Another week gone.

Confident-Run-645 · 2024-02-03T03:46:34+00:00

If crying, tears, begging, reasoning, imporing her couldn't make her stay? They sure as hell won't make her come back!

NEVER, and brother I do mean NEVER ~ EVER go chasing after a woman!

There's NO shortage of them. There's ONLY about 4 or 5 BILLION of them on the entire planet!

What, one will abuse?

Another can certainly USE!

Michelle Weiner-Davis’s Divorce Busting 180 degree list

Michelle Weiner-Davis’s Divorce Busting 180 degree list, here it is:

Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or*implore.

2.

No frequent phone calls

Do not point out good points in marriage.

Do not follow him/her around the house.
Do not encourage talk about the future.
Do not ask for help from family members.
Do not ask for reassurances.
Do not buy gifts.
Do not schedule dates together.
Do not spy on them
Do not say “I Love You”.
Act as if you are moving on with your life.
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
Don’t sit around waiting on your them

15.– Get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.

if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words.
If you are in the habit of asking your spouse

18.

19. her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING.

You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse.
Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she will be missing
No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around.
All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while).

Never lose your cool.
Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger).
Be patient
Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you.
Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away.
Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil).
Be strong and confident.
Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write.

Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy.
Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse.
Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared.
Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

2 things to think about if you do this:

1) You have to do the 180 list NOT to be manipulative but because it’s the right thing to do for you. You have to heal from this experience. You have to back off for your own sanity now. You have to have a plan and know that you will be a better person with or without them after all is said and done — that you will live and learn and move on no matter what. So you have to be geniune when you follow these ideas, rather than faking it and being insincere because your only goal is to get them back. That’s not what you want to do. Having a certain person as our spouse is not a need, it’s a want. When I wrote down a list of all the definite needs in my life, I realized that almost everything beyond food, clothing and shelter is a want. 10 seconds after I looked at the list, I stopped making decisions based on emotion. That’s when I realized that my wanting to have her was causing me to beg and plead for her to come back. That was driving her away more so I stopped doing it immediately. In doing my own version of the 180 list I could tell nearly an immediate change in her behavior.

2) Realize that when your spouse sees your new attitude they are very likely to be a little jealous or at least have some curiosity about what’s going on in your life to cause this change. However, they very well may react the same way towards you for some time (especially if they read books or go to message boards also). REALIZE that this tactic can also work simultaneously on you if the spouse begins to likewise. Be aware of it and plan to have your own feelings of jealousy and curiosity in advance. However, like with #1 above, if you’re doing the 180 list to better yourself and everyone involved, then it will matter less what they are doing.

Flimsy-Ad-1959 · 2024-02-03T03:05:25+00:00

If she’s going to stay that’s fine. But work on yourself. For you. Workout for you and not her. Do things for you that you like. If you want her to work out with you that works too. Just be careful.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-02-03T02:45:57+00:00

You should consult a lawyer anyways.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-02-03T02:34:36+00:00

I'm happy she's gonna stay. I was not so lucky. Im trying to get better and back in top. Say the therapy stick with it I'm only 14 days in. Still pretty raw

Title	Another week gone.
Author	Comfortable-Long-419
Upvotes	11
Comments	16
Date	February 3, 2024 2:08 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ahkxgj/another_week_gone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/another-week-gone.1244460 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244460

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