New to red pill (Virgin, 20, Woman)

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-12-17T01:00:42+00:00

I'm 20, and still a virgin.... but I feel I've made a mistake, that choosing this had made me undesirable.

Wow, you ARE new to the Red Pill. This is a huge plus for your RMV or Relationship Market Value.

But at the same time I don't just want to be a bucket for men to fuck.....

I have strong beliefs in not fucking around, purity is important for women.

A lot of aggression and negative self-talk through your post. By any chance, were you brought up to believe that sex is dirty or sinful? This smacks of a Madonna-Whore complex, which usually manifests in men.

I've tried relationships. But the men I am "lucky" (from beta perspective) enough to attract

First of all, make sure what YOU bring to the relationship table is worthy of an excellent man's ambitions. Then, tune up your recruiting and vetting processes. The first two parts of our Vetting Men series in the sidebar are particularly relevant.

Good luck!

Katiescarlett5 · 2016-12-17T05:13:32+00:00

Hi Roseenvy! I'm usually just a lurker on here, and certainly not an expert on TRP theory, but thought I'd share a little of my own experience.

I grew up (largely due to my parents) also believing sex=loyalty, as you do. Sure, everyone thinks you're crazy and oldfashioned, but it was so worth it. I have now been married almost 11 years to the only man I've ever been with. Trust me, there are men out there who would give anything to meet a girl who thinks the way you do. As you read and learn more about TRP you will see that being a virgin definitely increases your "value" so to speak.

And as far as worrying about being inexperienced...DON'T. Men who value your commitment to purity will be thrilled to teach you. Sex is a blast and something that will likely come very naturally to you. Because I have only ever been with my husband, my sexuality blossomed and developed under his care. My likes and dislikes have been partially shaped by his preferences, and I thinks it's safe to say he is thrilled with our sex life. I know I am. My inexperience was the ground for us to build a very deep and strong connection, totally unmarred by other men's methods and memory.

Don't let others pressure or shame you into doing something you'll regret later. Stick with it, if that what you want, and when the right guy comes along he is going to feel so lucky to have found you! :)

lord-denning · 2016-12-17T02:56:24+00:00

Do not bang any one to get it over with, slow down, take your time, and really get your head clear before you make a move.

Do not trust most women on this subject. They often have their own reasons for encouraging you to take one path or another that have nothing to with you (their own shame or jealousy).

Do not worry about being inexperienced. You can pick it up quite quickly. Our ancestors have been doing this for millennia.

Sex is ridiculously fun. You can choose to have some. My own suggestion is that you use these opportunities like a few rare silver bullets. Try to use these to find out exactly what kind of guy you would like to end up with long term and then go for it. You may not know this at 20 so there is no rush. You have plenty of time. Ignore the pressure if you can.

What is critical (from a TRP perspective) is that you keep you lifetime number very low (below 5 if possible), and that you not use sex a way of accessing guys that are way hotter or above your league or to gain attention or to fulfil other needs in your life. This path leads to skewed perceptions of reality, attention whoring and alpha widowhood. These will leave you unhappy in life.

lackadaisicalily · 2016-12-17T01:41:55+00:00

Men's red pill stuff isn't meant for women.

[deleted] · 2016-12-17T03:11:11+00:00

In response to this:

Yet I feel I should have fucked around at least once so I could satisfy a man properly.

and this:

I feel I should have jumped on the dick so I could appease a man better in the future.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of good responses, but I want to touch on this one point in particular. I've had sex with a lot of women in my life (50+), and there wasn't that much of a correlation between the number of previous partners the woman had and how good she was at satisfying me sexually.

To give a crude example, the two women who gave me the best oral sex, which is exceptionally important to me, were total and complete virgins at the time (in every sense). Neither of them had even kissed another man before. It's worth noting for your sake that the average of their ages was 20.

There is absolutely nothing to gain in the experience department as far as becoming better at sex by jumping on some random dick, hoping to get better at sex for a better man later on.

Edit: Coming back to say this, though it's not necessarily relevant to the discussion: I would have wanted to stay with the first of the two for the long-term, but it wasn't geographically possible due to reasons that ended up being outside of our control. The second I am with for the long term now, and she's incredible all-around.

HobbesTheBrave · 2016-12-17T10:59:48+00:00

I'm proud of my virginity, but I am a joke to all my other woman friends, and I feel I'm the same way to men. That I should be more sexual.

Every girl who has had sex with a guy they shouldn't had sex with, they know that you're more attractive than they are.

They're trying to make you less attractive, when they try to deceive you into sleeping with the wrong guy. Because they can't become virgins again.

I am scared my virginity, something I am proud of, my loyalty, is a joke.

Girls who resort to deceiving their friends are the jokes. I can understand their attempts at deception, but the fact that they're trying to stab their friend in the back, when they should instead praise you for not being as clumsy as they have been, that makes me not want to do anything with people like them. I'd be able to respect these 'friends of yours', if they'd stop deceiving and started praising you for your cool under pressure.

Yet I feel I should have fucked around at least once so I could satisfy a man properly.

Says who? People who buy lottery tickets for the jackpot also say that 'it is still good thing to do, because you might win something.' The lottery is known as, among the more financially literate, as a tax on stupid people. And yes, smarter people have a similar kind of headache when they're with those who talk highly of the lottery, as you have a headache with these 'friends'.

You can learn bedroom-skills with that reliable boyfriend of yours, when you meet him. You don't need to know anything, before you've properly known him for a while.

That my woman friends are right and I'm just a piece of shit.

They're full of shit.

Have you ever played a game with a competitor and she noticed that you're winning? But then she started showing signs of being poor sportsmen(women?), and tried to change the rules, so it would feel like you're the one feeling bad about losing the game? This is what 'your friends' are doing to you.

rainyweathergirl · 2016-12-17T17:36:20+00:00

You don't sound very mature and you seem very impressionable. I wonder if you are just not ready for a serious relationship yet. You care too much about what other people think and not enough about what makes you happy. You need to get over peer pressure and learn to do what makes you happy. If you give into peer pressure you will regret your choices. You sound like you are not happy following the same path as your friends. Real friends won't put pressure on you. I am concerned that this group you are hanging out with is trying to apply pressure to you at your detriment because they want you to be like them when you don't want to be. If I were you I would probably distance myself from them if they were making me feel like this. You also need to learn how to vet guys properly. If you are not wise enough you could end up in a relationship with a complete loser and you may end up giving your virginity to the wrong man. This sounds like something that would be really hurtful for you. Do you have good parents? My advice is to take men home to meet them. If your dad likes him, he is probably a good guy.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-12-17T17:26:16+00:00

They ask me out after barely knowing eachother and want to pay for everything, EVERYTHING, essentially "buy a relationship." Yeah, they are being nice, but I'm not going to jump on their dick for it. If they are willing to buy a relationship, to me that shows there is no room for loyalty, for EITHER of us.

Yeah.... no. Traditionally the one who ask for the date is suppose to pay for it, and if you want to really be old fashioned, the man is suppose to pick up the tab for the date. It has nothing to do (traditionally) with buying anything from you. As willow said its just good traditional gentlemanly behavior. That's not saying some jerk MAY at some point say PPPFFTTTT I paid for everything and she wont even kiss me but hey.... jerks are everywhere and you wont avoid that kinda jerk by going dutch.

If the guy wants to treat you to a date.... let him. It doesn't mean he has bought you or expects anything. Well assuming he's normal. So many young men are not these days because they read too much manosphere garbage on the interwebs.

As for the virginity thing, you do what feels right and proper in your frame of reference. But consider the fact that chances are 99.999999% the first one you have sex with will soon be gone for one reason or another, he'll turn out to be a jerk or you'll marry then divorce.... then what? Virginity gone, and wasted on a jerk. Divorce rates are over 50% last time I checked. BF-GF break up rates are much higher. We'll descend into another N count debate here and you can find many in this sub.... go read em there are many good pros and cons on the topic to digest.

My opinion is, you save this thing for someone and something that will most likely turn out to be a fantasy that never works out. You're better off (carefully) enjoying yourself and living life while you can.

I'm old.... these puritanical ideas of saving virginity for marriage depends mostly on the delusion marriages last forever.... they don't.

Ok some do. It's rare. In my view saving yourself for marriage wastes your youth for a delusion but.... what do I know.

yourunconscious · 2016-12-18T00:32:42+00:00

Here's some good advice: Your virginity shouldn't matter. If you want a good guy he won't care about that shit. You're setting yourself up.

Fuck a couple of guys get it out of your system and see if you can find a guy who will like you for you who is not a loser and who is willing to be honest with you - but you also have to return the favour and not get upset when he's honest because you need to accept him for who he is as well. Similarly he needs to not be a pussy and accept you for who you are.

You want to go out with someone not an idealised version you've made up of someone.

Nagicman1 · 2016-12-19T15:35:18+00:00

It's okay to be a slut and fuck lots of men, it's okay to save yourself for marriage. But if you want to fuck a lot of men you should not get married because you will be unhappy and will get divorced. Depends on what you value more.

lelease · 2016-12-17T01:57:09+00:00

Opinion from a male:

I think of virginity/purity as a multiplier; it increases the RMV (not SMV) I perceive in a woman by ~50% relative to an otherwise identical "second-hand" woman. From what I've gathered, this is a very minority opinion. Or perhaps it is so offensive to used women that we simply exercise law 38 in the real world.

It sounds like you know what you want and what other people want you to want. I think it'd be stupid to give it up now that you've come this far, but that's just my opinion. If you think it'd be worth the fun, then you should go for it, still plenty of time.

practicewhatyoulearn · 2016-12-17T07:37:13+00:00

Hiya Roseenvy, welcome to RPW! We may be blunt, but we offer solid advice and genuinely want to help <3 I personally can't offer a lot of advice regarding your question here - other than something rare is always valuable. What I can advise without doubt though, is to take a serious look at yourself. This anger is something you need to address - but don't rush, it's something that comes in stages. Feel free to message me if you want to talk or rant though <3

Willow-girl · 2016-12-17T13:34:07+00:00

If you value your virginity, stick to your guns and don't give it up until you find the right guy! It's your prerogative to play your cards however you please. Tell your friends to bug off.

Also, you can be knowledgeable without necessarily being experienced. Pick up a couple of good sex primers -- "The Joy of Sex" being a classic one -- and familiarize yourself with some moves. Explore your own body; learn what turns you on and get comfortable in your own skin.

RedStoic gave good advice on learning how to vet a man and avoid the players. Also, don't be too quick to criticize a guy for being willing to pick up the tab for a date -- I would expect a traditionally-minded man to act that way. It's just good manners, not necessarily a case of trying to buy your favors (unless he's doing something unusual, like wanting to buy you jewelry right off the bat!).

Nyquil-Junkie · 2016-12-17T17:31:51+00:00

I feel I should have jumped on the dick so I could appease a man better in the future.

Bad bad idea. You jump the dick because YOU want to and for YOUR enjoyment not so you can be well schooled in sex moves for someone else down the road.

Thats like me saying well, I want to drive across country because someday I will have to drive someone else there and I want to know how to drive well. Yeah, no. Drive to enjoy the drive, experience is a secondary benefit. If you keep planning on pleasing someone else as your motivator for stuff as important as sex, you'll end up as a doormat.

Banincoming · 2016-12-19T09:06:02+00:00

If your friends offer you any apples, don't take them.

genuine_feminist · 2016-12-28T12:22:45+00:00

I made an account to comment here. I was in the same boat as you. I had sex for the first time at 24 and went through a lot of the same emotions you are. Luckily, my family is from a red pill culture so I never felt ashamed around them, sisters, cousins, friends, etc. from my culture, because it is the norm for girls to wait until they get married. Around American people my age I felt ashamed. Don't talk about it with people. You may have to reevaluate what settungs you spend time in and who with. A couple things I learned after losing my virginity is that I was right all along in having high standards for my future and not to settle, as well as the fact that men (even "good guys") are very driven by desires and will lie and say they love you to have sex. So I personally would wait a few months before I had sex with a new guy and he has to meet all my standards. I can say so much more...It's very frustrating, I know. You can PM me. Invest in yourself and find a passion to distract you. Don't tell guys you are a virgin right off. Make sure he is a MAN who meets your criteria and one whom you trust. A respectful guy will respect that you are a virgin. It sounds like your social group is not going to help you cultivate red pill traits. I wish you the best. It's hard finding traditional friends, I know. If you live in an area with a lot of international people/immigrants, try to make friends with people from more conservative cultures. I also wanted to add that you have very extreme, black and white thinking about sex. I did too, so totally get it. Try to work on that. What a lot of girls do is waste their time in dead end relationships and dont marry that person. My view is that if I dont see a potential future husband in a guy that wants to date me, I won't encourage him or accept his advances.

TheRedStoic · 2016-12-17T13:04:28+00:00

The high points:

don't worry about being inexperienced. He'll love teaching you, it's just another fun dominant romp added into the mix.
don't listen to other women. It's your life, you protect what you feel you should. They're most likely intimidated by their own value slipping. Crab barrel mentality.
focus that time and energy on building your other values. Stay fit, stay fashion sensitive while being classical. Build healthy feminine habits. Bring even more to the table than being a virgin.

The mid points:

virginity is gold platinum super standard for an alpha committing to you. I promise you this. I am only willing to commit to virgins. Period.
if you feel ashamed a toy and some porn will teach you everything you'd want to know about form and function. You don't have to lower your value at all.

The low points:

yes many girls will give you shit for it. Vagueness can help you avoid the social pressure. Ask yourself, if you do as everyone else does, would you be a millionaire? No. They have very different and glaring habits. You're doing the same for your rmv. That doesn't make it easy.
learn everything you can from the women here about vetting properly. Lurk in trp to see what tactics are used to pull the wool over people's eyes. (Though in all honesty, it's rare for a red guy to do that to a virgin. That's as close to a unicorn as can be found).

Title	New to red pill (Virgin, 20, Woman)
Author	Roseenvy
Upvotes	11
Comments	27
Date	December 17, 2016 12:31 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5irrik/new_to_red_pill_virgin_20_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/new-to-red-pill-virgin-20-woman.86740 https://theredarchive.com/post/86740

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