This place is not offering me the sense of community and friendliness it promised.I feel alienated.

soalone34 · 2016-01-17T04:01:02+00:00

Chill, don't take Internet comments so seriously. Some people tend to be overtly harsh or focus in on pointless mistakes.

OTTMGTOW · 2016-01-17T04:22:41+00:00

Sorry to be a dick.... But come on man. It's the internet. People say mean things. Offense can only be taken, not given. It's fine to have feelings and to express them. If you can't handle the way the internet makes you feel, out the mean people on the internet.... I have a suggestion: unplug. None of it matters in the end. Go live a happy prosperous life and don't rely so much on the opinions of anonymous strangers on Reddit. This seems more like a you issue than a subreddit issue.

Edit: auto correct sucks

DavidByron2 · 2016-01-17T03:49:33+00:00

If my opinions are beat on by the ones who are fight for my rights with me,then my rights aren't worth fighting for.

Yeah that's an absurd statement.

This isn't a safe space and we don't all have to pretend to agree like the cultish feminist websites.

Sorry you're feeling down. Winter's bad for depression.

actingverystrangely · 2016-01-17T03:58:36+00:00

I don't think that any sub reddit is a 'safe space'. Anyone can down vote you or disagree with you. I think I can understand that as long as men have their own spaces women-only spaces would be fine.

But that requires us to act as if things are as they should be as opposed to how they are. The closing down of male only spaces is not a series of unrelated coincidences.

There is an old joke about an Irishman being asked for directions, and he replies "Well I wouldn't start from here!" My suggestion? Propose how men might create or lobby for male-only spaces. Be constructive about the what and the how.

I value your opinion, but the internet is a robust space, there are people with strong opinions who feel passionate about issues, and not everyone will agree with you all the time. I hope you stay :-)

TDCRedPill · 2016-01-17T03:49:37+00:00

I just wanted to be accepted somewhere.

You'll find it easier when you're accepting of others. We're not clones, not an amorphous hive mind. Our singular thread here is the belief that there are rights men should have. In other aspects we will disagree, but should be able to discuss. Some believe in separate but equal, some believe separate at all is to be avoided. Some are PUA, some MGTOW, some RedPill, and most are just men running the same rat race we all are.

You can be welcome and accepted, and most likely are, but I can guarantee you we will not agree on everything. We're teammates with a common purpose, not vat grown clones.

Hamakua · 2016-01-17T05:29:59+00:00

I just wanted to be accepted somewhere.

...

What do you mean by accepted? There is an "old" meme "lurk moar" meaning to not participate in a community until you have observed it for a while so you first see if its for you and then if it is for you to gain the understanding and vibe of that community. In lurking and passively paying attention you learn what does and does not "fly".

The thing about this community is that it generally doesn't passive aggressively sticky overly sensitive posts as some sort of... I don't know what, hand holding coaching lesson on subreddit friendliness?

If you look to the right of this page it will show you your post's "health", currently it's at 40%. I suspect most of that is because this is an obnoxious and stupid post to sticky in the forum. Not your post itself but because a mod took it and decided to use it as an example and a ? lesson/criticism to all of the "meanies" out there who didn't hand hold.

Now, as far as you looking for a place to fit in or belong, the "lurk moar" lesson is still an important one. Generally speaking communities don't (and shouldn't) change greatly to accommodate new members who might find some of the normal attitudes and etiquette "problematic". Being accepted is tied directly to how you fit in with an already established culture in a given community.

Honestly it sounds like you are emotionally sensitive for some reason. I'm not attacking that or saying it's wrong, but in general that isn't what this community is about. I don't know your situation but I would recommend that you find a real life family member or friend to talk to about your emotions. If you have no family or friends you can talk to this means you need to talk with a professional - and there is no shame in that.

One of the cornerstones of this subreddit... or at least what was one of the cornerstones is that it's a very unfiltered community. It's very hard to get banned here and not because anything goes- but because "we" (used to? WTF mods, no, really) believe a message or challenge should succeed or fail on its merits alone and the up/downvote button is more than enough to sort that out.

Moderation (normally?) is reserved for dealing with issues that are either breaking Reddit rules or circumventing the up/downvote process (usually spam).

To summarize

Fitting in or belonging to a community has far more to do with how you can fit in with them than it does having them change to accommodate you.
Learn to lurk and learn a community first before jumping in - I actually really liked your comic submission.
This particular community isn't structured around nor designed to specifically help individuals emotionally on a 1 to 1 basis - there are exceptions (distraught, divorced, etc) - but it's not the rule.
The very "essence" of this particular subreddit actually isn't that conducive to emotional nurturing - it's too unfiltered
You should be talking with a friend or family member about your emotions in this respect and/or a professional. No shame in it.
Don't take banter/ criticism, vote scores or even my own post personally.

WTF mods, why the hell is this stickied? Are we going to start having little post it notes left on the refrigerator now?

Ekat_clan · 2016-01-17T05:10:37+00:00

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it seems like you actually need someone to talk to rather than focusing on reddit.

Ekat_clan · 2016-01-19T03:14:25+00:00

I'm siding with ekat_clan on this one. This subreddit has not proven to be a place of discussion. I'm one of those people that is never 100% on anyone's side; I have my own brain and it tends to do insane things like formulate opinions rather than regurgitate them. As such, while I mostly agree with many of the topics that get posted here, I don't agree with them all, and sometimes I only partially agree.

I was under the foolish understanding that it was okay for me to state what those opinions were. I've found that to be untrue; it seems that the moderation team is okay letting people act like bullies and trolls, with no recourse. Am I surprised that a troll/bully replied to me? No. Am I surprised that no one has done anything about it for several days? Kinda. Enough to put me off subscribing to the subreddit. And since this is pretty much the place to find stories and discussions about men's rights, it's a bit sadly telling how much success we can ever hope to have.

mwobuddy · 2016-01-17T03:57:45+00:00

Not everyone is going to agree with your opinion. This is adulthood.

azazelcrowley · 2016-01-17T04:16:47+00:00

What do you think could be done to make the space more welcoming? I'll point out that your comment there is highly upvoted.

ifelsedowhile · 2016-01-17T09:51:16+00:00

the lack of meta-comunication on the internet can make you perceive as hostile certain comments who are just neutral.

DougDante · 2016-01-17T11:44:57+00:00

I just wanted to be accepted somewhere.

You're accepted.

They treated me like my opinions didn't matter.One person held a competent convo with me,but that was it.

People can be nicer, but you had your disagreement.

Try posting a dissenting opinion in a feminist subreddit, and see how fast you'll be censored.

That's not being accepted.

Tedesche · 2016-01-22T00:19:13+00:00

Whenever you go against the mainstream opinion on any sub, that sub's user base is going to lambast you. This isn't particular to this sub or even Reddit—it's just a fact of sociology and group thinking.

Don't take it personally. Expect it. Go against the grain, and you're going to get downvotes and a ton of insulting comments. I voice unpopular opinions on Reddit all the time, despite this. At least this sub doesn't ban people for it like most feminist subs do.

ThePigmanAgain · 2016-01-17T07:43:26+00:00

It's the internet -- if this is the worst that has happened today, it's been a pretty good day.

Also...

Links to other subreddits must use NP format ("np" in place of "www").

Title	This place is not offering me the sense of community and friendliness it promised.I feel alienated.
Author	Ekat_clan
Upvotes	0
Comments	51
Date	January 17, 2016 2:51 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/41boll/this_place_is_not_offering_me_the_sense_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/this-place-is-not-offering-me-the-sense-of.958357 https://theredarchive.com/post/958357

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