Well, it looks like a divorce may be in my near future

ShadowBoogers · 2018-08-23T03:01:22+00:00

Speak to a lawyer before you do anything else. Some quick notes;

-Don't leave the marital home

-Don't give up living with your children

Those two things have a huge impact on the status quo going forward. If she wants to leave, cool, but you and the kids stay in the home.

Record every interaction with her. Get a recording app for your phone, record. Check your state for recording laws, but regardless; record. It may mean the difference between jail time or a fine ( jail time if it's your word against hers, a fine if you are busted for recording without permission ).

Do not, do not, do not put your children in the middle of any disagreements. In fact, at this point start interviewing therapists. I hate to say it, but I have consistently had better luck with male therapists than females; find someone you're comfortable with who works with children of divorce. Get your children going at the earliest possibility. If you think mom will go too, great, if not just you and the kids.

Also; interview coparenting therapists. Again; males. I hate that it sounds sexist, but men really do seem more fair minded than women ( in my experience ). Should not be the same as your kid's therapist.

Why have the kids in therapy now? First of all; it'll be healthy for them throughout the transition, and that's the most important reason. Also; you'll need a third party to call you out on your bullshit ( and hers ), and if it comes to it, someone the court will take more seriously than you if you need it.

The above is overridden by any advice from your lawyer, but this is how I'd start.

TheRealSquirrelGirl · 2018-08-23T00:47:02+00:00

I know a guy who was able to get 50/50, and secure it by agreeing neither could live more than 15 miles from the other.

redhotsausagepants · 2018-08-23T00:58:05+00:00

I do 50 50 care with my kid. 4 days in 4 days off and it roles through the week. It’s hard. And it’s taken a lot of effort to keep it nice and civil.

But we manage.

I think tho the house will be an issue. If you wanna keep it you will have to buy her out and vice versa.

If she has more custody of the kids the house will go to her. Unfortunately that how we get messed over with the system. And if you think it’s on the horizon Well let me say then your partner has been researching. It’s a girl thing. They will plan and set up a breakup were as guys do it then figure out what to do.

It’s a hurtful messy time. Try not to lash out.

Do try put the kids first And not inbetween. And if things get to heated just say that enough for today let’s continue this when we’re cooled off.

Too much mud can be slung both ways. Vent on reddit instead of her.

Best of luck 🍀

kevingrumbles · 2018-08-23T03:14:46+00:00

Don't say things you will regret later, things said in anger can be used against you later.

quijobox · 2018-08-23T04:30:00+00:00

Lawyer up. Don't leave the house/kids. Don't speak to she who shall not be named without an advocate present.

mwobuddy · 2018-08-23T00:48:09+00:00

People on this sub will scaremonger about custody. Women get custody more often primarily because they request it more often. In most places the standard is to reward custody based on who does most of the childcare already (which tends to be women). 50/50 custody tends to be impractical; how do you actually divide that time? It's easier if you wind up living close together, but if you live outside of the same school district in practice the kids have to spend more time with one parent relative to another.

Keeping the house may cost you, alimony-wise, particularly if she can demonstrate any loss in potential career-earnings from having had kids. Otherwise I wouldn't worry too much on that subject, as you make similar incomes. You may be entitled to alimony if she keeps the house, inversely.

If it's reasonably amicable and if possible, seek mediation.

mwobuddy · 2018-08-23T01:00:21+00:00

obligatory. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ckv_Dz-Sio

antifeminist435 · 2018-08-23T04:37:49+00:00

"Is it almost impossible to get 50/50 custody?" --although there is bias, you see here others have success in getting 50/50 custody. The best piece of advice I can give you is from a male divorce lawyer. He said many of the men don't even bother to fight for custody because they think they can't win. If you don't fight for your children, you can't ever get custody. If accusations start flying while you're living together (saying, just in case), audio record it if it is legal.

ThatNinaGAL · 2018-08-23T14:26:21+00:00

If you two both agree that 50/50 physical custody is best, it will be easy to achieve. No lawyer necessary. You will probably not be able to afford to keep the house, bevause two households are far more expensive to maintain than one household. A year from now you will both be living in apartments in the same school district, coparenting successfully.

If she would prefer to have primary physical custody and remain in the home while you move out and pay child support, and she's not a drug addict or a criminal, the judge will likely order that unless somebody makes an effective argument that causes him/her to vary their typical custody routine when young kids are involved.

If you do not get a good lawyer to argue on your behalf, then you are going to end up living in an apartment, paying child support, and seeing your children eight days per month.

HIRE A FUCKING LAWYER.

mwobuddy · 2018-08-23T00:46:18+00:00

Congrats on tossing the harpy to the curb.

Title	Well, it looks like a divorce may be in my near future
Author	TheMeatWhistle45
Upvotes	27
Comments	36
Date	August 23, 2018 12:38 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/99irw7/well_it_looks_like_a_divorce_may_be_in_my_near/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/well-it-looks-like-a-divorce-may-be-in-my-near.895660 https://theredarchive.com/post/895660

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