Today I Lost My Daughter, Because I 'Must Be A Pedophile'

HotZone_ · 2015-10-04T05:30:05+00:00

The fact that even MRA's are labelling you a creep shows just how far pedo-hysteria has gone. We now know that -- despite what feminists claim -- fathers and father figures are absolutely vital to the healthy development of children, male or female. I see nothing in your story that would indicate some sort of unsavoury or prurient desire. There's an old saying that "children keep us young." It is incredibly damaging to both children and men (and ultimately women) that non-fathers (and plenty of fathers as well) can no longer enjoy the company of children and vice versa without people projecting their own weird preoccupations onto the rest of us.

Johnny-Planet · 2015-10-04T09:24:52+00:00

I'm so sorry about your (and your young relative's) situation. And some of the responses here have been absolutely shameful. This thread is actually a pretty accurate summary of the problems you are facing right now 'in the real world.'

Society has become poisoned with these toxic attitudes. Men suffer. Children lose out. Society as a whole suffers. Its disgusting. I don't blame feminism (like some other posters) for this mess though - in a way I can understand that people are suspicious and on the defensive, with all these high profile abuse stories in the media.

So what do you do? You need to contact social services urgently and get them involved in protecting this vulnerable child. Let them take the lead in going forward, not these poisonous relatives.

Having said that, I'd be more careful about the language you use. She isn't your 'daughter.' You're still very young yourself, so might be a little bit naive - but statements like this could give the wrong impression.

Good luck!

WhyPrevent · 2015-10-04T06:02:30+00:00

Don't ever tell the story this way to anyone face to face or with your own name. "Love", "cuddling", little girls and male persons don't go together well in our modern culture.

WhyPrevent · 2015-10-04T06:03:30+00:00

I know where you're coming from. this is one reason (of many) why I refuse to have kids. your role is to bring home the money and give it to your wife to spend on whatever. get too involved and they throw you to the curb. just be happy that you've learned this lesson before you got married and then divorce and your wife takes the kids from you all over again. now you'll be wise enough to avoid that from ever happening. what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

chocoboat · 2015-10-04T07:48:35+00:00

OP I'm sorry that you had to face accusations like that just because of your gender. If you had been a woman, nothing harmful would have ever come to their minds. They would have been happy for you both, and glad that Emily has someone she can trust.

However, I find it very strange for you to call her your daughter, and I'd say the same if you were a woman. She lost her parents, she lives with her grandmother. You are not her father and she isn't your daughter. Even if you're not doing anything wrong, the way you tell the story makes me wonder about you... and maybe you have the same effect on your family members.

Vanriel · 2015-10-04T07:45:55+00:00

There is nothing wrong with a male showing children affection. I do exactly the same with my nephew and my nieces, and have been told by them that i spend more time with them than their mother who just does what the hell she wants to and leaves them to get on with stuff.

Im sorry you're having to go through this, and i wish you and Emily all the best!

nick012000 · 2015-10-04T11:04:19+00:00

Hey, OP, have you talked to a lawyer about this, yet? If you haven't, you really should, as soon as possible. A lot of states have laws where men can be declared to have assumed the role of father (usually so that the state can collect child support payments from them); you might be able to get those laws to actually work in your favor.

matmannen · 2015-10-04T07:30:14+00:00

Best coure of action? Go to social services, releave her grand mother and parents of their Gaurdianship (to the sound of it this should habve been done long ago) and request to adopt. They might try to say that you are a pedophile, but in the end they are the ones shot up of heroin...

wanderer779 · 2015-10-04T14:44:26+00:00

I think this girl is a pawn in a game between adults. My sense is you are doing the right thing by backing out because you are outgunned here and could end up in prison. These attitudes need to change and they are bad for society but you can't do anything about that. Protect yourself. In fact it might not be a bad idea to call in an anonymous tip on the drug use, that way their word is diminished if they ever decide to pursue this. Bonus points if the grandmother and the other family members are there at the same time, kill all those birds with one stone.

It is sad to say but I pretty much avoid kids now unless they are family.. I love kids but there is just too much suspicion and drama anymore. I won't even babysit the children of my girlfriend's friends because I know that if things go south between me and the GF these girls might band together and decide to make an accusation and then it would be the word of one man vs. that of several saintly women. Yep, not going there.

The other day a boy came up to me in the park while I was exercising asking me what I was doing. I practically ran away from this kid, of course he followed me around and his parents started freaking out. I even had an incident once trying to visit my own son at his daycare where they locked me out and closed all the blinds on me.

Shit has gotten crazy. Stay on your toes gentlemen.

cymrich · 2015-10-04T07:20:19+00:00

I used to love being around children but these days I avoid it completely in the US for these types of reasons. I was recently in the philippines though and had a great time with my girlfriend and her 3 year old nieces! it was quite nice to be able to spend time with them, in public, and not be glared at or questioned as if I was molesting them! people frequently came up and asked if they were really twins, but that was about it.

mjsansai · 2015-10-04T07:44:21+00:00

Gilbert O'Suivan wrote the song Clair 1n the eary 1970s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU9fClvdo5s He would babysit for friends and others would mermer abut the relatinship between Gilbert and Clair, listen to the song and read the comments, I hope they are a comfort for you

Kinbaku_enthusiast · 2015-10-04T10:05:00+00:00

I thought I was still on /r/relationships. Say what you want of that sub, but there usually is a lot of good advice on that sub. It's really good at navigating complex relationship combinations.

What strikes me about your post are two things.

You call her your daughter. She is not your daughter. You are not her guardian (yet). I think it's great that you want to take care of someone who has a shitty start surrounding in life, but you have to approach this realistically and sensibly if you want what's best for the kids.
I teach a lot of different group of kids, with various ages. I used to think if a kid hugs me at the beginning of a second lesson that's a good sign I was doing something right. But it's actually a bit strange for a kid to show that much affection to someone almost unknown. It's rather a sign of heavy neglect elsewhere.

Above all, the affection she shows or doesn't show you should not be a matter of importance.

You're the one who's saying you're "heartbroken" and "come find me when you're 18 sweetie". If this really is a kid in need and your interest is strictly parental, you'd fight for her. But what you write raises a couple of red flags in that regard.

2015-10-04T13:21:50+00:00

Dude, I'm 22, and I think at my relatively young age adult-wise, it would be very strange if I acted as an affectionate father figure for a 7 year old girl. I'm sure your intentions are pure...but it just don't look right. And you being only 20...it just makes it look even weirder somehow.

mwobuddy · 2015-10-04T04:52:50+00:00

You're calling her your daughter and she's your cousin.

2015-10-04T09:19:34+00:00

' They told Emily that she 'shouldn't be cuddling with or kissing me.'

to be honest .. Depending on the nature and frequency of this kissing and cuddling - I too, might find it a bit creepy.

She's not getting the love and affection she needs, so she's vulnerable and needy.. And you're giving her what you feel she needs. You may be completely innocent but this would look to many onlookers as classic paedophile grooming.

You want time alone with your 7year old cousin so you can kiss and cuddle IT'S CREEPY DUDE! Your motives may be completely benevolent , but only you can know that.

So you may wanna blame society for casting men as the "bad guys" but you seem way too affectionate .. You know what world you live in. And you know there are real dangers for young girls and boys out there.. Only you know your true intentions,.you can't blame her family for protecting her..

I'm also left wondering how you lost girlfriends over this?

Tomdowney · 2015-10-04T05:08:04+00:00

Sorry Bro, but I read the whole thing and then in the end, you sound like you need professional help. I am a MRA, but I also do not think, or in your case, obsess about your cousin or any other little girl....You really need to come to grips with this or you will spend life in truoble.

WhyPrevent · 2015-10-04T07:03:32+00:00

Am I the only one here who thinks that sort of arrangement is questionable IN THE EXTREME? Everyone else here seems to be just fine with it? Really?

I do not even believe this at all, I think it's a troll post.

The_0bserver · 2015-10-04T08:24:48+00:00

Can't say anything without knowing the other version of things though. Its possible they have a proper viewpoint. :/

I want facts. Not he said/she said.

This is an opinion, and we can't do anything about it. :/

modelsupplies · 2015-10-04T05:30:36+00:00

This has zero relevancy to feminism.

Title	Today I Lost My Daughter, Because I 'Must Be A Pedophile'
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	83
Comments	51
Date	October 4, 2015 4:14 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3nf4bz/today_i_lost_my_daughter_because_i_must_be_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/today-i-lost-my-daughter-because-i-must-be-a.970120 https://theredarchive.com/post/970120

Comments