Boyfriend said he doesn't want to be with me

lackadaisicalily · 2016-12-10T02:47:05+00:00

You need to be the best for yourself, before you can be the best for other.

You should look into options that will help alleviate your anxiety. This may be a good time to slip into monk mode and focus on yourself.

Gardrothard · 2016-12-10T09:19:14+00:00

Are you on the pill? If you are it's quite possible that it's causing you to be so moody. In that case ditch the pill. This will also help with the break up since women have different preferences when on and off hormonal contraception, and if you liked him while on pill you won't be so attracted without it. If not, skip this step.

You should start meditating. Starting today.

This will help with anxiety and stress. It will also help you survive the break up (in case it happens). It will also help with concentration and self-discipline, therefore success in school/work.

If you're having breakdowns every now and then it means that you aren't facing your emotions properly. You are probably suppressing them to the point that they pile up and it's impossible to hold them inside. That's not sustainable. You need to deal with negative emotions when they come. Acknowledge them, try to see them for what they are, ask yourself why you're feeling so bad and then let go and move on. I would recommend you do journaling do deal with this.

The reason most of us are afraid of things is because we are afraid of feeling bad. You aren't really afraid of failing, you're afraid that you will feel bad once it happens. Feeling bad, sad, stressed, these are part of life and you cannot avoid them. Just like it rains in the fall. It's a life's fact. The more you try to avoid feeling bad, the more you will suffer in life. It's really your choice and fully under your control. It has nothing to do with your boyfriend, friends, school or anything else.

pewpsprinkler · 2016-12-11T15:44:18+00:00

Your post makes me sad.

Okay, you have to accept that being "normal" is not in the cards for you, at least not for now. Your BF is "normal" and wants you to be "normal". You try, fail, and end up in a cycle of feeling shitty and negatively reinforced.

You two are not compatible. You are trying to fit a square peg through a round hole. It is over. There is no fixing it.

Here is what you should do: admit that you have things that set you apart from "normal" and don't live in denial of them. Admit this to yourself, and your potential romantic partners. You will find that a lot of men will be accepting of you.

But I love him so much. I can't imagine being without him. I know I need to improve myself and am ready to take steps for it. But I feel like without him there is no point. :(

This kind of talk makes you seem like you might be borderline, as in Borderline Personality Disorder. The fear of abandonment is extreme.

I've been doing self therapy and it worked pretty okay. The problem is right now I am busy with studies and don't have time for even exercising (or I don't make time well). :(

You are probably going to need serious help, beyond what a free uni psych can give, as well.

One final thing: don't try to "date up". Men with a lot of options are going to be much less accepting of you. Try to find a guy who you like, and are attracted to, but who can accept and be stable with your unconventional personality.

kitschisland · 2016-12-10T09:45:51+00:00

There's always going to be situations or reasons in life that cause us stress and anxiety. If you only are pleasant when things are good, that's not much assurance to him or anyone that you're a stable and reliable partner. You may actually have a diagnosable anxiety disorder however I often feel women use that as an excuse or crutch to justify their bad behavior. Either way, from what you've written in the post, it sounds as though the damage is done. There's no magic RPW chant that will make him give you one more chance. This may just be too little too late.

PinkTulipz · 2016-12-10T02:32:07+00:00

I think it is perfectly acceptable to seek professional help in this case.

While I'd always advise to use it as a last resort once all other options have been exhausted, keeping up with a therapist who will give you direct objectives and goals pertaining to your life specifically will be beneficial.

TDCRedPill · 2016-12-10T15:02:50+00:00

Turn the heat and neediness down until finals are over. Instead of doing what you both need to be doing (studying), you're letting yourself NOT study, and jeopardizing his mindset in the process keeping HIM from studying.

rainyweathergirl · 2016-12-13T02:19:11+00:00

Anxiety is never really one of those things that goes away, it's just something you can learn to cope with. I would suggest taking time out from people if possible when you feel that way. If your boyfriend isn't tolerant of that then he's probably not the perfect match for you. You can have really strong feelings for a man who isn't the best match. Maybe breaking up with him will help you find someone who is more sympathetic.

PyjamaTime · 2016-12-14T21:00:20+00:00

See a psych. This stuff here is not going to help you evolve.

Title	Boyfriend said he doesn't want to be with me
Author	kitschisland
Upvotes	5
Comments	24
Date	December 10, 2016 2:28 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5hhx6p/boyfriend_said_he_doesnt_want_to_be_with_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/boyfriend-said-he-doesnt-want-to-be-with-me.86713 https://theredarchive.com/post/86713

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