Every living being operates in a to and fro sort of way. We inhale life sustaining oxygen and exhale toxic waste called carbon dioxide when we're done with it. We eat nourishing and nutritious food and dispel toxic fecal waste when we're done with it. Countless examples can be brought of this to and fro rhythm in many areas of our lives. In fact, movement is the sign of life itself and stillness is the sign of death. Everything that's alive, moves in some way or another. These movements express a to and fro rhythm.

Love

Within a marriage, the "to" would be love. Love draws the two of us together. Uniting two individuals into one family unit. This is especially true when these two individuals have a child together, because the essence of both the father and mother are united within the child.

To put this into math - 1+1=? It depends. There are various levels of unity between husband and wife. If 1+1=11, each individual stands alone, it's just that they lead parallel lives. If 1+1=3, there's each individual plus the united couple. If 1+1=2, they've united into a single family unit. If 1+1=1, they're completely and totally united into one being.

This is a cute little math equation I heard from a friend shortly after getting married. I won't over-analyze it, I'll just point out that in all of the equations, the husband and wife are coming together to one degree or another. Each equation expresses a different type of "to", where husband and wife move closer to one another through the loving bond that they share.

Personal space

However, every person needs personal space. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Let's take a look at what it feels like for your spouse to breath on you. If it's during foreplay, it's very enjoyable to most people. But if they're breathing onto your skin all day, you'd go crazy! Why? Because you need your space.

A couple may really enjoy each other's company, but if they spent 24/7 together, they'd likely divorce because there wasn't enough personal space.

As important as it is to come together in love, it's just as important to pull apart for personal space. OTOH, as important as personal space is, so too, it's important to come together and unite through love.

Men and women

Men and women both have both of these needs, we differ in terms of which one of these two needs is primary and which one is secondary. Which one is there to counterbalance the other like exhaling counterbalances inhaling. (Obviously, inhaling is primary, you just can't inhale oxygen indefinitely).

Men - generally speaking - have a greater need for personal space. Men need independence and feel like they're being tied down and lose their freedom when they get married."Manspreading" is a man claiming personal space within a group of people. This isn't always conscious, it's an innate male need. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment because men are much more hesitant to commit, lest they lose their personal freedom!

Women - generally speaking - have a greater need to come together with love. Women crave being married and fear being alone. 15 teenage girls will happily squish onto a single 3 seat couch. Women tend to want to spend a lot of quality time together and to cuddle etc. While men may also enjoy these things, men don't need it nearly as much as women in quantity or quality. A man can go from flaccid to ejaculation in a few short minutes, a woman requires more time, more closeness, more bonding through love.

A healthy balance

A healthy marriage has a balance between the two needs. He gives her the closeness, quality time, attention, listening ear etc that she needs way more than he does. She gives him the personal space, alone time, independence and freedom that he needs more than she does.

Balance must be maintained within the generosity as well.

A man who decides to give to 100% of his time to his wife will destroy his marriage. He will lose his personal identity and personal identity is sexy on a man.

A woman who gives her husband 100% personal space will send him a signal that she doesn't need him. Men need to take care of women. It's sexy for a woman to need her man.

OTOH, if a man gives too little time, she will feel neglected. If a woman gives him too little personal space, he will feel smothered. Balance is key here. Like inhaling and exhaling. Each one in its place.

Conclusion

Harmony is achieved when there's a balance between love and personal space, it's the to and fro which is the lifeblood of your marriage. Taking too much of what you need or giving him/her too much of what they need will throw the whole marriage of kilter and have a disastrous outcome.

Proper balance will lead to loving peace within the home.

Cheers!