Clearly by posting on a Men's Rights subreddit, I'm looking for an empathetic audience, but if my story is genuinely something I should get over and move past, please let me know and I'll do my best. The first version of this was shadowbanned (?), so here goes the second try

I've never told anyone this and don't really know how to begin, but -

When I was 13, a girl asked me out. I said yes because I liked her friend, and I was hoping to get closer to her. The girl that asked me out was overweight and unattractive, but it was my first proper date, so I went along to a film with her.

During the film, she put her hands down my pants and was touching and pulling and trying to give me a hand job. I was absolutely terrified, and I couldn't move. I asked her to stop and told her this wasn't the right place, but after five minutes she tried again.

My dad used to hit my mom so I knew I couldn't lay a hand on this girl, so I sat there and I took it, even though I wanted to throw her off. I didn't want to make a scene, I didn't want to look gay and have my friends tease me, I kept telling myself 'I'm supposed to enjoy this, what the fuck is wrong with me?'

I went to the bathroom to try and get myself hard but my penis wouldn't (couldn't) work. I was so afraid and I started shaking and crying, trying to be quiet, so nobody could hear. I went back to the cinema, knowing she'd try again, and the same thing happened for the rest of the movie

Ever since then I've been afraid of sex - every girl I've been with, in the initial stages, has been very frightening, and it's taken a lot of trust before I've been able to relax and enjoy sex. I hate it when girls touch me proactively, and because of this I always have to be in charge.

I feel like this event is still negatively damaging my sex life, and sex is supposed to be fun and safe and enjoyable. I'm in my late twenties and I still can't have one night stands because I'm too afraid of what'll happen, so if I'm not in a long term relationship I am lonely and miserable.

So I guess the point of posting this is -

a) to get it off my chest

b) to try and understand what it was that happened to me

c) to try and find some avenues to move past this

Any discussion, input or advice would be sincerely appreciated, as I'm lost at this stage

TL;DR - a girl my own age did something to me when I was 13 and it's coloured my sex life ever since. Any discussion to help me understand this and address it would be amazing