I feel like I can't be with my wife. When she tells me about how bad women have it, and I retort with how bad men have it, she gets upset and says I'm not hearing her out and just comparing.

xNOM · 2017-01-23T16:57:30+00:00

When most women talk about this shit, they are not interested in communicating facts or information. They are interested only in transmitting feelings and emotions, or eliciting sympathy. It is useless to even try.

EDIT: relevant fact: women are happier than men pretty much everywhere in the world

http://imgur.com/SbbIEsg

https://www.reddit.com/r/mensrightslinks/comments/3phbcu/otherstudy_world_happiness_report_2015_un/

jslnk · 2017-01-23T17:35:28+00:00

I've been married 20 years. It took the first 18 to figure it out, but the last two have been fantastic.

When your wife is talking to you about women being afraid of men, she's not talking to prove a point - she's talking to validate her feelings. You can validate the feeling without validating the "fact" underneath. Tell her it's awful that so many people walk around afraid of their neighbors these days. People - not women. Neighbors- not men.

Men and women talk for different reasons. She may SAY she wants to be treated like a man, but she doesn't. Men want facts and solutions. Women want feeling and validation. When women have these conversations with their intimate partners, they are often more interested in whether you "support" them rather than whether you agree with them. It's a love test.

It sounds like your wife is pretty open to the problems that men face. Playing the "who has it worse" game is not helping your relationship.

mikesteane · 2017-01-23T18:19:57+00:00

Be careful, she might find and frame your difference of opinion as a kind of abuse and hold it against you in a serious manner. You being wrong and uncaring sounds like the start of a threat narrative. The road is not far from there to you being scary and threatening.

It is often a method of power and control to pin the subject on how something affects women and declare any men's perspective to be derailment. It relies on your attention span not lasting long enough to later on add a men's perspective.

Consider paying very good attention. Perhaps record, summarize and add notes. Consider the woman's perspective and discuss it. Now comes the true test. Bring the topic back up at another time and add the men's perspective. Her reaction now determines whether her sole focus on women is a method of power and control. The usual response can be "oh my god, you are bringing that up just to talk about men" or "that was a women's issue" instead of the derailment accusation.

She might be very upset if you do this because it means your gears kept turning, but not solely on churning the information she wanted you to focus on.

My guess here is that regardless of how you act. Regardless of that you wait your turn and consider and discuss the perspective she presents while keeping to her framing. She simply will not hear your perspective.

My friend I think you are being manipulated. Women know the best way to frame a subject in your mind is to make sure that when you veer away from that, even having waited your turn, is to spring out that you are wrong and uncaring, making her frustrated and maybe even making her scared. This is to make you feel guilty and protective of her, which is only a natural and easily abused response in you. Your good nature can be your undoing. Take care.

beekr427 · 2017-01-23T22:22:53+00:00

I agree with /u/jslnk. Who cares about who has it worse. We men fighting here at "Men's Rights", don't need to become the victims. At least, that's not why I'm here. I'd like TRUE equality. There are things that suck about being a woman. Some are legitimate concerns that we as people have to correct, and there are some thing we can't correct. The problem lies when there is no recognition of the other side. There are things that suck about being a man. Some are legitimate concerns that we as people have to correct, and there are some thing we can't correct.

I don't want to tell women that they don't have any problems in life. I'm just tired of the "men are oppressing us" and "men have it so much easier" rhetoric. This doesn't sound like what your wife is saying.

Also, I'd be cautious of making your marriage stand on something so trivial. In another reply, you said things are great, she works hard, etc. If she's that great, then don't split over her being "stupid" as you put it, on these kind of issues. Or you'll be proving her right by not sticking it out, whether she's being a b**** or not. Try to see past it and not let the bad thing in the relationship be the only thing you see. Particularly with a kid.

Ibster · 2017-01-23T17:06:53+00:00

I don't envy your position. Agree to disagree and just don't talk about the subject anymore. Only broach it if you feel she's going too far and letting her beliefs impact you or your son.

I understand it does suck and I had a similar issue a while back where, after a few drinks, I aired my MRA stances and questioned feminist narrative (muslims are good, circumcision is ok, wage gap etc). A few of the people I was sitting with got annoyed with me and we debated (mostly ending at me asking them for non-anecdotal evidence) and a few called me names before asking if I wanted another pint. We're good friends and we came to the conclusion that it was better to leave it than fight over something neither of us would back down from.

Disclaimer: I'm not married and I've not had any long term relationships.

contractor808 · 2017-01-23T16:04:13+00:00

Sounds like you guys have other problems, dude...

shlobbybox · 2017-01-24T03:21:25+00:00

Jesus Christ. Same bullshit with my last "relationship". I was going to marry her. But she realized it was easier to join the fem-club and go find a little bitch-boy to kick around instead of having a man who challenges her once in a while.

These women never cared about politics and now suddenly they all wanna join the feminist club and harangue their men about some garbage they're regurgitating from Facebook, and fuck up their relationships with good, caring men. They wanna walk around and talk tough and act like they know everything, with their liberal arts degree and job waiting tables. Ok lady.

Bleh. I don't have an opinion on these women anymore. They really need to stop. The only way is to wake other men up and just leave them, find better women somewhere else. I'm doing my part as a guy in his 30's.

Silence means they win.

Apexbreed · 2017-01-23T17:14:45+00:00

Stop engaging with her like that. It's a battle that no one can win. When she says dumb feminist crap, just agree and amplify (hell yeah babe, women have zero rights in a man's world), laugh, then move along. The marriedredpill sub has a lot of tactics for dealing with the insanity of our female counter parts. Go read their side bar, especially about how to pass shit tests.

In the meantime, stop engaging with her. I couldn't convince you thay the earth is flat, could I?

geniice · 2017-01-23T22:15:54+00:00

She also says that women "Can't join jobs like construction, because of the men there". There's so much cognitive dissonance I can't take it.

Thats not cognitive dissonance. Its an accurate discription of the work culture of certian construction companies.

What do I do?

Become a more interesting person and thus have more things to talk about.

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