I still can't find it in me to forgive my parents.

I can't find it in myself to forgive them for being circumcised. I know that some reading might be scratching their heads wondering why this "normal" procedure would get one so upset.

It's because I feel that I am worth less because of it. My whole body was worth less than my parents choice (whim really) than a doctor's want to push their medicine. My whole and intact body was worth less than a perceived bias that a hypothetical future wife would have (despite my girlfriend wishing I was uncut). My whole body was worth so little that any outrage I feel about it is shooed to a corner and I am scolded because DONT I KNOW (despite FGM being illegal) WOMEN HAVE IT WORSE?

My whole body was worth so little that me restoring is met with outrage from my extended family, or in some cases outright fear (that I will ironically hurt my penis). It is worth less than that of my sister, who was adopted form a much poorer country but still was protected from this procedure.

My whole body was worth less than the scapple that was used to cut it because at least the scapple was cleaned and put back on the shelf.

And despite all the best intentions to keep me in the dark about what was done to me, I knew. I knew deep down that I was not born this way.

One of my earliest memories was one when I was 6. I didn't think much of it at the time, but it haunts me today. I would pull my skin up and catch water in it, holding the water in because I found it funny. Even at that age I wondered why my body could "go inside itself" because it felt better that way.

Now after 3 years of restoration I still do not have my whole body. I really wish I did.

If you are reading this and think that me "being so upset about this is evidence of my privileged life." I assure you that it is not.

The pain of me not being whole is a daily throb, like a bruise in the back of my mind. My job, school and other projects are more important, but never as long-lasting.

If you think I am privileged because the worst thing that happened to me was this, do you also think that people with broken arms are privileged, or those without fingers are privileged?

What is the worst thing that happened to you dear hypothetical? were you groped in a bar one time? Did that make you feel sick, used, abused?

Well imagine being groped with a scapple. And imagine having the bouncer tell you that you should be happy about it, because now you can find a shallow beta who you wouldn't want to date anyways.