I don't even know where to begin. Some days, I'm grateful to see another day. Other days, I would question my existence in this world. Lately, I've been really obsessing over looksmaxxing (both soft and hard) because I know I'm such a worthless piece of shit by western standards. My mental health is a shitshow and lately I've been going to sleep very late. There are some occasions where I thought of staying up for two or three days straight because I'm that much of a loser to society.

With the whole looksmaxxing thing, I've recently been watching videos on the topic of mewing and over the past week or so I've thought of giving it a try, but the problem is that I have a hard time doing so while sleeping or lying down. I feel like I must do this or else I'll be a failure for the rest of my life. I also have allergies (sneezing a lot) and I don't want to see myself being a mouth breather in spite of this problem. Plastic surgery could be my way out of this though it isn't going to fix the mental damage I've been dealing with long before coming across the color pill and looksmaxxing communites. And don't even get me started on bone smashing because that sounds stupid. I wouldn't want to damage my face with a hammer in an attempt to be better looking. I'm not super hideous looking as I've mentioned many times, but being either average or below average looking just won't cut it in society these days.

I'm broke and have no job! I'm terrified at the thought of driving a car or truck. I don't even know if I should start a GoFundMe so I could get plastic surgery to better myself. I don't think it would be wise of me to do so. One of my cousin's is married to a man that is rich and owns a construction company, but I don't think they would want to help me out on that because it would likely be a waste of their time and what not. Also, they're most certainly blue pilled and will probably tell me that nothing is wrong with me and that I'm perfect the way I am. And even after getting surgery, I'll still lurk around and comment on this sub because as I've already said the mental damage has already been done to me. Also, I think I should have the freedom to just comment on here becuase why not.