Contemplating

rrazzor · 2024-01-14T01:32:10+00:00

Wow, thanks for sharing your story, even after 40 years there is a sense of no connection; I would’ve thought after that time together it doesn’t really matter who you are with, but glad to hear that someone still cares. 👍 hope all goes well for you.

Dense_Pomelo_2480 · 2024-01-13T19:55:37+00:00

It was 32 years for me and I decided counseling, etc. wasn't going to make a difference (long story I've already mentioned here). Telling her about gave me a heart attack to be honest because I stressed about it. But I'm in a better place now mentally and emotionally.

I'd talk to an attorney before hand to see what the financial reality is for you at this point if you divorce. Better to know before you pull the plug than after. I've said it before, but I was so glad I did this.

Adult kids may make it easier or may not---but you have to live for yourself. I got lucky. Mine just want each of us to "be happy" and aren't taking sides--they gently told me (and I'm assuming their mother) that they were supportive of each of us, but would not be in the middle. Other than a few major details which impacted them, I've told them nothing.

What finally pushed me to separate was when I realized I was so unhappy that I was starting to turn into a bitter, grouchy man. I didn't like that and didn't want that as I'd seen it in others in my family.

Least_Winter9632 · 2024-01-13T02:25:26+00:00

Personally, I think you owe it to her to at least lay it out there and tell her how you’re feeling. If she’s not responsive, and dismissive you have your answer. Think about the future you, and what you want your like to look like. Not sure what all your issues are, but since you didn’t mention cheating I’m guessing dead bedroom, controlling wifey. Whatever they are, if she’s not willing to WORK on your marriage then get out mate. It’s brutal to go through divorce , but I can’t imagine still being in the toxic marriage I used to endure. Especially with older kids, you could have a much less messy divorce and a brand new lease on life. Good luck brother

Ptsdveterannavy · 2024-01-13T00:55:43+00:00

If you feel guilty by doing something by yourself you enjoy, then you know you were in a controlled relationship. That's all you've known is her, and you must be prepared for the aftermath.

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-13T00:53:49+00:00

Once you’re out you won’t feel defeated.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-01-13T00:44:59+00:00

Yea I should have known 5 years ago when we went with separate bedrooms because we both snored. BS. For some reason the woman alway backs off emotionally WAY before the mad does.

whiskey_piker · 2024-01-12T23:12:04+00:00

Start w/ the first decision only. Do you want to spend the rest of your days w/ this wife? If not, cut the cord. That brings the next set of decisions.

BigPapaSmurfette · 2024-01-12T23:06:09+00:00

Sucks, man. That is how I felt after about 10 years. 6 years later now and I'm finally ending it. Live your life for yourself and enjoy every moment you can.

Title	Contemplating
Author	TA6518
Upvotes	11
Comments	12
Date	January 12, 2024 10:55 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1958elj/contemplating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/contemplating.1242841 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242841

Comments