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Woman dumps husband to work in an illegal immigrant camp. Then has affair with an Afghan man. BBC make her out to be a hero.

Consilio_et_Animis

October 30, 2016
164 upvotes
/r/MensRights
http://archive.is/iPnrA
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Title Woman dumps husband to work in an illegal immigrant camp. Then has affair with an Afghan man. BBC make her out to be a hero.
Author

Consilio_et_Animis

Upvotes 164
Comments 51
Date October 30, 2016 2:38 AM UTC
(9 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/5a43ky/woman_dumps_husband_to_work_in_an_illegal/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/woman-dumps-husband-to-work-in-an-illegal.938654
https://theredarchive.com/post/938654
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Comments

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points51 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I'd bet she's being played for a visa.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It couldn't happen to a nicer person.

[–]TejrnarG 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Beautiful! xD

[–]mikesteane 24 points25 points26 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

"Self-funded"; could do with more information on this aspect. Reminds me a good deal of that woman who divorced her banker husband to join the anti-wall street protest in the US.

[–]franklindeer 50 points51 points52 points 9 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

"There have been times when I have put Calais before everything, before my children, before my work, before my family. And this has a knock-on effect on everyday living.

Wow, what a hero. /s

[–]AgingAluminiumFoetus 16 points17 points18 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

Could that be considered child abuse?

[–]Bittlegeuss 15 points16 points17 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Neglect, not abuse.

[–]franklindeer 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It's not neglect either in the legal sense. It's just bad parenting.

[–]TejrnarG 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Guess ture. Anyway, I guess the dad and the kid are better of without her anyway - if the father got the kid, that is. (I pledge guilty of not reading the whole story here)

[–]AgingAluminiumFoetus 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Is neglect not a form of child abuse?

[–]Bittlegeuss 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

It is passive abuse yes, I don't know where it stands legally though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Only really counts as abuse if the suffering caused by the neglect is severe as far as I know.

[–]Bittlegeuss 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Ah like malnutrition, health care and such.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

yeah, stuff along those lines usually.

[–]xNOM 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes.

https://www.reddit.com/r/mensrightslinks/comments/302cg5/dvipvgovernment_child_maltreatment_2013_us_dept/

[–]franklindeer 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No. It's not good parenting IMO, but it's not abuse since the other parent is around and presumably looking after the wellbeing of the children.

[–]christianbrowny 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Any more than soldiers leaving there family's ?

[–]emperorhirohito 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, people make an incredibly difficult, dangerous and illegal journey to get to the calais camp. What we absolutely should be doing is encouraging people to continue doing that.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Question, if she left him first, how is that an affair? I mean she sounds like a bitch but I'm wondering how it's an affair if they're no longer together

[–]andejoh 6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Are there no women and children in the camp? It seems it's only teen boys and men she "befriends". That gives me that weird prison rape type feeling.

[–]LtLabcoat 7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Are there no women and children in the camp?

No, the Calais camp consisted entirely of people that have travelled the full length of the continent and want to get into the UK. The usual strategy is to send the strongest of the family - the young adult male, if there is one - to go and get registered as a refugee in a rich and opportunistic (or at least, what the Middle East hears of as rich and opportunistic) country while the rest of the family register in the closest one they have, then get relocated over via international law saying refugee families always get to be reunited.

So yeah, nearly all young men.

[–]485075 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

That and because it's often young men who are capable and willing to risk taking such a journey.

[–]mitzibishi 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice catch, always young boys and men mentioned.

[–]LtLabcoat 14 points15 points16 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

Hold on, hold on...

...are people in this thread really complaining that two people - who, as the article states, already had strains in their marriage - getting divorced because of a major disagreement about working in an immigrant camp is an inherently bad thing? What the hell, guys? I don't want to current year this, but we're well past the point where getting divorced is something shameful that needs to be avoided at all costs! They can get divorced if they goddam want to, whether the reason is "One person doesn't approve of the other's charity work" or "One person doesn't approve of the other's taste in ice cream".

And no, she did not have an affair (or, at least, the article doesn't give us a reason to believe so). When you're divorced, whatever comes after is, by definition, not an affair anymore.

Edit: and since it seems to be coming up a lot too: no, she did not abandon her children. She goes over once a fortnight, that is a completely acceptable amount of time for a parent to spend doing something they want to. Geez, you guys make it sound like a parent doing any charity work at all is a heinous offence!

[–]coginamachine 15 points16 points17 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Not at all. Everyone is entitled to spend their time doing whatever they want so long as it's legal. However, if you choose to have children and then not just put other people above them but to tell the world, including your kids that they do not come top of your list. Then you have opened yourself up to criticism. Reading the Article and direct quotes from the woman it seems she is unable to compromise. Her husband has seen it, her kids will see it when they grow up and look back at how mum put strangers in front of them. And at some point when she is old and alone she will see it herself.

If this were a man abandoning his wife and family society would be making sure he was working as much as possible to support his kids and he certainly wouldn't be getting portrayed as a hero by the press.

[–]LtLabcoat 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

However, if you choose to have children and then not just put other people above them but to tell the world, including your kids that they do not come top of your list.

That part's a fine objection. It's not something I'd personally disagree with (maybe if she didn't say she's only sometimes done that I might object more), but it's certainly still controversial either way. But that's a minority of the complaints here, and the others are far more ridiculous.

If this were a man abandoning his wife and family society would be making sure he was working as much as possible to support his kids and he certainly wouldn't be getting portrayed as a hero by the press.

Also (presumably) true. But also not what people are talking about here.

[–]christianbrowny -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah she said she SOMETIMES puts her charity work before her kids soo she must be a bad mother.

Men who "abandon" there family's alot longer than for once a fortnight;

Soldiers, explorers, sailors, reporters, aid workers, oil rig workers, astronauts,

Also sure I could find examples where the pressure of those jobs caused divorces and the men went on to find love through there work. The bastards. s

[–]coginamachine 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Are they portrayed as hero's? Show me an article where one of these men has split up their family in favour of volunteering / work etc and been flagged in the same light as this woman. That is the point I'm making.

[–]dungone 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

two people - who, as the article states, already had strains in their marriage

We've only heard one person's side of the story, and boy was it a doozie. Can you say with any confidence that the husband was doing anything that could be construed as putting strain on the marriage? The impression that I got is that this disaster for the husband and children was probably the sole handiwork of this woman and her unrealistic attitudes.

[–]LtLabcoat 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Can you say with any confidence that the husband was doing anything that could be construed as putting strain on the marriage?

What I can say is that healthy marriages don't suddenly end because one person wants to spend more time doing charity work now and again (and I do mean 'now and again', I don't know where people got the impression this is a full-time thing). I'm not saying that it must mean her husband's also partly responsible, but there's definitely way more than just this.

[–]dungone 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

What I can say is that healthy marriages don't suddenly end

You're begging the question. Marriages don't have problems apart from the actions of one or more of the people involved.

This story has all the hallmarks of someone in a marriage making selfish, unilateral decisions to the detriment of her husband and children. If she behaved this way even earlier, it does not excuse her from being a shitty person now.

I don't know where people got the impression this is a full-time thing

She got divorced to do this and has sunk thousands of dollars into it - money that her own family will never see. She neglected her husband and her own children by her own admission. She's had strange men living with her for 8 months straight and now she's "in love" with one of them. It's obviously a full time thing. If it wasn't a full time thing, there would have been no need for a divorce.

[–]LtLabcoat 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

She got divorced to do this and has sunk thousands of dollars into it - money that her own family will never see.

Oh no! She's spending her own money on charity! How horrible!

She neglected her husband and her own children by her own admission.

Oh...no? I mean, she didn't actually. People are quoting that one "Sometimes I cared more about helping the asylum seekers than my own family" line,

She's had strange men living with her for 8 months straight and now she's "in love" with one of them.

Oh c'mon, this isn't even a downside! What do you have against living with strangers?

If it wasn't a full time thing, there would have been no need for a divorce.

You flipped very fast from "Let's not make assumptions about the divorce, we only heard one side of the story" to "Let's assume that the reason for the divorce was contained entirely in this one article".

...

(Seriously though, accusing her of being anti-family because she donates to charity is downright deplorable.)

[–]dungone 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh no! She's spending her own money on charity! How horrible!

It was her family's joint assets. This is why money usually get split 50/50 in a divorce. She doesn't work in a high-earning profession so it's also likely that she was mooching off of her husband's income while dumping thousands into her new lifestyle.

Oh...no? I mean, she didn't actually.

She did, actually. She literally got divorced.

Oh c'mon, this isn't even a downside! What do you have against living with strangers?

She's a mother with young children who left them to shack up with strange men. Calling her a "deadbeat" would be an understatement.

You flipped very fast from "Let's not make assumptions about the divorce, ..."

That's not how this works. We already know she is a shitty person by her own deeds and her own admission. There's nothing left to assume about that. What we can't assume is that there were actually any problems in the marriage prior to this, rather than just a shallow rationalization that she uses to justify the destruction of her family.

[–]Returnofthemack3 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

...carl?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Words fail me to describe the dumbness of this cunt.

[–]Rockbottom503 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Why do they always try and paint these lunatics in a positive light??

[+]bougabouga -27 points-26 points-25 points 9 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

she's doing volunteer work, so yes she can absolutely be called a hero for that. She also mentions how her relationship was already pretty much over.

Also OP, I don't think you can have an affair if you are single.

[–]franklindeer 21 points22 points23 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

She mentions it in the same breath as the following:

"There have been times when I have put Calais before everything, before my children, before my work, before my family. And this has a knock-on effect on everyday living."

These are not adult kids, these are children under the age of eight and she's spending massive amounts of family resources and huge chunks of time volunteering in a dangerous tent village in France. That she openly admits putting her volunteer work ahead of her own children is pretty fucked up to be honest, especially young kids.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No, she's no hero. Abandoning the people you're supposed to care about to play games she should have played in her 20s if she wanted to play them, is not heroic.

If I abandon my wife and child to go play Peace Corps, nobody would call me a hero for doing it.

[–]Consilio_et_Animis[S] 26 points27 points28 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Big deal. Cry me a river.

The title of the piece is "I divorced my husband to work in the Jungle".

Yeah, like she made some "sacrifice" and did a "brave thing".

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points21 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

Yes her marriage was over after getting jungle dick during her volunteer work and refusing to help raise her kids, instead insisting to go back to get some side dick.

[–]LtLabcoat -2 points-1 points0 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

and refusing to help raise her kids

?????

That's not anywhere in the article.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Not being on the same continent....can't help tuck the kids in, make lunches, help with homework from another country.

[–]LtLabcoat 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

...Okay, which part's confusing you: that you missed that the article says she only goes once or twice a month, or that she's divorced and would only have shared custody of the kids? Because there's simply no way her trips are interfering with her parenting.

Not being on the same continent

I cannot believe how badly you messed up your geography.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Isn't Wales, where she lives, on a different land mass than France where she volunteers? And once or twice a month, 2-3 days at a time, can be quite disruptive to family life especially if the husband works and is unable to care forthe kids during work hours when the wife is suppossed to be home. Also, a quote from the article..."There have been times when I have put Calais before everything, before my children, before my work, before my family. And this has a knock-on effect on everyday living."

[–]LtLabcoat 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Isn't Wales, where she lives, on a different land mass than France where she volunteers?

Yes, the UK is an island. But it's still on the same continent. Wales is most definitely a part of Europe.

Plus, it's less than 6 hours to get from South Wales to France via car. If something comes up, it's not hard to get back.

especially if the husband works and is unable to care forthe kids during work hours when the wife is suppossed to be home

That is literally the worst reason I have ever heard for saying a part-time mother should stay home even when her kids are with the father. In fact, even when they were still together it would've been a rubbish reason! Parents don't have to lock themselves to their houses and never leave, you know.

"There have been times when I have put Calais before everything, before my children, before my work, before my family. And this has a knock-on effect on everyday living."

Are you angry that there's been times when she didn't put her kids first and foremost? Or are you angry that she's just admitting to it? Because if it's the former, I have bad news about every parent there is. Again: parents do not have to lock themselves in their house.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Being gone for days at a time, unless sick or infirm, when you have kids is horrible parenting.

[–]mitzibishi 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

There are no lunches, she spent all the money on her little sex tours.

[–]mitzibishi 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Doesnt help when she is taking chunks out of the bank to fund these little jaunts to help these people, or should we say these men. She never mentions women and children.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"There have been times when I have put Calais before everything, before my children, before my work, before my family. And this has a knock-on effect on everyday living."

Yeah, a real hero. But not as heroic as you, White Knight.

[–]double-happiness 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

she's doing volunteer work, so yes she can absolutely be called a hero for that.

Well to be fair, not all volunteers are heroes, it depends what you are volunteering for, take for instance the Ulster Volunteer Force!

Also, she already had a job working in a residential care home for young people and children, what about them?

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