Format sorry mobile.

So my wife and I have separated. This came as a complete surprise to me and it happened on the 12th. So it is now been about two weeks, one of which she was gone. I read a few of the other posts, much the same. I thought we had had the best summer apparently we were away from each other too much. I know I had been getting complacent now. And that’s on me. But I met this woman when I was 19 we had a child at 21 and two more since and they are now 17 11 and nine. Her father had never been around and didn’t meet her until she was 18 and I swore I would never do anything like that to her. That no matter what I would always be there for her, and for the most part I half. The most part there is the problem I’m sure and I’m still only trying to work this out. This has been the worst two weeks of my life. I have moved down into the basement since neither of us can really afford to move out. (Ed; actually she can from dad, can’t bc of our house situation I can’t, which is complicated as it is) I have been working for a month since I kind of noticed something was up to really try hard to show her how much I care. She never even told me. I just found out because she was looking for condos and sending out emails to look for rentals. We have been looking at farms outside of the city mid August. This is apparently when she decided that she didn’t want to start all over and do this with me. I was asked to give her space which in my head I thought I had a chance. She went up to our cabin which was only supposed to be for two days and I told her she should stay the whole week. She came home and I had cleaned everywhere made as much changes that I could think of that she had mentioned that I hadn’t gotten around to. We had some drinks I ran her bath. She texted me to bring her up another drink and when I came up she was in just a T-shirt smiling and we dance to some music and then got hot and heavy. It was amazing, I felt that fire I had for her in her for me. Then she couldn’t finish. Then the tears. Then the I don’t think I can live with you. FUCK. Hope gone. A sweet memory. Today I saw she’d downloaded a dating app literally 2 mins before she seduced me. Maybe just horny. I learned last night that she’s looking at housing where we were looking for hundred kilometers away and plans to take our two youngest kids and one of our dogs. She says I’m smothering her by trying to when her back and that she just needs space and maybe in time. So now the decision is do we cohabitate here until May when she is guaranteed a job and housing there? At which time she may not return anyway. Or do we just split now? I love her so much I told her I was willing to do anything to try and fix us counseling meetings anything at all and now I don’t believe that’s possible. She doesn’t want to fix it and I know it’s my fault. Never get complacent. I’m heart broken and I have no idea what to do. I’m trying to hang in there and not be a dick or angry. I’m seeing a therapist for suicidal thoughts and grief. Breath. I have to remember that or I don’t. I haven’t slept in many days. I feel like I’m in a nightmare

edit yes I missed some things. The ones I could are in comments. I’m sry guys. I’m at like 50 hours no sleep