RPW approach to drug abuse

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-03-31T16:38:37+00:00

You do not submit to someone with an active addiction. Of course you can't make up for what's going on. Laura Doyle even says in her book not to submit to someone with an active addiction because the principles will not work properly.

crimsonrpw · 2017-03-31T21:18:41+00:00

However, his drug use (aka addiction to heroin) prevented him from living a "normal" lifestyle and when he is not clean, I can't help but think I deserve better. When he is using and in withdrawal, he is not the high-value man I want to marry and procreate with. The contrast between him being sober and in active addiction is very bold and unhealthy for the both of us.

Yikes yikes yikes yikes. Don't ever get into a relationship with an addict. This never ends well. If you want to be with him, leave him now and get back together when he's been clean for a long time (as in, not months but years). But at 21, you are far too young to put your life on hold for a man who may never sort his own life out, and certainly far too young to lash yourself to a sinking ship. Don't wait for him to prove himself, because it may never happen, and frankly, if you stick by him, he has no motivation to do so. Leave him and see if he gets clean on his own accord, and comes back to you.

Let me say as someone who is a close blood relation of an addict. This is not who you want to marry. An addict can be a good, kind person who you love very much. They almost certainly have a pain or trauma they are trying to cope with via substances, and you can understand and empathise with that strongly. They can be successful and very high-functioning, and they may do a good job of hiding and compartmentalising their addiction so it barely seems to affect their life, and you're the only one who knows about it. But their addiction is always going to be more important than you are. Their addiction is always going to be more important than their health. It's always going to be more important than their job, than financial stability, than their family, and more important than their children. That is the nature of the disease. It is always the priority, until they beat their addiction - and frankly, most people never do. People will only change because they want to, never because someone else wants to, even if that person is their own partner or child worried about their health. If he is ever going to change, that is going to come from within him, never because of you.

If you stay with him and marry him, you are signing yourself up to years of pain, and your children will carry that pain too. I don't say that out of callousness, I say that out of love. It is unbelievably painful watching someone you love have a substance addiction, as I'm sure you know, and it is only worse pain as that person gets older and the effects on their health and life become more prominent. If you can't jump ship for yourself, please jump ship for the sake of your future children.

teammeli · 2017-03-31T15:20:11+00:00

I've been through this. We are both in recovery but he relapsed when we were living together and it was hell.

When someone is using, the man you fell in love with is gone - and you are left with a shell of a man. In my experience, you cannot trust a using addict. they will lie, steal and manipulate everyone around them. I recommend self care for you and also checking out NarAnon (for loved ones of addicts) and Codependent No Moee by Melody Beattie.

You can't do this for him. If he has been clean before and continues to relapse this is going to be an ongoing pattern and it's gonna get worse and worse. He will lose everything eventually. You need to know when to walk away. Living with a using addict is hell.

Heroin addicts can and do get clean. I did and my life is amazing. There are different ways to achieve recovery and I'm sure he's been around the block a few times with rehabs and detoxes and meetings if this has been an ongoing issue for him.

take care of yourself, have a plan if you need to leave. I had to leave my man for awhile when things got really bad and it was only then that he hit bottom and got his life together. feel free to pm me if you need support or need to talk!

SouthernAthena · 2017-04-01T04:26:02+00:00

I'd say RP view on drug addiction is, absolutely no. Never.

You can't submit to and trust someone who isn't a functional adult. You can't even have a RP relationship when your man is just an aimless, spineless beta, let alone a drug addict. Being beta isn't illegal, fatal, or particularly immoral. Think of how much worse it is to be a drug addict than to be beta. We're the group that would warn you off hopeless mama's boys. What do you think we'll say about an addict?

I'm not saying recovery isn't possible for him, but that should be a prerequisite for a relationship, not a future hope. You should have given him the boot when he started using drugs. He's not himself when he's using, but he is actively choosing this destructive path. Just say no.

Edit: I second what another user said about reading on codependence.

[deleted] · 2017-03-31T16:34:13+00:00

You can't build a life with the man he is half the time. Maybe he will get better and if he does, it will be because he wills into being better. But, don't stay if you can't picture & come to terms with the worst case scenario. If you stay for the best case scenario, know that the probability of your dreams coming true is much much lower as drug addiction is like a force of nature with heavy collateral damage.

HulaEel · 2017-03-31T23:48:13+00:00

The person above is right, I was with a heroin addict for nearly 3 years, thinking I could help him go in the right direction, and he wasn't willing to be honest with himself about the addiction so he would have never been honest with me.. He could be so nice one minute and crazy and verbally abusive and lying the next. He couldn't control who he was and that wasn't anyone's fault but his. He'd say he wanted to get better and he'd lie to me that he was clean but it's pretty obvious once you know what to look for and its not that difficult to tell. Once I left him for good, I had a new appreciation of life and love and am so happy and appreciative of everything in my current relationship. Don't sell yourself short, you have a lot of life ahead of you!

charlotteplusplus · 2017-03-31T15:28:42+00:00

Why is he taking drugs? Drugs are often the symptom of another problem, not a problem by themselves. What is he unhappy with? What has tortured him again these last 2 months?

Rivkariver · 2017-04-03T03:06:14+00:00

His main relationship is with his drug of choice. It will never be you and you do not have the power to make it you.

It will be like the man you love having an affair and being cold and cruel to you, except his mistress is slowly destroying him.

You can walk away and sometimes that is the most loving thing to do.

Ruxette · 2017-05-16T03:54:25+00:00

Run. The lies will ruin your sanity and it all take years to rebuild your trust and let people back into you life.I've been lucky enough to make those steps and I still can't believe how lucky I am.

Title	RPW approach to drug abuse
Author	castawayc
Upvotes	2
Comments	21
Date	March 31, 2017 1:54 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/62lb71/rpw_approach_to_drug_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/rpw-approach-to-drug-abuse.87129 https://theredarchive.com/post/87129

Comments

His main relationship is with his drug of choice. It will never be you and you do not have the power to make it you.