This is not an exhaustive list or even a Military Wife 101 guide. These are some things I've learned along the way these past years.

1. Find a mentor. Your husband knows his job and his role in the military, but he does not know how to be a military dependent. Take a moment to let that word sink in. You are a dependent--you are dependent on the military for where you live, for when your children can be conceived (around deployments, field ops), etc. When you go to the doctor, you have to give them your husband's information. When you sign your child up for daycare, you need his power of attorney or his signature on the paperwork. You are dependent. Get used to it.

Find a mentor. Look for a mentor with the following traits: married 5+ years longer than you have been, has experienced the home front side of combat deployments, has kids, and is a positive, successful, happy person married to a well-respected man. (Can't find one? Volunteer on base at a non-profit agency. You'll find a lot of them there.)

2. You are the company you keep. Be friendly and kind to everyone. If someone is giving off red flags, give a wide berth. Red flags can be anything from naked kids running around in the yard, to a shitty attitude and lots of complaining (very common!), clubbing and drinking (less common), and a husband who is in trouble at work (yikes!! stay away!). If she talks incessantly about "back home" and is closer to her mom than her own husband, she is not good company.

Choose women (no men!) who view their husbands as their primary family and their current duty station as "home." Look for the "bloom where you're planted" type of women.

3. You are not your husband's rank. No rank among wives. Be respectful and recognize your role as a dependent. Do not call your husband's command and complain that he is late for dinner or in the field or deployed too much. Do not, under any circumstances, bitch to the CO or XO (or their wives) or anyone else about your husband's working conditions. Your communications with the command shall be pleasant and respectful. If there is a problem at work, that is YOUR HUSBAND'S PROBLEM. Do not repeat any work venting stuff that he has said to you to your neighbors or to his coworkers' wives or anyone! Be discreet.

4. Your husband is not the bad guy. Do not get pissed at him because his job has crazy hours and lots of separations. Do not tell your children, "Wait until your father gets home!" if they are misbehaving. Your husband puts up with a lot of shit from above and below, all day long. Home should be a quiet, peaceful haven--clean and tidy, too.

5. Get a straw and suck it up So you're living in a crappy duty station in the middle desert. Your career is stalled (no jobs), and your resume makes you look like a traveling carny. Suck it up. Your career will most likely suffer. Get used to underemployment. It sucks. Life's not fair and all that jazz. If you feel resentful, you need to stop and take care of that (and not just push it way, way down...).

If he comes home and says he's deploying next week, your response is, "Okay. How can I help?" If he comes home and says out of the blue that you're moving next month across country, your response. "Okay. How can I help?"

6. The Hotness Young guys have hot dates at the Ball. Older guys (E-6 and above) have dumpier, fat dates at the Ball. Here's the kicker: they're the same girls. The young hot things let themselves go. Don't do that. (Officer wives generally seem to defy this trend and look fantastic...generally.) When in public, dress well. Running out to the store? Remember that you might run into his coworkers and wives. Follow the base dress code. You are representing your husband. Make him proud. Stay in shape. Smile.

7. You are responsible for your own happiness Get some hobbies. Read books. Exercise. Spend time with friends. Be healthy. (This is RPW 101 stuff)