amazing relationship which has only got better since having the kid. I'd say we put our kid first if for example we were all drowning and he could only save one of us, he'd save the kid in a heartbeat and vice versa. We out each other first though in every day life - making time for each other, even turning things like cleaning out our kitchen pipes together into fun in the evening :) we have a 'chore' night, a 'reading' night, a 'board game' night, an 'early' night etc so every night feels like a date night.

One good tip I read is always feel like the other person is doing 51% of the work and you will be golden. Sometimes I get grumpy that I've been doing housework all day but then I realise he took the bins out that morning, had the baby while I slept, made me coffee before he left etc and remember how blessed I am.

Finally, we tried to put him to bed early every night since a few weeks after birth with a routine of bath, book, nurse and bed. From around 4 months we had our evenings to ourselves which is bliss.

shinesunshine · 2015-12-30T15:13:42+00:00

I have a kid and we have an amazing relationship which has only got better since having the kid. I'd say we put our kid first if for example we were all drowning and he could only save one of us, he'd save the kid in a heartbeat and vice versa. We out each other first though in every day life - making time for each other, even turning things like cleaning out our kitchen pipes together into fun in the evening :) we have a 'chore' night, a 'reading' night, a 'board game' night, an 'early' night etc so every night feels like a date night.

One good tip I read is always feel like the other person is doing 51% of the work and you will be golden. Sometimes I get grumpy that I've been doing housework all day but then I realise he took the bins out that morning, had the baby while I slept, made me coffee before he left etc and remember how blessed I am.

Finally, we tried to put him to bed early every night since a few weeks after birth with a routine of bath, book, nurse and bed. From around 4 months we had our evenings to ourselves which is bliss.

Title	Family dinamics - Being a wife first and mom second
Author	elimasmx
Upvotes	29
Comments	13
Date	December 30, 2015 6:45 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3yr7hf/family_dinamics_being_a_wife_first_and_mom_second/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/family-dinamics-being-a-wife-first-and-mom-second.85871 https://theredarchive.com/post/85871

Comments