Tuesday was an amazing day for me. As well as finding a $5 bill at 7-11 I also managed to get full custody of my daughter after a 2 1/2 year battle with my now (thankfully) ex-wife. A little background info:

I met my ex-wife my lasy year of University. I was finishing up my B.A. in social work, and she was in her second year studying women's studies. Should have been a red flag but I didn't know much about that type of stuff. I assumed it was all good, because I am very supportive of women and their independance. Strong women never really bothered me. In fact I found it somewhat attractive. At first. About 5 months into our relationship we had a threesome with a friend of hers, which was actually her idea. Can't say I complained, however after that her personality got really dark, really quick. And it would flux from day to day. I am a firm believer that she has some pretty serious mental health issues. My brother works in the mental health field, and he was always telling me she had a pretty severe bipolar disorder happening. I'm not going to lie, when she was in a good mood, she was fantastic to be around, and I honestly miss her when I think of those times. But then there were the dark times.

After about a year she got pregnant with our daughter who at this moment is 7 going on 8. I wish I could say she tricked me into it, but the reality is we both weren't very careful, but in the end I'm very happy to have my little lady in my life. For the first 4-5 years before our daughter was in kindergarten she was very random with her mood swings. Sometimes to the point of physically hurting our daughter. Not like a full on beating, or even hitting. Just pushing, pulling, occasionally pulling her hair. I ignored it because when she was on a good mood swing she was actually a lot of fun to be around, and I wanted to believe she could change. She didn't.

Remember that threesome I mentioned? Well after that night I hooked up with that same friend of hers a handful of times behind her back. I'm not proud of that at all, nor am I bragging. I was just young and stupid and horny. I managed to keep it a secret for years until about the time our daughter had started school. This same friend contacted her on facebook after years of being a distant memory, and without fail she told my ex everything. That's just how my luck is. There was a few months of pure hell as she went in between bouts of depression to pure violent rage. Like the moron I am, I thought we could fix it if we got married. And it worked. For a while.

I was the main breadwinner, and I got a pretty sweet gig helping create pilot programs for felons coming out of prison. (In a few months I'll be proudly opening our 4th transitional living program!) Because of her education, no one wanted to hire her, and that was before they had a chance to meet whichever version of her was home that day. So she stayed home with our daughter while I worked. However now that our little girl was in school, she had a lot of spare time. This is when she started getting really out of hand. She began a "feminist mommy" blog which I was actually completely unaware of until closer to filing for separation. I began hearing these nasty diatribes about men, white people, heterosexuals, and anyone who had "privilege." I hadn't even heard of the word in this context before, but whenever she began ranting, I proactively looked up what she was talking about. I was always halfway to a full eyeroll before the first few minutes of research were up. She had a macbook which I never used or toyed with. I have always used PCs and macs are a tad foreign to me. However one day she left it open and I saw a blog open on the browser. I made a mental note of it, not really paying much mind. However when I looked it up later it became incredibly clear that it was her blog. It was mostly about how she was "training" her daughter to be a "soldier" against the patriarchy. I began going further and further back and I started reading some incredibly uncomfortable things. Some of which were personal interactions we had, some were really uncomfortable things she was teaching my daughter.

I brainstormed for a long time how I was going to confront her about this. Because of her completely random and sometimes physically aggressive mood swings I knew I couldn't confront her, or else she would lose her shit and claim I was spying on her. So I went and saved the entire blog page by page as html files and brought them to the same brother I spoke of before. He verbally "slapped me across the face" and told me it was time to shitcan my marriage. I agreed. I packed up my clothes, stuff I needed, and anything I was afraid she'd destroy. (Picture albums, etc) She came home from the gym and my stuff was gone, and I had brought my daughter to my brother's home. I explained to her what was happening and she replied the only way a true, rational human being would. By calling 911 and telling the police i kidnapped our daughter. So they show up at my brother's home and take my daughter, and for the first hour they wouldn't tell me why. The (female) officer that responded had brought my daughter back to my ex-wife and wouldn't allow me to leave my brother's home until her superior arrived. The pure look of disgust and contempt this officer gave me was enough to inform me of which side of the argument she had aligned herself. Luckily when her superior arrived he was a lot smarter and rational than this officer I had been dealing with. He spoke to me, my brother, and my daughter about my ex wife, and he got a pretty clear picture about what was going on. He allowed me to pick up my little girl and take her back to my brother's home.

In court they had to have a child psychologist help coax her to give answers about what my wife had been teaching her, and how she would rough her up. I learned to my surprise that my wife had taught her that if a boy got within arms reach of her, they were violating her "safe space" and she was supposed to hit a boy if they got too close. Which explained a lot about why she had been getting into fights. I had no idea why she kept hitting the boys in her class, because she'd always give me the "I don't know..." routine. (Anyone here who is a parent knows the "I don't know" routine and how frustrating it is.) It appears my ex was also teaching her that she couldn't tell daddy about why she was supposed to hit boys because daddy was a boy, and he wouldn't understand. She also told my daughter she'd be in trouble if she told me. All the pieces started falling together. After a good talk with my legal representative I decided I was going to file for full custody, and also demand no contact. I got exactly that. (Although she can appeal it and I fully expect her to.) I'm sure this isn't over, and I'll be dealing with this until well after my daughter goes to college. So I have that to look forward to. I also have to take my daughter to a child therapist to help deprogram her of all the toxic shit her mother implanted in her. This fight has gone on a few years now, and it's nice that there's been an actual development. Up until now she was allowed supervised visits with our daughter, but now it's up to me if I wish to allow that. I do not. So I expect a shitstorm. (In case you were wondering if she went after me for alimony, of course she did. However during the first few weeks of separation she kept leaving me voicemails. In one of them she stated she would let me have a divorce, full custody, and not come after me for alimony during one of her rants. The judge saw fit to deny her.)

So anywho, I just wanted to share my story here at the request of another redditor, hopefully to inspire those who are having similar issues. Keep your heads up! Document everything, save every voicemail, every text, every email. Stay perfectly silent and let a self-destructive partner do the work for you. The world is changing slowly to accept fathers' rights in a more serious fashion. If I can have victories so can you! Now if you'll excuse me I have to sit down with her and watch Frozen for the 900th fucking time! ;) (Can't lie, I enjoy it)