Can’t stop blaming myself

Vegetable_Courage23 · 2023-02-13T17:30:54+00:00

I hate to break it to you buddy but she's most likely got her eye on somebody else for cheating. My wife did the same damn thing.

Gave me the old "I just don't love you the same" bullshit every cheating woman seems to do.

Ask her if you can use her phone and see how she reacts. I would bet money buddy.

glassofwater05 · 2023-02-13T13:39:35+00:00

I was right there with you when my wife of 17 years filed on 12/1. December was the worst month of my life. I begged her to stay, tried to reason with her and tried to do everything I could think of to get her to stay. The thing that changed my way of thinking was The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. Now I understand why our marriage failed, and I now know what I can do to make myself a better man. Chances are you will have a few ah ha moments with the book.

You may hear people say that the book is misogynistic or that it geared towards incels. It isn't. It is eye opening, it goes deep into the difference between men and women and how we look at love. It also talks about game and how to date and what women are really looking for, but I think understanding how we approach love differently is the core of the book.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is likely that your only fault was to make her the center of your world. Women may say that want that but they really don't. I told my wife that I loved her everyday, and I told her she was beautiful even when she gained a ton of weight. In the end, I think she simply wanted a leader for our family, someone she could admire and trust that I had everything under control. Had I known what I know now, my marriage would probably still be intact.

Good news is you are 34. I didn't meet her until I was 33 (she was a cute 21 year old, btw). You have so much of your life ahead of you. Live on your own and make you the center of your life. Learn from this experience and become a better man.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-02-13T07:22:49+00:00

If a woman files for divorce she has probably been planning it for some time possibly years. Even though it is fresh for you it is not for her. It takes a while for some to realize this but you should be there within 4 to 8 months. That doesn’t stop you from thinking about her but she is only a memory and you no longer know who she is.

If she left you without cause (infidelity, abuse, addiction etc.) then many will conjure up terrible stories about you to justify the divorce to family and friends but mostly for themselves so they don’t feel guilty about divorcing you.

You need to look after yourself and protect yourself. Now do what you what to do. Start working on ways to improve yourself.

This marriage was a chapter in your life. You have now moved on to a new chapter. Embrace it.

PS. Get and read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Women need their men to be strong mentally and be able to say no to them when appropriate. You need to take care of yourself.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-13T12:50:53+00:00

> I lived and breathe for her .

And that's why you're getting divorced. Women don’t divorce men they admire and look up to. They leave men that become a plow horse to them. You made her the center of your world, instead of complimenting your mission. And she has nothing but contempt for you because of it.

> I suggest couples counseling for a long time

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance, which results in resentment by both parties.

AcrobaticStick2432 · 2023-02-13T13:04:52+00:00

I encourage her to go to therapy herself. We didn’t have kids ( even though I wanted them ) because she didn’t want them .

...from you. Don't be surprised if she appears pregnant in a short to medium term.

capacioushandbag · 2023-02-13T15:49:21+00:00

What does your support network outside of your marriage look like?

upvotersfortruth · 2023-02-13T08:51:31+00:00

Own your share, whatever it may be. But I haven't seen a single divorce in 15 years that's been all one person's fault, most are in the 70/30 range. For her, if she needs you to take all the blame (provided there are no legal consequences), don't fight it because in the end it doesn't matter. There are no bonus points for prolonging suffering, kicking yourself harder or trying to resurrect a dead relationship (in reality or your mind).

playerknowmore · 2023-02-13T18:19:12+00:00

She waited until the twenty years mark for a reason. She waited to get maximum support, and for you to have to pay it for the rest of her life. Odds are the guy she has been cheating on you with can't afford the lifestyle you provide. Don't be surprised if she keeps the house, and moves a coworker in within three months. If this happens she's been cheating for at least three years. Get a PI, and find proof. It may not help but it can make all the difference.

Barkaat · 2023-02-13T17:56:54+00:00

She most likely cheated and has someone else in mind. You should just move on from her

Title	Can’t stop blaming myself
Author	cfd2126
Upvotes	4
Comments	23
Date	February 13, 2023 6:56 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1111wmo/cant_stop_blaming_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/cant-stop-blaming-myself.1218332 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218332

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