Setting expectations - splitting the bill. Help!

askmrcia · 2018-06-01T16:26:48+00:00

There is no expectation. If you're going out for drinks. You mention that you will take the first round and she gets the second.

If you and her is only getting one drink then it shouldn't matter if you pay or not. It's only going to be $10.

Now if you're doing dinner then you flat out tell the waitress to split the tab. You should not being doing dinner for a first date anyways. But just in case you are, you can just offer to split the tab.

Say you will handle the food while she handles the drinks.

If they get pissy then you ignore them and continue to split the tab. I had women on a few occasions get pissy at me and I didn't care. If they get pissy then they were looking for a free meal.

Blackhawk2479 · 2018-06-01T13:30:04+00:00

If you’re not interested in another LTR then you should reconsider what you do and where you go for “dates”. Don’t do anything too “relationship-y”.

That said, just confidently say “50/50?” and slide her the bill. Otherwise if at a bar set your expectations before ordering, e.g “you get this one I’ll get the next”.

redpillrobert · 2018-06-01T19:57:00+00:00

im a grown man with a career. the girls i ask out are in college. i'm not gonna make them pay

i do send them on little errands throughout the date though

LeonardoDiDraperBond · 2018-06-01T16:18:11+00:00

I usually hit an atm while walking to the venue with the date. Then when I get the money out I ask her if she needs to get money out as well. That sets up the context for splitting the bill later.

Or if I already have cash I just say 'lets do 50/50' when we get the bill. Never had problems with it.

willowhawk · 2018-06-01T15:59:27+00:00

I get my drink and when the bartender says "anything else?" I say nah.

I've never have a girl call me out on it. One or two give a questioning reaction to which I always reply.

"It's 2018 equality, I'm a feminist yenno" with a smirk that suggests otherwise.

Normally they laugh and enter my frame if they don't then I'm quickly finishing my drink and making my goodbyes because they've already failed my screening.

Peter_B_Long · 2018-06-01T20:02:21+00:00

I don't do dinners on first dates first of all.

If you're out getting drinks, offer to pay the first round and tell her she needs to get the next one. The times I've done this I've gotten positive responses. I paid for the first round and she said that she didn't want another drink but she still ordered me my 2nd one. Another time this girl told me that I could get whatever I wanted when it was her turn to pay (basically saying I didn't have to get a cheap beer).

Try to establish it first before the bill comes so you're not awkwardly staring at each when the bill arrives.

Occasionally when I feel like treating my plates on an actual date, I'll pay the bill and tell them to leave a tip.

About half the girls I take out offer to split the bill.

I had a coffee date with this one girl last year. When we ordered our drinks and it was time to pay, the girl threw her debit card at the cashier and paid for my drink. I literally LOL'd at it and brought it up a few times to neg her.

It also depends on her financial status. One of my first plates had her own place but she worked at a grocery market and didn't make much. Throughout our sexual relationship I think I bought her a total of 3 drinks. Each drink though was well compensated for with sex and submission. In this situation I was making good money and lived at home so I didn't have to pay for rent. I had no problem paying for both of us because I knew she was struggling and that she would actually appreciate it.

MentORPHEUS · 2018-06-01T17:00:48+00:00

I wrote an article about engaging the SMP on a cash basis to address this common issue.

Skittles Man game is much more plausible when both parties are broke college students. It's a volatile method when you're an established business owner or otherwise making much more money than the women you're dating.

Basically, make sure you are getting what YOU want before spending money/time/attention on her.

ybcurious93 · 2018-06-01T21:55:28+00:00

Interesting, girls always offer to split the tab. Regardless of their age. I tend to stick with girls who have jobs so that could be why.

FemtoG · 2018-06-01T22:48:27+00:00

What do you set this expectation and make it happen without being seen as so much of an ass

You literally can't. An ultimatum is an ultimatum, and you must swallow the reality that you can easily get blown the fuck out if you demand this.

It is just a reality you need to swallow, just as you are telling her about a reality that SHE has to swallow to be with you.

walawalawa · 2018-06-02T02:23:57+00:00

Some girls will step up and offer.

In some cases, the girls I'm banging are working as au pair's and have no money so in those cases I don't take them out, I invite them over and get them to cook or the costs involved are a lot less.

In other circumstances before the bill comes I'll say "I'll get this, you get drinks after..."

Otherwise I go to really cheap places and have a drink and play pool which doesn't cost me much at all and then i gauge whether I want to bang or see this girl again.

friendandadvisor · 2018-06-02T02:33:21+00:00

To me, it's a "if you invite, you pay" kind of thing.

Sure, feminism and all of that, but, you DID the inviting. Now, you may say "I don't pay for my bros", but, let's be real: you don't want to sodomize your bros, either. You aren't 'paying for their company/pedestalizing them/etc...' you are working to get the chick chilled; throwing any surprises that show you look at it as a business arrangement doesn't seem right, to me.

If you aren't down for big expense, do the smart thing: cheap dates, i.e., coffee, walk in the park, etc... until you start having sex with her.

AdmCP · 2018-06-01T15:25:26+00:00

Imho there is no easy way out.

The guy pays. Any decent woman which was interested in me started paying our bills too or at least offered to pay at the second or third date. Kind of a thing of manners and respect in my experience.

But i also dont have a ton of dates on the other hand because im not failing often enough. Id suggest to take her somewhere cheap for first date. Never diner. Just drinks, coffee or cooking at home.

Title	Setting expectations - splitting the bill. Help!
Author	jh1871
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	June 1, 2018 1:19 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8nrte6/setting_expectations_splitting_the_bill_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/setting-expectations-splitting-the-bill-help.98882 https://theredarchive.com/post/98882

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